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Message
re: Have any of you had a child die ?
Posted on 2/26/15 at 8:55 am to rantfan
Posted on 2/26/15 at 8:55 am to rantfan
The strangest thing is how efficiently life goes on.
It's a blessing and a curse.
Our daughter passed in September and our world literally stopped. But at some point you have to get moving again. So we did.
Back at work, back with friends and family. It helps to keep living and cherishing the time we have with our amazing son (he's almost 4).
However, some days, I want the world to stop again. I don't want it to be real, I don't want to see happy people with amazing, healthy babies, I don't want to talk about trivial, banal things.
But the world keeps on chugging along and life the keeps on rolling along.
I'm an old man (by OT and baby-making standards), so I don't know if the wife and I will try again.
There was a moment in NICU when her medication was waning and she opened her eyes. I just happened to be standing over the box when it happened. I looked into her eyes and it was the most terrifying moment of helplessness I've ever felt.
She closed her eyes and I never saw them again. I'd give anything to go back to that moment and hit pause. anything.
Be good to your babies. Be good to everybody.
It's a blessing and a curse.
Our daughter passed in September and our world literally stopped. But at some point you have to get moving again. So we did.
Back at work, back with friends and family. It helps to keep living and cherishing the time we have with our amazing son (he's almost 4).
However, some days, I want the world to stop again. I don't want it to be real, I don't want to see happy people with amazing, healthy babies, I don't want to talk about trivial, banal things.
But the world keeps on chugging along and life the keeps on rolling along.
I'm an old man (by OT and baby-making standards), so I don't know if the wife and I will try again.
There was a moment in NICU when her medication was waning and she opened her eyes. I just happened to be standing over the box when it happened. I looked into her eyes and it was the most terrifying moment of helplessness I've ever felt.
She closed her eyes and I never saw them again. I'd give anything to go back to that moment and hit pause. anything.
Be good to your babies. Be good to everybody.
2
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:14 am to rantfan
So very sorry for you loss and anyone in this thread that has lost a child. I don't think that losing a child is something that most parents can rationally comprehend and accept, certainly without scarring. It is simply the worst.
My in-laws are in their 70's and its obvious that they are still deeply wounded by the loss of their daughter that died a few days after birth.
On an unrelated note, I'm glad I don't know anyone that would down vote someone for sharing a pain this personal.
My in-laws are in their 70's and its obvious that they are still deeply wounded by the loss of their daughter that died a few days after birth.
On an unrelated note, I'm glad I don't know anyone that would down vote someone for sharing a pain this personal.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:20 am to rantfan
My biggest fear in life is my wife and I having to deal with the loss either of our children. I can't even imagine the pain. Sorry for your loss.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:23 am to rantfan
That's horrible. Can't imagine.
Godspeed.
Godspeed.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:24 am to cleeveclever
Damn man. Your post really puts things in perspective. Sometimes life is moving so fast that you just don't realize how precious it is. Sorry for your loss.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:27 am to HarryBalzack
I'm so sorry for everyone who has lost a child. My heart goes out for you.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:30 am to rantfan
I had a sister die who would've been 3 years older than me. Born with all kinds of medical and health issues.
RIP Brandon
RIP Brandon
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:32 am to mperry4
quote:
No words to say except prayers for you. This breaks my heart.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 9:53 am to cleeveclever
On my son's last day they finally let my wife hold him. All his vital signs spiked up for the next 4-5 hours until he died in her arms. It was amazing that this 16 week premature baby who can not see but knew his mother was holding him. The nurse told us that happens all the time.
This post was edited on 2/26/15 at 9:54 am
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:01 am to rantfan
Prayers go out for all that have lost a child. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that would be. I pray that all that have gone through this can feel some sort of condolence for your loss.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:17 am to SCwTiger
I try not to think about my kids dying. I don't know how i'd go on.
Watching the movie with Adam Sandler "Reign on me" is one of the most depressing movies i've ever seen. Underrated movie if you ask me, even with Sandler as a serious actor. I do'nt know what the point of living on would be if i'd lost my wife and kids.
Sorry to all of you that have lost one.
Watching the movie with Adam Sandler "Reign on me" is one of the most depressing movies i've ever seen. Underrated movie if you ask me, even with Sandler as a serious actor. I do'nt know what the point of living on would be if i'd lost my wife and kids.
Sorry to all of you that have lost one.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:25 am to SCwTiger
My son died of SIDS, the day after my birthday, 12 years ago. He was 2 months old. I was in the military at the time, and had just got off of deployment 2 days before. It was agonizing, afterwards. But I came to learn that very little time I had with him was the most remarkably amazing time of my life. With my wife at the time we tried again a year later, only this time to give birth to a premie who lived for a few hours, once again I was deployed. I was evaced off the ship, and sent home to her. We divorced 2 years later, she went on with her life and started a new family, I seeked more personal gains, I have yet to remarry, and I doubt I will ever have kids again.
