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Message
Living/passed grandparents - different treatment (Alzheimer involved) ...TL:DR
Posted on 6/16/14 at 10:30 pm
Posted on 6/16/14 at 10:30 pm
My paternal grandparents have passed. Grandfather about 15 years ago and grandmother recently..... neither had medical lingering issues.
his passing was sudden, unexpected, and devastating.
hers was semi expected, as she was nearly 100 and health was giving out for about a month.
my maternal grandparents are both living, however my grandmother has severe Alzheimer's. Based on her condition, in home 24 hour nursing is not an option. They would all quit. My grandfather has been taken care of by her for almost 60 years and will/would never leave her side. He is not able to take care of her on his own do to frailty, inability to safely drive, and other factors. Because of this both are living in a senior care center inside the locked down Alzheimer's area. He essentially must stay on her needed care level because he will not leave her (not suggesting he should).
so, I feel terrible because i go to the grave site of my paternal grandparents every time I can and I know that I will do the same when the day comes that my maternal grandparents pass.
I simply cannot deal with going to that facility for more than 30 minutes and watch what my grandmother has become, nor what my grandfather is exposed to.... I really wish I could find a way to cherish the time I have with them while they are here but the facility is the most depressing place on the planet.
anyone deal with a somewhat similar situation? How is it possible to overcome seeing once vibrant people reduced to this level of being and still want to go into the situation....?
I feel like I am trying to hang onto the memories of them both 10 years ago by pretending like they are already gone.....
his passing was sudden, unexpected, and devastating.
hers was semi expected, as she was nearly 100 and health was giving out for about a month.
my maternal grandparents are both living, however my grandmother has severe Alzheimer's. Based on her condition, in home 24 hour nursing is not an option. They would all quit. My grandfather has been taken care of by her for almost 60 years and will/would never leave her side. He is not able to take care of her on his own do to frailty, inability to safely drive, and other factors. Because of this both are living in a senior care center inside the locked down Alzheimer's area. He essentially must stay on her needed care level because he will not leave her (not suggesting he should).
so, I feel terrible because i go to the grave site of my paternal grandparents every time I can and I know that I will do the same when the day comes that my maternal grandparents pass.
I simply cannot deal with going to that facility for more than 30 minutes and watch what my grandmother has become, nor what my grandfather is exposed to.... I really wish I could find a way to cherish the time I have with them while they are here but the facility is the most depressing place on the planet.
anyone deal with a somewhat similar situation? How is it possible to overcome seeing once vibrant people reduced to this level of being and still want to go into the situation....?
I feel like I am trying to hang onto the memories of them both 10 years ago by pretending like they are already gone.....
8
Posted on 6/16/14 at 10:38 pm to Mr.Perfect
That's a difficult situation you're dealing with.
My Grandparents went throught the same thing 25 years ago. My mother and uncle put them in a nursing home, I was furious at the time. I tried to block it out and never visited them. They did not last that long there, but I did get to see my grandfather in the hospital and said my goodbyes before he passed.
I regret not visiting them to this day. Don't be me.
Glad tidings.
My Grandparents went throught the same thing 25 years ago. My mother and uncle put them in a nursing home, I was furious at the time. I tried to block it out and never visited them. They did not last that long there, but I did get to see my grandfather in the hospital and said my goodbyes before he passed.
I regret not visiting them to this day. Don't be me.
Glad tidings.
Posted on 6/16/14 at 10:46 pm to Mr.Perfect
quote:
I simply cannot deal with going to that facility for more than 30 minutes and watch what my grandmother has become, nor what my grandfather is exposed to.... I really wish I could find a way to cherish the time I have with them while they are here but the facility is the most depressing place on the planet.
I agree completely...I had a relative in a similar facility and it felt like I was shuting the cage door on a dog everytime I left..just fricking terrible...the only solace to me was that in the later stages, my relative reallly didn't know what was going on...
fwiw, a good number of folks that I know do experience similar feelings that their loved one has already passed when in the late stages...can't really say I disagree....
Posted on 6/16/14 at 10:48 pm to Mr.Perfect
My grandmother passed after a long battle with Alzheimer's in 2006. It was truly one of the saddest things to watch.
