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re: Cant stand this guy in my new GF's social circle
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:19 am to Doomaflochie
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:19 am to Doomaflochie
she's hot and smart. Great job and solid girl in many ways despite the impressions that I know this thread likely gives. We've only dated for 8 weeks and been exclusive for 2 and this is the only "issue" that I've had. Literally the best sex of my life and I am confident that it's the best of hers. We both have graduate degrees and work over 50 hours a week and have a ton in common.
This post was edited on 11/24/14 at 7:38 am
1
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:20 am to Doomaflochie
You are correct. The situation may have it's own answer. My hat is off to your simplistic brilliance.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:21 am to SirWinston
quote:
MessageCant stand this guy in my new GF's social circle
Posted by SirWinston on 11/24 at 4:01 am
Guy definitely seems like a threat to me and is a complete a-hole. My GF worships him because they're been friends for ages and he's a professor in a field that she's passionate about (that's how they met).
I know to "act alpha" and shite, but it's tough for me to appear cool in social situations with the guy because by definition when we meet up with him and his GF and his group it's automatically not going to be on my terms - he'll know everybody in the group and he's a regular at the bars we meet them at, and I'm the new guy who has no background or nothing to talk about.
This dude is one of those people that has no problem talking about all the irons he has in the fire, all the side projects he's got going on, the people he socializes with, etc. So annoying. The thing that pisses me off is that I know for a fact that I make more money than him but my job just isn't that interesting. I only bring this up because it just adds to my frustration - like "I'm better than this dude - it's not like he's Tom Brady or Ben Affleck. WTF are my relatively strong social skills and situational schmoozing rendered to ineffective to others around the table when I'm in this rotten crowd?".
Yes he's clearly in my head and I realize that's a problem. I think my GF knows that I'm not a fan, which makes it worse. Any suggestions or tips for how to handle this - I really don't want to keep hanging out with this dude.
This post was edited on 11/24 at 4:16 am
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Posted by TigerChief10 on 11/24 at 4:04 am toSirWinston
Start talking to his gf more
This post was edited on 11/24 at 4:07 am
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Posted by SirWinston on 11/24 at 4:08 am toTigerChief10
I try but she's miserable that her BF is obviously flirting and having a great time schmoozing other women. I also try talking with other people in the setting but it just gets old. I know the textbook answer is to mingle and flirt with other women myself so I guess I just have to buck myself up and do that next time.
I fricking hate these games though - I was way happier dating multiple women where I had the power and didn't have all my eggs in one basket. I feel like I cuckolded myself by sticking only with this chick and now that she has me she can pull shite like this. She'd have never acted this way before we went exclusive b/c she was still trying to win me over.
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Posted by euquol on 11/24 at 4:13 am toSirWinston
You have absolutely nothing in common with her friend? I mean I think most people have at least one thing in common with another person, no matter how small.
Or is it that you just do not like him and do not want to find something in common?
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Posted by SabiDojo on 11/24 at 4:13 am toSirWinston
You're posting about this at 4 in the morning. Think about that. If your gf hasn't fricked him already, she's going to.
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Posted by euquol on 11/24 at 4:14 am toeuquol
Nevermind scratch all that
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Posted by SabiDojo on 11/24 at 4:16 am toSirWinston
quote:
She'd have never acted this way before we went exclusive b/c she was still trying to win me over.
She is testing boundaries, dude. She's the cheating type.
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Posted by TrueTiger on 11/24 at 4:16 am toSirWinston
You could Dexter his arse.
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Posted by BRgetthenet on 11/24 at 4:17 am toSabiDojo
Yeah
SirWinston prolly wouldn't mike gargling his cock a little his ownself.
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Posted by SirWinston on 11/24 at 4:18 am toSabiDojo
quote:
You're posting about this at 4 in the morning. Think about that. If your gf hasn't fricked him already, she's going to.
I'm sure that she has fricked him in the past. I am focused on the go-forward.
And no, he has no interest in talking to me - he only wants to talk to other women. I know everything about this guy b/c my GF talks about him all the time. I'm sure he has no interest in my MBA or does not care or could not name what I do for work.
So how do I handle this when my GF bring him up again and again or when she talks to him the entire time at the bars? I'll make sure that next time we may meet them out that I'll look my best and have some intro lines to talk to other chicks with. If I put it out in the open it will make her more interested in him. If I ignore it than I'm miserable. I'm not really sure how best to handle this.
Dude after reading this post, the obvious clear answer here is to dump the girl and move on with your life. They used to frick, he intimidates you, she talks to him all the time and about him when he's not around, the truth is brutal sometimes man, but you have to make good decisions.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:22 am to SirWinston
I hear you.
I'd start with work buddies. Get a drink after work. Join city sports leagues like kickball.
You're going to need one or two close bros moving forward at all times regardless. I'm of the opinion that no ideal couple tosses out their same sex friends from their lives.
All that said- you should still have interesting ways of spending time yourself or with a friend. Go to a museum. Go on an overnight vacation somewhere nearby and scenic. Go hiking. Start volunteering.