The pain never leaves, but you learn to cope everyday, hopefully coping well and not self medicating. I don't talk about it much, I am relatively anonymous here, so I oddly feel more open in this venue. Nonetheless, your son was your teacher in life as mine was. I will be relocating from Louisiana to Massachusetts soon and packing my house currently, I came across a lot of old pictures of me and him, every time I see him my heart breaks for him, but my heart mends with the love I have for knowing how precious a child truly is to people filled with love.
And although the anguish has waned, the pain remains. But I am resolute in my compassion for every child this world allows to exist in it. You are not alone, it sounds as though you understand. So just know, I feel your pain and understand it. One day we will all see our children again!
The pain never leaves, but you learn to cope everyday, hopefully coping well and not self medicating. I don't talk about it much, I am relatively anonymous here, so I oddly feel more open in this venue. Nonetheless, your son was your teacher in life as mine was. I will be relocating from Louisiana to Massachusetts soon and packing my house currently, I came across a lot of old pictures of me and him, every time I see him my heart breaks for him, but my heart mends with the love I have for knowing how precious a child truly is to people filled with love.
And although the anguish has waned, the pain remains. But I am resolute in my compassion for every child this world allows to exist in it. You are not alone, it sounds as though you understand. So just know, I feel your pain and understand it. One day we will all see our children again!
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:29 am to rantfan
quote:
On my son's last day they finally let my wife hold him. All his vital signs spiked up for the next 4-5 hours until he died in her arms. It was amazing that this 16 week premature baby who can not see but knew his mother was holding him. The nurse told us that happens all the time.
That's amazing. I'm so glad you have that and are able to know that he felt you both so deeply.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:33 am to RovinBengal
A person very close to me found out she had a baby that had no brain and no kidneys. She was totally heartbroken and made the brave choice to terminate the pregnancy at 23 weeks since her child had no chance of survival.
She's an advocate for woman now that they medical care is between a family and doctors.
She still talks about the baby and they were able to give her the baby's footprints. She had them tattooed on her with wings on the side and the baby's name.
She had two more living children but always tells people that she is a mother of three and happy to tell her experience. The way it was explained was the pain never leaves but your emotional muscles become stronger from the constant use.
Life can be pitiless.
She's an advocate for woman now that they medical care is between a family and doctors.
She still talks about the baby and they were able to give her the baby's footprints. She had them tattooed on her with wings on the side and the baby's name.
She had two more living children but always tells people that she is a mother of three and happy to tell her experience. The way it was explained was the pain never leaves but your emotional muscles become stronger from the constant use.
Life can be pitiless.
This post was edited on 2/26/15 at 10:34 am
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:34 am to rantfan
Yes, I understand. I lost my 22 year old son 11 years ago. It is not an easy path that we walk. The pain is always there. So much sorrow. I am so sorry for your loss.
Dealing with the loss is very hard. The best I can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no more than that.
Dealing with the loss is very hard. The best I can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no more than that.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:37 am to rantfan
My first born was incredibly close to dying. Born 15 weeks early and weighed only 1 lb, 3 oz. Doctors told us that his chances of survival were slim to none, and even went so far as to tell us to say our last goodbyes a couple of weeks after he was born (yesterday was actually the 8 year anniversary of that day-Miracle Day as my wife calls it). Somehow, he gained enough courage to fight and after seven months, he made it out of the NICU and came home with us.
He's 8 now and in the second grade. He's got cerebral palsy and is blind in one eye, but hes the happiest kid you will ever meet. The kid is a fricking trooper.
He's 8 now and in the second grade. He's got cerebral palsy and is blind in one eye, but hes the happiest kid you will ever meet. The kid is a fricking trooper.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:38 am to Isabelle
There aren't many things worse in life than a parent losing a child.
My cousin lost her two children to a fire.
My law school roommate and his 6, 4 and 11 month old children were killed in Houston in a gruesome car wreck - the mother watched all three of her children die.
These affected me greatly. I cannot imagine how tough it must be for the parents.
My cousin lost her two children to a fire.
My law school roommate and his 6, 4 and 11 month old children were killed in Houston in a gruesome car wreck - the mother watched all three of her children die.
These affected me greatly. I cannot imagine how tough it must be for the parents.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:47 am to soccerfüt
All the feels
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:51 am to rantfan
quote:
Your son had the best dad in the world.
Praying for you and your family.
Posted on 2/26/15 at 10:55 am to RovinBengal
quote:
And although the anguish has waned, the pain remains. But I am resolute in my compassion for every child this world allows to exist in it. You are not alone, it sounds as though you understand. So just know, I feel your pain and understand it. One day we will all see our children again!
Condolences on your loss and to all others who have lost a child. We lost our 18 month old daughter to meningitis 38 years ago. The words from your post that I quoted are spot on and well stated.
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