It was really hard during the early stages as no one in the family really knew what to do. My grandfather seemed to be in denial for a long time. It took an intervention by various family members to finally get her the proper care. Eventually my grandfather was able to take care of her, but it wasn't with out continued hardships.
When she passed I was sad, but also relieved that she no longer had to suffer. It really scares me to think about if myself or any other family members will also develop the disease.
It was really hard during the early stages as no one in the family really knew what to do. My grandfather seemed to be in denial for a long time. It took an intervention by various family members to finally get her the proper care. Eventually my grandfather was able to take care of her, but it wasn't with out continued hardships.
When she passed I was sad, but also relieved that she no longer had to suffer. It really scares me to think about if myself or any other family members will also develop the disease.
Posted on 6/16/14 at 11:00 pm to Mr.Perfect
I couldn't imagine having to deal with that situation. There's no easy answer.
I will share my experience though. My maternal grandmother had what I would consider a positive Alzheimer's experience. Actually she didn't have Alzheimer's, but she did suffer from severe dementia from a series of strokes and mini strokes. Not long after being diagnosed with this, she was also diagnosed with terminal lung cancer even though she never smoked. But due to the dementia, she never truly realized she was dying. She was at peace throughout the entire length of the illness. She would have good days as far as awareness goes and question why she had to go to the doctor or why hospice was there to see her and we would sometimes tell her about her cancer depending on how we thought she'd handle it. Sometimes she'd handle it well, others she wouldn't. But each time, within hours, she'd again be oblivious to the fact that she was dying of cancer.
I will share my experience though. My maternal grandmother had what I would consider a positive Alzheimer's experience. Actually she didn't have Alzheimer's, but she did suffer from severe dementia from a series of strokes and mini strokes. Not long after being diagnosed with this, she was also diagnosed with terminal lung cancer even though she never smoked. But due to the dementia, she never truly realized she was dying. She was at peace throughout the entire length of the illness. She would have good days as far as awareness goes and question why she had to go to the doctor or why hospice was there to see her and we would sometimes tell her about her cancer depending on how we thought she'd handle it. Sometimes she'd handle it well, others she wouldn't. But each time, within hours, she'd again be oblivious to the fact that she was dying of cancer.
Posted on 6/16/14 at 11:06 pm to tysonslefthook
going thru that situation right now with my FIL (in a facility) and MIL who is coherent, yet her short and long term memory is deteriorating each day
we try to remember the positive things from years past, yet the present sucks . we know the inevitable and dread the day we get "that call"
reach out to family and your support group to get through the difficult times . talking about it is positive, suppressing your feelings only makes it worse
prayers sent brother
we try to remember the positive things from years past, yet the present sucks . we know the inevitable and dread the day we get "that call"
reach out to family and your support group to get through the difficult times . talking about it is positive, suppressing your feelings only makes it worse
prayers sent brother
Posted on 6/17/14 at 12:18 am to Mr.Perfect
My Mom passed away several years back due to dementia. I took early retirement to move in with her for the time she had remaining; I am the only living immediate family member. I felt it was my responsibility to do what I could for her. I had full time, in home care to help me, which was very helpful. It was emotionally difficult to see her deterioration, both mentally and physically, but there was nobody else to be with her. At the end, I was ready to let her go and gratefull that I was able to spend her last times with her.
Posted on 6/17/14 at 12:37 am to Mr.Perfect
Keep going, if not for any other reason than to give your grandfather a break in the monotony. How is HE handling all of this? It can't be easy. I'm sure that any visit, even a short one is appreciated.
Posted on 6/17/14 at 12:51 am to Mr.Perfect
(no message)
This post was edited on 12/27/14 at 12:01 am
Posted on 6/17/14 at 5:34 am to Mr.Perfect
Yes I am going through a similar situation with my parents, both in their late 80's. Mom has moderate Alzheimer's and Dad is extremely frail with mobility problems, a host of health issues, on oxygen and now dementia. They are in assisted living and don't like it. I am the closest family and I am 3 hours away. Our support has come from the social workers, PT and the doctor at the memory care clinic. At least they are still together sharing a room. This is hard on the whole family.
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