You need to switch gears where women aren't your entire life purpose. Pursuing new experiences etc. That's the only way you'll have power over anything relationship wise moving forward. You'll forget you ever felt this way.
It isn't an overnight change, but you can attack it and make it so.
I'd start with work buddies. Get a drink after work. Join city sports leagues like kickball.
You're going to need one or two close bros moving forward at all times regardless. I'm of the opinion that no ideal couple tosses out their same sex friends from their lives.
All that said- you should still have interesting ways of spending time yourself or with a friend. Go to a museum. Go on an overnight vacation somewhere nearby and scenic. Go hiking. Start volunteering.
You need to switch gears where women aren't your entire life purpose. Pursuing new experiences etc. That's the only way you'll have power over anything relationship wise moving forward. You'll forget you ever felt this way.
It isn't an overnight change, but you can attack it and make it so.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:23 am to Breesus
quote:
They used to frick
Maybe - not 100%
quote:
He intimidates you
For now, but I believe that I am intelligent enough to conquer this.
quote:
she talks to him all the time and about him when he's not around, the truth is brutal sometimes man, but you have to make good decisions.
Not all the time - 3 times in a month that I've been hanging around her friends. And there are easy ways to fix her talking about him. I know that it's easy to say "nut up and run" but there are solutions to this issue and I have the goods to see this through IMO.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:24 am to Swoopin
You don't trust her and probably never will. Listen to your instincts and move on.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:25 am to Breesus
Self respect is not letting yourself be treated as a doormat. That's what I'm referring to in this thread. He needs to stand up to her and say that he doesn't want to go out with them. Find something else for them to do.
And I completely agree with your second paragraph.
Put a stop to spending so much of their together time out with his group. If he cares about her, show it.
And I completely agree with your second paragraph.
Put a stop to spending so much of their together time out with his group. If he cares about her, show it.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:25 am to SirWinston
quote:
We've only dated for 8 weeks and been exclusive for 2 and this is the only "issue" that I've had. Literally the best sex of my life and I am confident that it's the best of hers. We both have graduate degrees and work over 50 hours a week and have a ton in common.
Holy shite dude. You've only been dating this girl exclusively for 2 weeks. In a woman's world tall aren't even in a relationship yet. How long did you know her before yall started dating? Seriously if you are acting this wrapped up and insecure 2 weeks into the relationship you have some soul searching to do.
And great sex = crazy girl. No doubt about it. And if you're going to date crazy you sure as hell better be able to handle crazy. It's a skill.
As for the "confident this is the best sex of her life", if this was actually the best sex of her life and she is in her late 20s or so, she wouldn't be talking to other guys. A healthy sex life is a cornerstone foundation to any relationship.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:25 am to sec13rowBBseat28
quote:
You don't trust her and probably never will.
I trust her that she's not fricking this guy currently. I do feel like (in this new relationship) if he happened to become single that he'd be a threat to me. But A) that might never happen and B) my relationship will presumably strengthen in the meantime.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:27 am to Swoopin
I'm late to the party but this isn't a stable situation. Your girl used to or is with the mindset to get on this other guy.
In no way should she be talking and spending so much time giving this douche the attention you speak of. Never would that happen i my relationships and if it did, bye bitch. No chance dude.... man up for your self and handle this like you know you should.
If she really pays him the attention you reference in your post then you know the answer and don't want to admit it.
It sucks but this isn't a strong foundation to start a good relationship with. You should be her priority, to an extent and within context. But, in no way should she be "talking" about this guy as much as you say. If it is an attention thing from her to get a rise out of you then that is just as fricked up, assuming you already give her the attention.
Come on bro.... break this down and be honest with yourself.
OR... I am wrong and you should just approach her about this and ask the history there. Maybe express your concerns and move forward. If she cares for you then she will hear you out and respect your opinion and feelings.
Good luck man,
In no way should she be talking and spending so much time giving this douche the attention you speak of. Never would that happen i my relationships and if it did, bye bitch. No chance dude.... man up for your self and handle this like you know you should.
If she really pays him the attention you reference in your post then you know the answer and don't want to admit it.
It sucks but this isn't a strong foundation to start a good relationship with. You should be her priority, to an extent and within context. But, in no way should she be "talking" about this guy as much as you say. If it is an attention thing from her to get a rise out of you then that is just as fricked up, assuming you already give her the attention.
Come on bro.... break this down and be honest with yourself.
OR... I am wrong and you should just approach her about this and ask the history there. Maybe express your concerns and move forward. If she cares for you then she will hear you out and respect your opinion and feelings.
Good luck man,
This post was edited on 11/24/14 at 7:32 am
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:28 am to Breesus
quote:
Holy shite dude. You've only been dating this girl exclusively for 2 weeks. In a woman's world tall aren't even in a relationship yet. How long did you know her before yall started dating? Seriously if you are acting this wrapped up and insecure 2 weeks into the relationship you have some soul searching to do.
