It's really not complicated, takes time and effort down both sides of the street.
I know for those of us who have been married for some time, children are not the only thing getting in the way of alone time.
After a while, it seems husband & wife usually start taking each other for granted, albeit unintentionally. There are so many other issues (chores, bills, cleaning, jobs, kids, etc.) to attend to that are daily and never ending, we begin to run the household as a kind of business with us being business partners. We almost have to de-program and make a concerted effort to get back into the romantic, man & woman, husband & wife roles.
Although spontaneity is good, sometimes I think we have to create or schedule time for each other to sit down and communicate as husband & wife and not just business partners. Talking and truly listening
to each other, uninterrupted, without distractions on a regular basis is so important to feeling connected, intimately, especially for a woman. If a married couple's life has become so busy and business-like that there is little real, intimate communication, the sexual relationship suffers.
I think it's a good idea to actually schedule times throughout the week for a couple to have conversations in which the business part of the relationship (money, chores, household maintenance, jobs, even children, etc.) are not allowed to be discussed. This creates a flirty, date-like environment conducive to romance, and for a lot of married women, that is what we feel is missing from our daily lives & routines, and is key to a good sexual relationship with our spouse.