Guide to LSU vs. Kentucky

Sticky please.

There seems to be an influx of confused people in our ranks that do not understand the simple obligations of being a fan of this football team. I am here to help them all.

1. Kentucky is better than you think, and being Kentucky is not going to lose this football game for them. We need to win this game, and it will be difficult.

2. Our stadium needs to be full. If you own tickets, use them. If you cannot use them, give them to others that will. When I say use them, I mean that you have paid for 4 quarters of football in Tiger Stadium. I live in BR and can say with 100% certainty that there is nothing better going on anywhere near here.

This is where it gets tricky

3. Pace yourself and manage your buzz. Do not get wasted before the football game starts, ease into it later in the evening starting with beer and transitioning to whiskey once you get into the stadium. If you get to your seat and are already dizzy from being drunk, you are a useless amateur who should consider following another team. If you stand up at halftime and come to the conclusion that you are piss drunk but can't wait to get your hands on another coke for your second half gas, you are doing it right. Make sure to mix in water at some point.

4. You'll need to become increasingly angry and emotional as the game goes on even if we are winning. But, in all of that, do not boo our fricking players. By the midpoint of the third quarter, it will be time for you to spit fire every time your mouth opens and that intensity needs to be sustained even after you become lightheaded and somewhat disoriented. We are there to eat the souls of the ppl who think that LSU has become a joke to college football, this is serious business.

5. Dance your asses off on the way out of the stadium into knowing that you did your part to the best if your ability and that you were partially responsible for restoring the best in-game atmosphere in all of competetive athletics.