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Started By
Message
How to Survive the Soccer Board Suggestions Thread
Posted on 5/14/14 at 12:57 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 12:57 am
(This post is a rough draft of what the official thread will look like)
-------------------------------------------------
THE FIRST COMMANDMENT OF THE SOCCER BOARD
No scores in thread titles. None. Whatsoever. It doesn't matter what time of day the match is being played. The founders and veterans have etched this in stone. Don't ever put a score in the thread title. At all. Ever. Period. End of discussion.
-------------------------------------------------
TERMS/LINGO/INSIDE JOKES
Soccer Terms
Pitch: The soccer field.
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Stoppage Time / Injury Time: Since the upwards-counting clock constantly runs in soccer, time is not stopped for injuries or lengthy dead balls. At the end of the 45 minutes each half, the referee adds extra minutes to the clock to make up for lost time. This is not an exact time unlike other sports, and the end of the half is all up to the referee.
Offside: Not "offsides." No "s." A rather confusing rule for beginners. In the most basic terms, the receiver of a pass cannot be closer to the goal than the ball and the second-to-last defender (the goalkeeper usually is the last defender) when the ball is initially touched. The rule gets murky whenever you have to decide whether an offside player, even if the pass wasn't intended for him, is "actively involved" in the play.
Corner / Corner Kick: If the ball goes out of bounds past the goal line and the defending team was the last one to touch it, the offensive team gets to play it back into play by crossing the ball from the corner of the field. This is where you see headed goalscoring opportunities.
Cross: A lofted pass that usually goals toward the front of the goal for headers. Crosses are usually played from the wings.
Free Kick: Whenever a foul is committed outside the penalty box (more on that below), the team who was fouled restarts play by kicking the ball from the spot of the foul, without any defensive pressure on the kicker.
Penalty / Pen: Whenever a player is fouled inside the goalkeeper's 18-yard box or there is a handball call inside the 18-yard box, the offensive team is awarded a direct kick from 12 yards out, one-on-one with the goalkeeper.
World Cup
Format: 32 teams are divided into eight groups of four. The groups play a round-robin with the top two teams advancing to the knockout stage. Matches are 90 minutes and there can be ties/draws in the group stage. In the single-elimination knockout stage, ties are settled in a 30-minute extra time period. If it's still tied after the 90 minutes, we go to a penalty kick shootout. England will most likely lose one of these shootouts.
USMNT: The United States Men's National Team. The Yanks. Rapists of the Hex. You will be cheering for them in Brazil.
Klinsi: Jurgen Klinsmann. Former German star, current USMNT manager. Doing a lot to grow the game in the United States. I'm sure he has nicknames I'm forgetting.
Germaricans: Nickname given to the half-German/half-American players on the USMNT. These include Jermaine Jones, Timmy Chandler, Fabian Johnson and Julian Green. Born to German mothers and American military fathers. FIFA rules let these players with dual-citizenship through their parents pick who they want to play for, and these guys made the right choice. Klinsmann has recruited several of these guys.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. Played for Fulham, eventually landed in MLS. Former Seattle Sounder goalscorer, current DC United non-scorer and 2014 WC "snub." When asked which video games he played, he responded, "I don’t play video games. I’m a grown-arse man."
StuHawk / StuBear: Stu Holden. USMNT and Bolton midfielder. The Soccer Board's favorite man crush. Has the worst injury luck of anyone on the planet. Won't be at the World Cup.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. Rapper. USMNT captain. American hero. Creator of Deuce Face. Played in the EPL, now tears it up for Seat Don't tread.
LandyCakes / LandyShades: Landon Donovan. Greatest player in USMNT history. Hates Mexicans. Some opposing fans at last year's Gold Cup (North American tournament) threw sunglasses at him as he was trying to take a corner kick. He dealt with it in the coolest way possible.
Josmer / Young Josmer: Jozy Altidore. USMNT forward. Coming off a dreadful year at Sunderland in the English Premier League. Seems to turn up the goalscoring when he's playing for the USMNT.
