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What to do for a friend's family who lost a parent?
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:14 am
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:14 am
I won't be able to respond to replies for a while but will be able to read the thread. One of my best friends just lost his dad unexpectedly after complications from a surgery. A group of us that are all close with him want to do SOMEthing to help make things even just slightly easier on the family at this time. We've looked into like a Meals on Wheels type program, just so they don't have to worry about cooking for a while. Is there anything else, besides the typical sending flowers and such, that would help them?
12
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:16 am to WG_Dawg
Call him and ask what they need. Send flowers.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:17 am to The Third Leg
quote:
Call him and ask what they need
We don't know the family near as well as we know our friend. We've said to let us know anything they need, but at this point he's going to have millions of other things to think about. I don't think he'll be able to give too much advice in that respect.
And yes, we'll obviously send flowers as a gesture of support, but we're thinking more along the lines of something that would actually help the family (like them not having to cook, to cite my previous example). Or I guess just anything really to help them out.
This post was edited on 9/23/14 at 11:18 am
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:19 am to WG_Dawg
quote:
What to do for a friend's family who lost a parent?
Give them yours
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:20 am to WG_Dawg
When I lost my dad unexpectedly, just having friends be there for me was the main thing. Make sure you keep up with how your friend is doing weekly afterwards for a while, that's when I needed my friends the most because there are lots of people around the week of the funeral. I'll never forget my friends who came to help me move everything out of my dad's house. The food helps as well, one less thing to worry about when making all of the arrangements.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:20 am to WG_Dawg
So tell him you want to handle the food and ask what they prefer. They'll accept.
Don't just go sending meals-on-wheels out to their location.
Don't just go sending meals-on-wheels out to their location.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:22 am to WG_Dawg
Get on your mowers and go knock that yard out. Trim some limbs. Fix the gate. If he was having surgery, he likely wasn't feeling well before it. Surely, there were things that were neglected around his home.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:24 am to WG_Dawg
Food is a good idea. I always recommend sending plants over flowers. I have several from my nephew's funeral and they make me think fondly of him when I see them. Best thing to do is be there for your friend. Call regularly and visit if possible. That will mean the most.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:27 am to WG_Dawg
-Food
-Yardwork
-Help with Pets if they have them
-Run any errands for them if you can
-Yardwork
-Help with Pets if they have them
-Run any errands for them if you can
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:33 am to Btrtigerfan
Great Idea
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:36 am to TXTIGERTAIL
quote:
Call regularly and visit if possible
This is one of the best things you can do. Your friend is likely in a very dark place right now and just needs to be reassured that there are people out there who care about him and that he is not alone. It's really hard losing someone who has been a major part of your life since the day you were born.
Also, for your friend, the pain will never go away. If you see him slipping or starting to go to a bad place mentally, step in.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:41 am to WG_Dawg
When my dad died unexpectedly 4 yrs ago it was nice just having people around.Its important that you are there for him now and AFTER everything is over.Thats the hard part.You are surrounded by people during the services and then all of a sudden they are gone and you are left to deal with the aftermath.Just be there to hangout and support him after the fact.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 11:57 am to pdubya76
I agree, longevity of support is key. Lots of folks around immediately after a loss, it's true friends that continue to help out over the long haul.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 1:17 pm to pdubya76
quote:
When my dad died unexpectedly 4 yrs ago it was nice just having people around.Its important that you are there for him now and AFTER everything is over.Thats the hard part.You are surrounded by people during the services and then all of a sudden they are gone and you are left to deal with the aftermath.Just be there to hangout and support him after the fact.
All of this. And the food definitely helped.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:15 pm to WG_Dawg
Laundry, dishes, and/or grocery shopping are the worst things when you're grieving. My $0.02
This post was edited on 9/23/14 at 9:16 pm
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:17 pm to WG_Dawg
I guess all you can do is let him know that he's not alone.
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:27 pm to WG_Dawg
quote:
We've looked into like a Meals on Wheels type program, just so they don't have to worry about cooking for a while.
When my coworker lost her 3 oldest children in a tragic car accident we set up an online program with a calendar and people signed up to bring meals on the calendar. Made it easier to see when people were bringing meals and what they were bringing. And I know our coworker appreciated it greatly as well. I can't find the website that we used but there are websites out there to set this up.
As others mentioned....make sure people send meals AFTER the funeral as well. Lots of family is there before the funeral but after the funeral there isn't as much support and that will be when help will be even more appreciated by him. What a great friend you are to be thinking about him and his family right now.
This post was edited on 9/23/14 at 9:30 pm
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:34 pm to WG_Dawg
I have always found it helpful to have someone do the basic housework for a few months...maybe you can hire a housekeeping service to come by once every week or so just to keep the place up and running...if your friend's mom is still around and will be living by herself going forward, this will really be a big help...
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:38 pm to WG_Dawg
Take him out in a few weeks and get him drunk
Posted on 9/23/14 at 9:45 pm to jchamil
quote:truth
keep up with how your friend is doing weekly afterwards for a while, that's when I needed my friends the most because there are lots of people around the week of the funeral.
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