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re: Christmas step parenting Q... am i wrong?

Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:01 pm to
Posted by sparkinator
Lake Claiborne
Member since Dec 2007
4472 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:01 pm to
Those kids, the ex-husband will be with you FOREVER! They will always be affecting your lives.

Even if you and her have kids of your own, they will still have a large impact on yalls lives. They will always be her kids and your kids brother and sister.

Even when the kids are grown and out of the house, they will still be your girlfriends kids and they will have a big force in y’alls lives.

It never ends. Ever.

Just know that going in.

You have to be really open and mature about it for your the rest of your life. The kind of stuff you’re dealing with now won’t ever go away.

Merry Christmas.
Posted by baldona
Florida
Member since Feb 2016
20551 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:01 pm to
quote:

HoustonsTiger


It’s not about you being right, there wasn’t much wrong with what you did OP. It’s about supporting her, she was having a very hard and emotionally taxing time without her kids and what you did made it worse. She doesn’t give a crap about you on Christmas morning compared to her kids.

Just apologize and tell her you now understand some things like Christmas are more about the kids then the relationship. You are blowing it out of proportion I think.
Posted by CHEDBALLZ
South Central LA
Member since Dec 2009
21970 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:01 pm to
(no message)
Posted by drexyl
Mingovia
Member since Sep 2005
23077 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:02 pm to
quote:

But at the same time, was it really THAT out of line to rather spend my morning in a different way?
spending your entire morning or spending 5 minutes? She misses her kids on Christmas morning as expected and you made a selfish call to spare yourself 5 minutes of watching her kids open presents.

It’s the next day - not too late to apologize.

This post was edited on 12/26/18 at 1:04 pm
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:02 pm to
You need to establish dominance with this guy. Bang him in front of her.
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
388 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:02 pm to
quote:

What would have been more painless?


I didn't think it was going to be painful. Figured she would have her coffee and watch videos, I would have mine while feeding my dog.
Posted by momentoftruth87
Member since Oct 2013
72166 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:03 pm to
So you're saying he should just kick the bitch to the curb, save money, and enjoy commitmentless vagina. If she is ungrateful, I agree!
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
388 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:04 pm to
quote:

It’s about supporting her


Right - but in my mind (maybe Im wrong) it's not like I was not supporting her. I didn't tell her to not watch, to leave the room, or anything like that.

I just said I didn't want to watch....
Posted by Ed Osteen
Member since Oct 2007
57535 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:04 pm to
Telling your girlfriend of a year and a half you don’t want to watch videos of her kids enjoying Christmas because their real dad is in some of the videos is hilarious the more I think about it
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32720 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:04 pm to
Why did they divorce in the first place?

I mean, their younger kid couldn't have been more than 2 at the time.
Posted by Tyga Woods
South Central Jupiter Island, FL
Member since Sep 2016
30412 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:05 pm to
quote:

OK - for those hung up on 'step parent' does it change things we are engaged and moving in together?




You have chosen to marry a woman with young children. If you can't suck it up and smile and say something nice about some Christmas videos taken by their dad you might not be cut out for the whole step-parent thing. And not being cut out for step-parenting isn't an option if you're going to stay with her. Do you have children of your own?
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
388 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:05 pm to
quote:

Why did they divorce in the first place?


There was a physical altercation
Posted by sparkinator
Lake Claiborne
Member since Dec 2007
4472 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:05 pm to
Where did I say that?

I told him how it is when you commit to someone with kids of their own. It’s just reality. If he’s really strong, mature, and lives her they can probably make it work.

But it will be trying. And hard.
Posted by drexyl
Mingovia
Member since Sep 2005
23077 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:06 pm to
quote:

Figured she would have her coffee and watch videos, I would have mine while feeding my dog.
you could have easily played this off as ‘that’s awesome sweetie - gimme five minutes to wake up, have my coffee and feed the dog and id love to watch some more’ - throw in a ‘I didn’t sleep well last night’ and you would’ve been golden.
Posted by Mr Perfect
Member since Mar 2010
17836 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:06 pm to
quote:

Background - been dating a woman about 1.5 years who has 2 kids from her previous marriage. 


Cringe
Posted by jchamil
Member since Nov 2009
16588 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:07 pm to
quote:

OK - for those hung up on 'step parent' does it change things we are engaged and moving in together?


This makes you seem like an even bigger a-hole that you can't a few minutes to watch videos of your future step kids
Posted by drexyl
Mingovia
Member since Sep 2005
23077 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:07 pm to
quote:

Right - but in my mind (maybe Im wrong) it's not like I was not supporting her. I didn't tell her to not watch, to leave the room, or anything like that.

I just said I didn't want to watch....


i give up
Posted by DeafJam73
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2010
18533 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:07 pm to
You could have said “I’m glad the kids are having fun.” and left it at that. Your opinion doesn’t always need to be heard.
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
388 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:07 pm to
quote:

Do you have children of your own?


No I do not.

Not being cut out for step parenting could be a real issue. I've struggled with some aspects as I think anyone would, but largely think I do OK.

FWIW - I love the kids. I think they are incredible
Posted by bamafan1001
Member since Jun 2011
15783 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:07 pm to
Id never date anyone with kids but if you choose to do that I suppose its smart on your part to occasionally play a part you don’t really want to play.

That said a divorced woman with two kids should be bending over backwards to make sure anyone willing to date her is happy. Seems like this woman may be difficult enough to consider not taking that much further
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