BB: Baby Bradley, or Michael Bradley. Former European-trotting midfielder, now Toronto FC workhorse. The greatest player in North America. His dad was the coach.
Timmy: Tim Howard. USMNT and Everton goalkeeper.
Aron Bacon: Aron Johannsson. Plays for AZ in Holland and is a newer USMNT forward. Born in Mobile, Alabama. Pissed off Iceland, suited up for America. He looks like Kevin Bacon.
San Zusi: Graham Zusi. USMNT and Sporting Kansas City midfielder. He scored a late header for the USMNT that basically sent Mexico to the World Cup. (Turn on the English subtitles on that YouTube link to see how the Mexican announcer trashes Mexico while praising the USMNT.)
BeckerDreads: Kyle Beckerman. Veteran USMNT and Real Salt Lake midfielder. Has dreadlocks. His stock has rose for the most part in the eyes of the SB under Klinsmann.
Judas / Guido Judas : Giuseppe Rossi. He might be at the World Cup for Italy. You will hate him.
Mexico: Pure evil.
Dos a Cero: "Two to zero." This is a common scoreline for USMNT wins over Mexico in recent years, ensuring America's spot on top of North American soccer.
CONCACAF: The Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football. The USMNT's soccer conference, which contains teams it will play in order to qualify for the World Cup.
Mile High Hellhole / Hell / Pit of Despair / God's Septic Tank: Estadio Azteca in Mexico. El Tri's home stadium. Dos a cero.
Spain: Defending World Cup and two-time Euro champions. Best team in the world. Mostly FC Barcelona and Real Madrid players. Dandy Lion is our resident Spain expert.
Brazil: The hosts of the 2014 World Cup. Defeated Spain at the Confederations Cup, the preview mini-tournament held every year before the World Cup. Joga bonito.
Holland / Netherlands: The 2010 World Cup runners-up. The Dutch have a ton of older attacking talent that loves to fight with each other. Holland flamed out at its last major tournament.
Italy: Another title contender in Brazil. Usually plays a more defensive game but has a lot of younger attacking talent in this year's squad. wm72 is our resident Italy expert.
Ghana: The eternal thorn in the USMNT's side. Will probably have to be beaten this year if the USMNT want to get out of its group.
Portugal: Cristiano Ronaldo and friends. Another group matchup for the USMNT.
Germany: Hendo (hendersonshands) is our resident Germany expert. Another major contender for the title in Brazil. Another group matchup for the USMNT.
-------------------------------------------------
THE FIRST COMMANDMENT OF THE SOCCER BOARD
No scores in thread titles. None. Whatsoever. It doesn't matter what time of day the match is being played. The founders and veterans have etched this in stone. Don't ever put a score in the thread title. At all. Ever. Period. End of discussion.
-------------------------------------------------
TERMS/LINGO/INSIDE JOKES
Soccer Terms
Pitch: The soccer field.
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Stoppage Time / Injury Time: Since the upwards-counting clock constantly runs in soccer, time is not stopped for injuries or lengthy dead balls. At the end of the 45 minutes each half, the referee adds extra minutes to the clock to make up for lost time. This is not an exact time unlike other sports, and the end of the half is all up to the referee.
Offside: Not "offsides." No "s." A rather confusing rule for beginners. In the most basic terms, the receiver of a pass cannot be closer to the goal than the ball and the second-to-last defender (the goalkeeper usually is the last defender) when the ball is initially touched. The rule gets murky whenever you have to decide whether an offside player, even if the pass wasn't intended for him, is "actively involved" in the play.
Corner / Corner Kick: If the ball goes out of bounds past the goal line and the defending team was the last one to touch it, the offensive team gets to play it back into play by crossing the ball from the corner of the field. This is where you see headed goalscoring opportunities.
Cross: A lofted pass that usually goals toward the front of the goal for headers. Crosses are usually played from the wings.
Free Kick: Whenever a foul is committed outside the penalty box (more on that below), the team who was fouled restarts play by kicking the ball from the spot of the foul, without any defensive pressure on the kicker.
