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Brad Barr-USA TODAY Sports
So this kinda happened. Jets TE Kellen Winslow was allegedly 'pleasuring himself' in his Cadillac Escalade in the parking lot of a Target in November. When cops arrived, they noticed vaseline and bags containing synthetic marijuana in his vehicle. Per

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly “slouched in his seat and moving around.” Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

The cop noticed Winslow was wearing “dark colored” sweatpants and wrote that “his genitals were not exposed.” But the cop also noticed “two open containers of Vaseline on his center console” and plastic bags marked “Mr. Happy” and empty plastic containers of “Funky Monkey” scattered throughout the vehicle.
Winslow wasn’t charged with any lewdness. He pleaded not guilty to the marijuana charges.
Filed Under: NFL

Comments (9) - Add Comments

TigerDude80 - 20 months ago
"Mr. Happy" and "funky monkey"........Priceless
tigermike200444 - 21 months ago
tigermike200444 - 21 months ago
TIGAHZ4LIFE - 21 months ago
Wtf!!! Crazzzy days I tell ya!!! Bahahaha
gthog61 - 21 months ago
Let he who hath never beat it in a Target parking lot cast the first stone.

Hey, they always say Target shoppers are a lot better looking than Walmart shoppers, probably just couldn't help it.
HeadSlash - 21 months ago
Two jars of Vaseline? Marathon session man
87BAMAGRAD - 21 months ago
Sorry for partying.
dchunk - 21 months ago
Yes, Boston Market is known for their choked chicken salad
TigerattheU - 21 months ago
"When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost."

That checks out.
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