I don't know - we're doing the families thing for Tgiving. And you're being too hard on me - I came here looking for opinions and advice. Yes, I am being beta in this once instance, but at the root of it I'm looking for the best way to handle. I think you're overreacting here saying that shite is doomed and all. I don't like the situation and I want to attack it and fix it on a go-forward.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:28 am to Jreily85
quote:
Self respect is not letting yourself be treated as a doormat. That's what I'm referring to in this thread. He needs to stand up to her and say that he doesn't want to go out with them. Find something else for them to do.
I got you. Yeah that makes more sense, but you have to be able to go out with your girl's friends sometimes. It's not easy to sit in a room full of dudes that want to frick your girlfriend, but many of us have been in that situation. Especially early on in the relationship when everything is still new.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:31 am to SirWinston
i think the correct answer was posted on like page 2.
You shouldn't base this situation on how you think your g/f feels about him (at first). base it off how you feel about him.
If you can't stand the dude, stop going to the social gatherings that he is attending. If she continues to hang out with her friends, cool. if she wants to doo more tings with you, cool too. she needs to have her own friends anyway and you aren't expected to be forced to like them.
if you don't trust her when she hangs out with her friends by herself, then you have the wrong girl
You shouldn't base this situation on how you think your g/f feels about him (at first). base it off how you feel about him.
If you can't stand the dude, stop going to the social gatherings that he is attending. If she continues to hang out with her friends, cool. if she wants to doo more tings with you, cool too. she needs to have her own friends anyway and you aren't expected to be forced to like them.
if you don't trust her when she hangs out with her friends by herself, then you have the wrong girl
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:33 am to SirWinston
quote:Like I said, you don't trust her. I wouldn't want to try and build a relationship in which I constantly have to look over my shoulder.
I trust her that she's not fricking this guy currently
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:34 am to SirWinston
Now, if they used to frick...then you need to tell her that you're not hanging around with him anymore.
It's disrespectful of her to bring you out with a guy that she used to frick.
It's disrespectful of her to bring you out with a guy that she used to frick.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:35 am to sec13rowBBseat28
quote:
ike I said, you don't trust her. I wouldn't want to try and build a relationship in which I constantly have to look over my shoulder.
She's not the type of person who's going to randomly frick some guy she doesn't know. Trust me - I have really great dating game and it took me longer to bang her than any girl that I've ever actually succeeded at banging. She's not a whore. But her connection and past with this guy DOES worry me if he becomes free at some point. With that said, he doesn't currently worry me NOW, he just irks me and is in my head. And if he ever does become single, I have enough confidence in myself that if this relationship is still going that we'd be very solid by that point and I'd be fine.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:35 am to Displaced
quote:I wish someone would have hammered this in my head 20 years ago. Would have saved me a lot of heart ache back then.
You shouldn't base this situation on how you think your g/f feels about him (at first). base it off how you feel about him.
If you can't stand the dude, stop going to the social gatherings that he is attending. If she continues to hang out with her friends, cool. if she wants to doo more tings with you, cool too. she needs to have her own friends anyway and you aren't expected to be forced to like them.
if you don't trust her when she hangs out with her friends by herself, then you have the wrong girl
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:36 am to SirWinston
quote:
you're being too hard on me
Dude I'm not even being that hard on you. If you can't handle me pushing you a little on a message board, I don't know what to tell you.
quote:
I'm looking for the best way to handle.
Find a hobby or an activity you can excel at and practice it. Learn to be the best at something. You don't have to be the best in the world, but be the best of anyone you know at something. And work at it. Build you confidence up at that and then slowly but yourself up in other areas of your life. When you're out at a bar and you girl talk to other people are you just sitting there silently next to her brooding?
Go talk to other people yourself. Sharpen your social skills. I make a point to talk to atleast 2 strangers in every room I walk into. It's a great way to develop speaking skills and learn how to read people.
And I'll reiterate my last point, if you feel jealous or that a girl is more attracted to someone else it is always better to just yourself up then tear him down. Buy her random flowers and cards and gifts. Women eat that shite up and it doesnt take must effort but it pays dividends in the future. Surprise her with dinner plans. Find out what she likes and do it. If she can't appreciate you for that and you can't get her to acknowledge how much you care then she isn't worth it. And you dump her. But you take what you've learned and you are that much more prepares for the next relationship. Good luck.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:36 am to Jreily85
quote:
Now, if they used to frick...then you need to tell her that you're not hanging around with him anymore.
It's disrespectful of her to bring you out with a guy that she used to frick.
This was a thought that I had as well. If I can somehow (without sound bitter) extract whether or not they fricked, than I could then (at a later date) say "listen, I don't bring you around my past lovers or hookups and I'd rather you not bring me around yours." But I think that it's better to just act unphased from here on out and instead work to minimize the times we hang with them until me and her are in a better/more solid place.
This post was edited on 11/24/14 at 7:38 am
Posted on 11/24/14 at 7:38 am to SirWinston
quote:
I'm sure that she has fricked him in the past.
quote:
when she talks to him the entire time at the bars
this isn't going to end well for you IMO
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