Penalty / Pen: Whenever a player is fouled inside the goalkeeper's 18-yard box or there is a handball call inside the 18-yard box, the offensive team is awarded a direct kick from 12 yards out, one-on-one with the goalkeeper.
World Cup
Format: 32 teams are divided into eight groups of four. The groups play a round-robin with the top two teams advancing to the knockout stage. Matches are 90 minutes and there can be ties/draws in the group stage. In the single-elimination knockout stage, ties are settled in a 30-minute extra time period. If it's still tied after the 90 minutes, we go to a penalty kick shootout. England will most likely lose one of these shootouts.
USMNT: The United States Men's National Team. The Yanks. Rapists of the Hex. You will be cheering for them in Brazil.
Klinsi: Jurgen Klinsmann. Former German star, current USMNT manager. Doing a lot to grow the game in the United States. I'm sure he has nicknames I'm forgetting.
Germaricans: Nickname given to the half-German/half-American players on the USMNT. These include Jermaine Jones, Timmy Chandler, Fabian Johnson and Julian Green. Born to German mothers and American military fathers. FIFA rules let these players with dual-citizenship through their parents pick who they want to play for, and these guys made the right choice. Klinsmann has recruited several of these guys.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. Played for Fulham, eventually landed in MLS. Former Seattle Sounder goalscorer, current DC United non-scorer and 2014 WC "snub." When asked which video games he played, he responded, "I don’t play video games. I’m a grown-arse man."
StuHawk / StuBear: Stu Holden. USMNT and Bolton midfielder. The Soccer Board's favorite man crush. Has the worst injury luck of anyone on the planet. Won't be at the World Cup.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. Rapper. USMNT captain. American hero. Creator of Deuce Face. Played in the EPL, now tears it up for Seat Don't tread.
LandyCakes / LandyShades: Landon Donovan. Greatest player in USMNT history. Hates Mexicans. Some opposing fans at last year's Gold Cup (North American tournament) threw sunglasses at him as he was trying to take a corner kick. He dealt with it in the coolest way possible.
Josmer / Young Josmer: Jozy Altidore. USMNT forward. Coming off a dreadful year at Sunderland in the English Premier League. Seems to turn up the goalscoring when he's playing for the USMNT.
BB: Baby Bradley, or Michael Bradley. Former European-trotting midfielder, now Toronto FC workhorse. The greatest player in North America. His dad was the coach.
Timmy: Tim Howard. USMNT and Everton goalkeeper.
Aron Bacon: Aron Johannsson. Plays for AZ in Holland and is a newer USMNT forward. Born in Mobile, Alabama. Pissed off Iceland, suited up for America. He looks like Kevin Bacon.
San Zusi: Graham Zusi. USMNT and Sporting Kansas City midfielder. He scored a late header for the USMNT that basically sent Mexico to the World Cup. (Turn on the English subtitles on that YouTube link to see how the Mexican announcer trashes Mexico while praising the USMNT.)
BeckerDreads: Kyle Beckerman. Veteran USMNT and Real Salt Lake midfielder. Has dreadlocks. His stock has rose for the most part in the eyes of the SB under Klinsmann.
Judas / Guido Judas : Giuseppe Rossi. He might be at the World Cup for Italy. You will hate him.
Mexico: Pure evil.
Dos a Cero: "Two to zero." This is a common scoreline for USMNT wins over Mexico in recent years, ensuring America's spot on top of North American soccer.
CONCACAF: The Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football. The USMNT's soccer conference, which contains teams it will play in order to qualify for the World Cup.
Mile High Hellhole / Hell / Pit of Despair / God's Septic Tank: Estadio Azteca in Mexico. El Tri's home stadium. Dos a cero.
Spain: Defending World Cup and two-time Euro champions. Best team in the world. Mostly FC Barcelona and Real Madrid players. Dandy Lion is our resident Spain expert.
