Let’s hear a Joke

The OP's Post.


Joke:

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: THAT IS NOT FUNNY AND IT IS OFFENSIVE!

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

Did you hear that they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

They do that so they can Scandinavian.



No matter how still you've been, he's Ben Stiller




I met a microbiologist the other day. He was much bigger than I expected.

quote:

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Oweo walks in to a bar.

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And sits down next to Palmetto98

I was recently at a funeral for my friend and was asked to say a word. I stood up and said “Plethora!” His widow said, “Thank you, that means, a lot.”

Baby seal walks into a club.

A minister, a priest and a rabbit walk into the bar. The bartender asks the rabbit: "What'll you have."

The rabbit replied, "I'm only here because of auto-correct."

quote:

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A Jewish grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. They’re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. “Oh God, please bring him back! Please let him live!” Suddenly, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scoops him up into a hug. Then he stares up at the sky and says, “He had a hat.”

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I heard this one for the first time the other day on The Old Man (I know it's an old joke). I sat there for a long time trying to figure out if I was missing something.. but I guess the punchline is that the woman's prayers were answered and she still complained. Maybe I'm just unfamiliar with Jewish jokes

What's the hardest part of breaking up w/ your Japanese girlfriend?



You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Old one I'm sure everyone has heard at some point:

Two guys are fishing off of a pier. They were drinking more beer than catching fish so both had to piss.

First guy unzips and let's loose, and brags to his buddy, "Man, this water is a lot colder than I figured it would be."

His buddy just laughs and says, "Yeah, it's a lot deeper than I thought too."