re: I am on Day 41 of 75 Hard

Now we know who the mastermind behind the TulaneLSU character is.

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lsu777

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10) physical intimacy 3x per week- it may be hard to get her on board for this but it's important. Also can not be duty sex. Also she cums first. hate to be blunt like that but its important that she sees sex as a reward for her, not as one for you. physical intimacy also doesnt have to be intercourse and may mean as a man you dont get 1, this is about changing her mindset. This is assuming the husband is the higher libido partner. if not, then this needs to be almost switched.

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But seriously, making an intentional effort with your spouse for regular physical intimacy is great for both sides. We've all made jokes about getting married and the sex life taking a nosedive, and that can be true at times with busy work schedules, raising kids, all the activities outside the house, but things like date night and letting the kids go to their grandparents house to spend the night if they're close by is great for your marriage.

May be TMI but we've already broached the subject, the one that has bothered me lately is only getting some action after giving my wife a backrub. She was dozing off one night while I was rubbing her shoulders and said I'm going to owe you tomorrow night. We both know where a backrub usually leads, but it just wasn't going to happen that particular night. It brought up a good conversation the next day. I had to tell her that it was sort of starting to feel like paying for sex, but my payment was giving her a backrub first. And while I don't mind giving her a massage, it shouldn't be the only form of foreplay and what you said about duty sex rings true. If she's only willing to have sex after something being done for her first, it starts to feel like a duty on both sides. I have to do A to get B, she has to give B after getting A. It is fine for A to happen and eventually lead to B, but it shouldn't be the only time that happens. Anyways, carry on with your 75 hard. I'm still sticking to my 365 medium.

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But seriously, making an intentional effort with your spouse for regular physical intimacy is great for both sides. We've all made jokes about getting married and the sex life taking a nosedive, and that can be true at times with busy work schedules, raising kids, all the activities outside the house, but things like date night and letting the kids go to their grandparents house to spend the night if they're close by is great for your marriage.

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100%, many on the H&F board are high achievers and if really looked at ourselves as husbands and really self examined, I can promise many of us would not be attracted to who we are as a spouse. Many times we fail to understand the different desire types.

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May be TMI but we've already broached the subject, the one that has bothered me lately is only getting some action after giving my wife a backrub. She was dozing off one night while I was rubbing her shoulders and said I'm going to owe you tomorrow night. We both know where a backrub usually leads, but it just wasn't going to happen that particular night. It brought up a good conversation the next day. I had to tell her that it was sort of starting to feel like paying for sex, but my payment was giving her a backrub first. And while I don't mind giving her a massage, it shouldn't be the only form of foreplay and what you said about duty sex rings true. If she's only willing to have sex after something being done for her first, it starts to feel like a duty on both sides. I have to do A to get B, she has to give B after getting A. It is fine for A to happen and eventually lead to B, but it shouldn't be the only time that happens.

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Yep, too many times, we make things transactional. Never want that, it erodes her security. Guys think about being safe and secure way different than women. Transactional sex makes them feel less secure and almost like a prostitute.


Some in here are fricking around but the reaction to the she cums first, making an effort on how to understand her language of desire etc is perfect example of what you were talking about. I mean why is it a big deal that she cums first? I mean it assures she actually enjoys the sex, sends the important message that sex with you is a prize she should desire etc etc


Simple shite like instead of asking if she is up for sex and changing the language to “are you open to trying for physical intamcy” makes a big difference. Things like she cums before penetrating etc etc make huge deals

And shite promise, I’m not the best at all this stuff but about 6 months ago I realized like you I realized some things had become transactional, I was no longer praying for my wife, our communication had suffered as we were busy with the kids and I was not controlling my emotions when she turned me down, feeling like I do all this…I’m owed etc. so I decided to really start praying more, listening to podcast on the subject, how to control my emotions, look at my actions very hard and my reactions to her actions and overall just owning my mood and emotions and it’s made a big difference in my mood, our relationship, her mood, how we talk to each other etc.