Writing better business e-mails.......

Subject line should be descriptive, but still short enough to read on phone.

Emails should not be memo's. They were meant to be succinct. The ask should be immediate after the introduction. Then the next paragraph should be a quick summary of your needs/plan.


Subject: Meeting in New Orleans - Project Apple

TJG,

Good Afternoon. I am Golfer, Director of Widgets at Widgets inc, and would like to meet with you in person during my next visit to New Orleans on March 10th and 11th.

We have recently launched Project Apple and I believe that your company would benefit from this venture. More information on the project can be found at www.projectapple.com.

I look forward to hearing from you soon regarding your availability.

Sincerely,
Golfer

Right click, mark as spam.

Your words, they are hurtful.

quote:

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Writing better business e-mails

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This is something I have shared and continue to share with my team. Rinse and repeat every so often.

I'm in the senior retirement industry, but you can substitute for the verbage of your industry.


4 Tips to Get Busy People to Read Your E-Mail


1. Subject Lines Matter. A Lot.

• Your subject line should be clear and concrete. It should also be personal and if possible, offer value. Think it terms of the being the reader. “If I'm reading your emails, it's because I'll trade my time for the value I receive from reading your e-mail.” Remember WIIFT.
• Subject lines should be 75 characters or less. This should ensure the whole message shows up in the subject line. Anything longer, a person and/or e-mail system might think it is SPAM.
• Although very catchy, a bad subject line example is “Read this or DIE” is probably not the most appropriate.
• Good examples. “What did you think of your visit today with us?” “Confirming our appointment tomorrow at 11:30 a.m.” “Improving your mom’s life.”


2. Remind recipient (i.e. influencer) of context of conversation / meeting.

• Briefly recap your conversation by phone in an e-mail. Short and concise.


3. Limit Your Entire E-mail to Six Sentences or Fewer.

• I know it’s going to be painful. You have so many important things to say. However, getting your e-mail READ is MORE IMPORTANT than getting all that explanation in there!
• Your goal is to make it easy for recipient (i.e. influencer) to respond immediately from their smart phone.


4. Make Your Ask Explicit.

• If you want to set an appointment, ask for the appointment.
• Provide two options for time/date and ask for a specified length. What might work best for you?
• Don't be sly. Don't hint. Make the process ridiculously easy by just asking for what you want.
• Always ask open-ended questions by e-mail. These will generate a response. Here are some examples that you can pick and choose:

o “What happened after you and your mother/father left the community?”
o “What did you the two of you discuss?”
o “What concerns did he/she express to you privately?” “Are there any new concerns that you would like to discuss now?”
o “What do you feel is going to be the deciding factor as to the community you or your loved one will choose?”
o “What can I do to help you or your loved one to consider making a move to our community and truly experience all the benefits we have to offer?”

I'm big one numbering or lettering topics if I'm covering certain things.

For example:

a) Floor color: I think we should use black.

b) Trim color: We need to make this match to same color used on the Orleans project.

c) Did Tim send back the wood samples yet?

Agreed.

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Subject: Meeting in New Orleans - Project Apple

TJG,

Good Afternoon. I am Golfer, Director of Widgets at Widgets inc, and would like to meet with you in person during my next visit to New Orleans on March 10th and 11th.

We have recently launched Project Apple and I believe that your company would benefit from this venture. More information on the project can be found at www.projectapple.com.

I look forward to hearing from you soon regarding your availability.

Sincerely,
Golfer

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I would probably only send this as a follow-up to an inquiry or some other expressed interest from the client. Otherwise you've not given him any information about how the product/service and meeting will benefit him. Also, you said you look forward to hearing from him, I'd turn that around with "I'll give you a call Monday morning to discuss a demonstration for you and your team. Of course, feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or would like additional information."

- implied benefit
- build trust (i.e. reference, press)
- call to action (website, attachment, seminar)
- next step you'll be taking to follow up

Of course you could reverse this with a phone call first with voice mail likely. At the end of the message state, "I'm going to send you an email shortly with a short white paper detailing how ZYX Industries cut lead times in half after they installed the gizmo 950"