Brazil: The hosts of the 2014 World Cup. Defeated Spain at the Confederations Cup, the preview mini-tournament held every year before the World Cup. Joga bonito.
Holland / Netherlands: The 2010 World Cup runners-up. The Dutch have a ton of older attacking talent that loves to fight with each other. Holland flamed out at its last major tournament.
Italy: Another title contender in Brazil. Usually plays a more defensive game but has a lot of younger attacking talent in this year's squad. wm72 is our resident Italy expert.
Ghana: The eternal thorn in the USMNT's side. Will probably have to be beaten this year if the USMNT want to get out of its group.
Portugal: Cristiano Ronaldo and friends. Another group matchup for the USMNT.
Germany: Hendo (hendersonshands) is our resident Germany expert. Another major contender for the title in Brazil. Another group matchup for the USMNT.
This post was edited on 6/4/14 at 6:56 pm
13
Posted on 5/14/14 at 12:58 am to WarSlamEagle
LINK
I did some work on the Google Machine and found the TN Bhoy thread everyone talks about. I wasn't on this site when this bad boy was posted.
So, from the ashes of Bhoy's thread, I say we make a new thread of terms/lingo/rules ahead of the World Cup.
I'll start by copy-pasting some stuff from Bhoy's old thread into the first post. Feel free to reply with good terms and such.
I did some work on the Google Machine and found the TN Bhoy thread everyone talks about. I wasn't on this site when this bad boy was posted.
So, from the ashes of Bhoy's thread, I say we make a new thread of terms/lingo/rules ahead of the World Cup.
I'll start by copy-pasting some stuff from Bhoy's old thread into the first post. Feel free to reply with good terms and such.
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 1:01 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:05 am to WarSlamEagle
As long as the basis of this one isn't his opinions of teams/leagues/rivalries/players, then yea.
Eta - you should use this thread as the discussion/idea thread to build the thread we want in a couple of weeks.
Eta - you should use this thread as the discussion/idea thread to build the thread we want in a couple of weeks.
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 1:07 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:08 am to WarSlamEagle
quote:
OLASDM: Our Lord and Saviour Danny Mwanga. Striker who the board hopes will become an American NT player very soon.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:09 am to Xenophon
quote:
Eta - you should use this thread as the discussion/idea thread to build the thread we want in a couple of weeks.
Good idea. I'll put a rough draft of the OP for the new thread in this thread.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:11 am to WarSlamEagle
quote:
and 2014 WC snub
meh
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:43 am to Broski
quote:
meh
Fixed.
I copy and pasted a good bit of TN Bhoy's thread into the first post of this thread.
Please add suggestions for new terms and whatnot. I added a few myself off the top of my head, but it's late and I'm not on top of my game tonight.
Let's get to it, Soccer Board.
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 1:45 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 1:58 am to WarSlamEagle
You'll need to explain offsides somewhere in there. 
And me - the only girl that regularly posts on the Soccer Board. I'm the f@g hag.
And me - the only girl that regularly posts on the Soccer Board. I'm the f@g hag.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 2:20 am to WarSlamEagle
Add "dos a cero" to inside jokes just below Mexico
Also Beckerdreads
And some of these tards won't know what the term pitch means
Also Beckerdreads
And some of these tards won't know what the term pitch means
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 3:08 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 6:40 am to olddawg26
Yeah there should definitely be a bit about commonly misunderstood rules. I think even explaining corner vs goal kick would be helpful for some (in addition to offsides).
Also, I would avoid mentioning specific posters. I just don't think it's necessary to mention who likes which teams, because where do you draw the line, and honestly, who cares. Feel free to disagree, but that's just my 2 cents.
ETA2:
San Zusi
This absolutely has to be posted. Even more props if you can find a link to a page that has a translation (which includes all the bits about the US wearing the pants and how Mexico blows and the US plays the game like it was meant to be played).
Deuce face should definitely be a gif. Landyshades needs to be a gif with an explanation of the stuff being thrown at him while trying to take the corner kick.
