re: Finding A Rice Pot

A bit of humor here. For whatever reason, the posts about the rice reminded me of this:

Vinny Gambini: Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave. Then two different men drive up in a similar -

[Seeing Mr. Tipton shake his head no]

Vinny Gambini: Don't shake your head, I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing, so you can understand this, now. Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?

Mr. Tipton: No. They didn't have enough time.

Vinny Gambini: Well, how much time was they in the store?

Mr. Tipton: Five minutes.

Vinny Gambini: Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?

Mr. Tipton: No.

Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right, I'm sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.

Mr. Tipton: That's right.

Vinny Gambini: Right, so you knew that. Uh, do you remember what you had?

Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.

Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?

Mr. Tipton: Just regular, I guess.

Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?

Mr. Tipton: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.

Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?

Mr. Tipton: [a bit panicky] I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.

Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you say you were a fast cook? That's it?

[Mr. Tipton nods in embarrassment]

Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?

Mr. Tipton: I don't know.

Vinny Gambini: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?