The SEC Riviera Roundup
“Dying Dreams Amidst Deafening Screams”

By Chris Warner

October 31, 2012

Never one to mince words, earlier this season Les Miles, after his third straight victory over the legendary “Ole Ball Coach,” Steve Spurrier, dubbed Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge, “The place where opponent’s dreams come to die.” In doing so the Hat reinforced tradition at LSU, and set the stage for the next scheduled night vanquishing in the vaunted, arch-adorned, dugout arena. Tiger Stadium holds a special power over visiting coaches, players and fans; making it an ideal place to watch, er, control a football game. A veritable wormhole transport to the berzerk Halcyon days of the Coliseum in Rome, this Saturday’s nostalgic draw is undeniable for the serious college football fan, Tiger or Tider. It’ll be goose bumps galore inside the deafening roar; the omnipresent, wafting, caramel aromas of Kentucky and Tennessee bourbons; as well as that first fearful glance of a traveling Tide fan. All will be had in the valley leading to the coveted national championship; that valley of death by the muddy serpent, where the ancient Indians blood marked a bank cypress and adorned it with the heads of fish and other animals they’d killed; a place later called “Baton Rouge,” French for “red stick,” by explorers.

In this one-of-a-kind column emanating from the loveable Redneck Riviera, we’ll preview the contest that for the second year in a row has become the annual American College Football Game of the Year. We will also take our regular armchair quarterback tour through the nation’s toughest conference, making note of the many coaches who are on the hot seat. It’s Alabama-LSU week, football fans! By Thursday, work is an afterthought for most. Space and time distort. The vortex over the bowl in Baton Rouge has formed, guiding an undeniable army of marching, irascible Cajuns to its fabled nocturnal midst.

Rewriting History

Alabama and its army of media sycophants are pitching an alternate version of recent history. In their best effort to reproduce their own “Dewey Defeats Truman” episode, the pundits, prognosticators and national experts have tabbed Alabama as an “unbeatable” team, one that could probably “beat the Cleveland Browns,” despite not having played anyone. According to the omniscient media, the game Saturday night in Baton Rouge appears to be nothing more than a broadcast formality, and of course, another opportunity for nearly 200,000 people to throw a tailgate party for the gods.

In the last decade the LSU Tigers are 47-1 when they play at night in Tiger Stadium. Defending national champion Alabama, its record unblemished through eight games, rides a tsunami of fan expectation borne of more than two months of incessant, adoring media hype. The Crimson Tide is the prohibitive favorite. According to the those who are paid to pretend to know, LSU, despite their gaudy home record at night, and their crafty, enigmatic head coach, Les Miles, have little chance at victory, “a one in twenty chance at best.”

His First Time

Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron has been fantastic this season; against the likes of Western Kentucky, Florida Atlantic, Missouri, Ole Miss, Arkansas, Tennessee, Michigan and Mississippi State. This Saturday, McCarron gets the big test on the grand stage. He will be mentally and physically tried, and the NFL scouts will be watching his every move.

A junior, he has not started a game in Tiger Stadium. He hasn’t felt the roar, or the crowd electricity capable of short-circuiting his usually steady synapses. And, he hasn’t faced a defense as deep, fast and athletic as LSU’s. The Tigers have the nation’s most dynamic pass rushing specialists, and if they can stop the run against lesser backs than a year ago, and get pressure, it will be a long night for pocket passer McCarron, just as it was for mobile Gamecock quarterback Connor Shaw, and the freak athlete from Texas, Johnny Football Manziel.

Good Fighting Ground

Playing at home is like playing right of the dealer in No Limit for Les Miles. Like all serious competitors, it’s a position advantage he relishes. An economics major, Miles certainly understands game theory and its importance in mega matchups such as this one. He understands his opponents’ strengths as well as his own, as well as their inherent weaknesses.

Alexander the Great, the young Macedonian King who conquered nearly the entire world by his early thirties, in 331 B.C., faced the monumental task of defeating a Persian army more than three times larger than his. Some estimates put the enemy force at five times the size of Alexander’s army. Young Alexander, up to this point, had not been defeated.

The Persian King, Darius III, on the day before the battle took place, offered a peace agreement: He would cede half the Persian Kingdom to Alexander if he ceased his relentless attack on the empire.

Alexander did not even entertain the offer. His top general, Parmenion, told Alexander, “I would have gladly accepted the generous offer.”
Alexander replied, “And I would too, if I were Parmenion.”

Full victory was his only motive.

The next day, on the day of the battle, Alexander overslept. His lieutenants were worried. He assured them, “The battle is already won.”

His enemy, up all night fearful of a surprise attack, after exerting precious energy clearing the wide-open battlefield for their cythed chariots, was weary. Alexander had surprise in mind; it just came in a different form. He caught his much larger enemy off guard with the use of a newly-formed javelin group against the chariots and a well-timed flanking maneuver by his cavalry that split Darius’ forces into a panic; followed by an all-out retreat. The Persian will was broken. The victory was decisive. The vast Persian Empire was Alexander’s. He had conquered nearly every corner of the known world.

The fighting ground in this contest is excellent for Miles. His opponent must come to Death Valley, a most unfriendly confines for a visiting team. Saban, like everyone else, sees himself having the larger, more powerful team. Against a seemingly larger, more powerful opponent, will Miles confound Saban with a look he is unprepared for? A year ago in Tuscaloosa it was apparent that Saban had not prepared his team to defend the option attack, a move that proved costly late in the game. Perhaps Miles will employ a new offensive wrinkle to his advantage this time around. Given his team’s struggles on that side of the ball, it would seem likely, as he doesn’t want a repeat of January 9.

Around the SEC

Arkansas – John L. Smith tried to get a cut of the $50,000 bonus Hugh Freeze received for defeating the Hogs, but Freeze said the money is “frozen” until the end of the season, as they intend to write one bonus check, and the Ole Miss athletic department is unsure how big of a check they will have to pen. Smith still thinks he’s entitled to some of the money, as he undoubtedly helped in the effort.

Auburn – Gene Chizik hopes he never has to coach against Johnny Football again. He will likely get his wish, as the buzzards are tightly circling the Loveliest Village on the Plains. One can only wonder who his replacement will be. Tommy Tuberville strangely looks like a great hire.

Ole Miss – Hugh Freeze can’t wait for the Egg Bowl. It will give him the recruiting edge in the Magnolia State he needs to take Ole Miss to the next level. The Rebels have not been to the SEC Championship Game and have not won the league since 1963. Freeze was born in 1969.

Mississippi State – Merlins squad muddled through Tuscaloosa last week like they didn’t belong. It was a difficult pill for State fans, who were hoping just maybe