ETA:
We should add soccer terms (upper ninety, box, pk, pitch, etc)
Also, I would avoid mentioning specific posters. I just don't think it's necessary to mention who likes which teams, because where do you draw the line, and honestly, who cares. Feel free to disagree, but that's just my 2 cents.
ETA2:
San Zusi
This absolutely has to be posted. Even more props if you can find a link to a page that has a translation (which includes all the bits about the US wearing the pants and how Mexico blows and the US plays the game like it was meant to be played).
Deuce face should definitely be a gif. Landyshades needs to be a gif with an explanation of the stuff being thrown at him while trying to take the corner kick.
ETA:
We should add soccer terms (upper ninety, box, pk, pitch, etc)
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 6:57 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 7:06 am to BamaChick
quote:
You'll need to explain offsides somewhere in there.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 7:08 am to chillygentilly
So she added an s. So did I. Get over it
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 7:09 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 7:30 am to WarSlamEagle
I would add something about the Germaricans. Sure there will be some questions about them
Posted on 5/14/14 at 7:32 am to cwil177
Here is my suggested order:
Essentials
-No scores in threads
-No trolling by saying soccer is "not a sport", etc.
-Where to watch games (Londoner, Finn's, etc.)
World Cup Basics
-8 groups of 4 play each other once
-3 points for a win, one for a tie
-Top two in each group advance to knockout rounds
-Games 90 mins; end in a tie for group stage, added time and penalties for knockouts
-Other important tournament points (yellow card accumulation, goal difference, etc.)
USMNT
-Group schedule
-Major rivals (Mexico, Ghana, Italy, Germany...)
-History (maybe?) - how we did at each world cup staring w/ 1990 + 2009 Confed Cup and 2013 winning streak
-American Outlaws
-Klinsmann
-Players
Other National Teams
-Spain, Mexico, Germany, Italy, Ghana, Portugal...
Major International Players
-Ronaldo, Messi, Balotelli, Chicharito...
Optional: categories for glossary, club soccer, and tactics
Essentials
-No scores in threads
-No trolling by saying soccer is "not a sport", etc.
-Where to watch games (Londoner, Finn's, etc.)
World Cup Basics
-8 groups of 4 play each other once
-3 points for a win, one for a tie
-Top two in each group advance to knockout rounds
-Games 90 mins; end in a tie for group stage, added time and penalties for knockouts
-Other important tournament points (yellow card accumulation, goal difference, etc.)
USMNT
-Group schedule
-Major rivals (Mexico, Ghana, Italy, Germany...)
-History (maybe?) - how we did at each world cup staring w/ 1990 + 2009 Confed Cup and 2013 winning streak
-American Outlaws
-Klinsmann
-Players
Other National Teams
-Spain, Mexico, Germany, Italy, Ghana, Portugal...
Major International Players
-Ronaldo, Messi, Balotelli, Chicharito...
Optional: categories for glossary, club soccer, and tactics
This post was edited on 5/14/14 at 8:20 am
Posted on 5/14/14 at 7:51 am to NOTORlOUSD
quote:
-No trolling by saying soccer is "not a sport", etc.
That will just provoke the problem, imo.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 8:04 am to NOTORlOUSD
quote:
-8 groups of four play each other once
FIFY.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 8:13 am to NOTORlOUSD
quote:
Major International Players
quote:
Chicharito
Posted on 5/14/14 at 8:19 am to WarSlamEagle
quote:
Scousers: Liverpool, or supporters of Liverpool.
This is anyone from the city of Liverpool regardless of affiliation.
quote:
Merseysiders: Everton or Everton Supporters
This is also anyone from the city of Liverpool regardless of affiliation.
Posted on 5/14/14 at 8:20 am to WarSlamEagle
quote:
Club Soccer
Formatting suggestion: order the leagues by their country coefficient
Posted on 5/14/14 at 8:22 am to Bho
quote:
pvilleguru
Thanks, I fixed it.
quote:
Bho
I'm not saying he's a top player in the world, but he's worth listing for a fan guide.
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