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Message
re: Wife had a miscarriage..This sucks
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:47 pm to Leonard Threenette
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:47 pm to Leonard Threenette
I am so sorry. My daughter had one last week, two months in. This was after hearing the heartbeat and seeing the baby on ultrasound. She had been trying for four years. She too is devastated. But her faith in God is pulling her through and she will try again in April (going through in vitro).
My advice: be there for her and pray with her. She will grieve more than you but that is to be expected. You guys will be in our prayers and I hope God blesses you both very soon....
My advice: be there for her and pray with her. She will grieve more than you but that is to be expected. You guys will be in our prayers and I hope God blesses you both very soon....
0
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:48 pm to ashy larry
quote:
so who is the butthurt poster that has downvoted every post in this thread?
I was noticing this too. Whoever is doing it is a gutless coward. They can't cope with reality.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:48 pm to Leonard Threenette
Sorry to hear it.
Yeah, being there for her is pretty much it... But to some degree, if you can plan a night or two out, or find a little more reason to hang out with her in a group setting (your friends, her friends, family), that can help.
There's a slight (but not so slight) difference in looking for activities to distract you from grief and legitimately wanting to be around good friends and company and having a good time. If you're going to plan to go out and do things with her, do it for the value of enjoying good company and not out of a sense of pity or as a distraction, which will undermine the genuine value of being with friends and loved ones.
Time does not so much heal wounds as much as your choices after such a loss re-shapes you and your outlook. You heal yourself-- perhaps in time-- but through how you respond. So, love your wife and be well. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Yeah, being there for her is pretty much it... But to some degree, if you can plan a night or two out, or find a little more reason to hang out with her in a group setting (your friends, her friends, family), that can help.
There's a slight (but not so slight) difference in looking for activities to distract you from grief and legitimately wanting to be around good friends and company and having a good time. If you're going to plan to go out and do things with her, do it for the value of enjoying good company and not out of a sense of pity or as a distraction, which will undermine the genuine value of being with friends and loved ones.
Time does not so much heal wounds as much as your choices after such a loss re-shapes you and your outlook. You heal yourself-- perhaps in time-- but through how you respond. So, love your wife and be well. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:49 pm to BamaChick
quote:and all of a sudden it seems like they are everywhere
One thing that was really hard for me was to be around pregnant women.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:51 pm to Leonard Threenette
Get back on the horse
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:51 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
We were only like 9 weeks, but she's taking it pretty rough. I kind of feel helpless because I can't fix this, but I guess the only thing I can do is to be there for her.
Smart analysis there, no you can't fix it but you can love her and let her say whatever is on her heart
We have 3 kids but after that, we had 2 stillbirths and 1 miscarriage. My wife would stand in the garden tub staring out the window crying almost howling at the moon. For us, faith is a big deal so that is what got us through
Honestly it hit me later and I fell into a complete clinical depression. She wound up stronger than me
Prayers sent
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:52 pm to Leonard Threenette
Sorry to hear this
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:56 pm to Leonard Threenette
You've got to be there for her bud. She may want to be alone, but all you can do is offer your support.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:01 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
but I guess the only thing I can do is to be there for her.
Indeed. Just remember, you can always try again.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:04 pm to Leonard Threenette
First, let her grieve (you grieve as well), and don't act like it didn't happen/it's no big deal. I'm not saying that you will act like that, but there can be a tendency to try to move on quickly that can sometimes come off as cold.
Now, it depends on what happened and why she miscarried. Assuming that the pregnancy just wasn't meant to be (sometimes these things just happen), and there's nothing she could have done about it, she will still almost certainly feel like there's something wrong with her. I would continue to reassure her that next time will be smooth sailing. Just be aware there's a legit possibility she's going to be feeling like a failure and that she's broken. None of what I just said may apply, but if it does, do what you can to let her know it's not her fault and things will go better next time.
When she's up to it, do something to get away for a bit, like for a weekend, day, afternoon, whatever. Do something for you both to be able to get out of your norm and clear your heads.
Now, it depends on what happened and why she miscarried. Assuming that the pregnancy just wasn't meant to be (sometimes these things just happen), and there's nothing she could have done about it, she will still almost certainly feel like there's something wrong with her. I would continue to reassure her that next time will be smooth sailing. Just be aware there's a legit possibility she's going to be feeling like a failure and that she's broken. None of what I just said may apply, but if it does, do what you can to let her know it's not her fault and things will go better next time.
When she's up to it, do something to get away for a bit, like for a weekend, day, afternoon, whatever. Do something for you both to be able to get out of your norm and clear your heads.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:06 pm to Winkface
quote:
and all of a sudden it seems like they are everywhere
Yep.
And when you do get pregnant again OP, just know she will probably be extra nervous about the pregnancy. I don't think I got comfortable until seven months or so, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:07 pm to MoreOrLes
quote:This is good advice
Comfort
Reassure
Try Again
quote:This is terrible advice
Gods Plan
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:07 pm to Leonard Threenette
My sister-in-law had one a few years ago. Make sure she knows how common it is. Odds are a few of her friends and family have had one (or even more).
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:08 pm to BamaChick
Solid response and out pouring from the OT.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:09 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
We were only like 9 weeks, but she's taking it pretty rough. I kind of feel helpless because I can't fix this, but I guess the only thing I can do is to be there for her.
Any other advice?
Same thing happened at about the same time to us.
Be there for her. It is alot more common than you probably realize so make sure she knows there is nothing wrong with her. My wife beat herself up wondering if she was "broken" and would never have kids. Four months later we found out we were pregnant.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:16 pm to Leonard Threenette
Don't say "we'll try again" or anything else like that about trying to get pregnant again to make her feel better, it might only make her feel worse. I have a friend that had a miscarriage last year the day before she would officially be 12 weeks and announce it to everyone. She isn't sure if she wants to even try getting pregnant again because she says she can't go through another miscarriage. While most women try again and have successful pregnancies....some don't and choose not to try again.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:17 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
Any other advice?
Get off the OT and comfort her
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:22 pm to Leonard Threenette
Wife had one back in 2012. She was in bad shape but the more people she told the more she found out how common it was. It happens to many people but you just never hear about it. People tend to feel ashamed and keep it to themselves. When she was well enough we got pregnant immediately and our daughter is now 14 months and very healthy.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:27 pm to MasCervezas
no one made you idiots click the thread. just move along.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 5:30 pm to Leonard Threenette
Wife had one at 12 weeks.
They did a chromosome test and the tests showed that it would have been a boy with Down's syndrome if he went full term.
After a year, we tried again and have a little girl in perfect health.
They did a chromosome test and the tests showed that it would have been a boy with Down's syndrome if he went full term.
After a year, we tried again and have a little girl in perfect health.
This post was edited on 1/28/15 at 5:32 pm
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