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Message
“Life, love, and p*ssy” – Outrageous Sigma Chi Email Leaked
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:54 pm
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:54 pm
quote:
Subject: Life, love, and pussy
Guys, I just want to put out an early semester reminder that life is good. You’re here, you’re alive, your penis may not always work, but it hasn’t fallen off yet; be thankful. I ask you all to take a few seconds off from complaining about the cold, or preparing your schedule for Spring 2016, and look around you. There’s beer to be drunk, porn to view, and sluts to frick. Let me reiterate that last point: sluts are everywhere. While walking from class to class with your head down limiting exposure to the arctic winds of late, take notice of the feet shuffling by. See some riding boots? Some uggs? A hideous pair of rain boots without a cloud in sight? Now, raise your gaze from the footwear up, allow your eyes to wander from the feet up the long and slender legs of the lesser sex until finally you arrive at God’s greatest gift: the box.
Now stop. Take it all in, breath deep, imagine what kind of underwear she’s wearing, even entertain the idea she may not be wearing any at all, but stare as long as you please, they don’t mind.
Now refocus. That vagina needs you. Never mind the extremities that surround it, the 99% of horrendously illogical bullshite that makes up the modern woman, consider only the 1%, the snatch. Empires have risen and fallen at the hands of the female genitalia. It has made many men, and crushed countless more. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim, don’t be another statistic. Master your craft, hone your skills, and perfect your stroke. Put two moist sponges in a solo cup and frick that until you get it right if you have to, but do not settle until you’ve done just that: gotten it right. I can’t do this alone boys. I’m losing sleep at night thinking of all the pussies crying out for a good frick and not getting it, so I’m reaching out to you all in a time of need to initiate my community outreach program: Save the Sluts. Don’t let this beautiful opportunity go to waste. Seize the moment, stuff the box, and put the neglected pussies that haunt my dreams to rest.
Thank you all, and good luck.
LINK
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:55 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
Master your craft, hone your skills, and perfect your stroke. Put two moist sponges in a solo cup and frick that until you get it right if you have to, but do not settle until you’ve done just that: gotten it right.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:57 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
Put two moist sponges in a solo cup and frick that until you get it right if you have to
Something tells me the person who typed this did that before
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:57 pm to mr. penguin
What kind person actually sits down and type something like that up?
I hope his mom gets to read it.
I hope his mom gets to read it.
This post was edited on 1/29/14 at 12:59 pm
Posted on 1/29/14 at 12:58 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
Never mind the extremities that surround it, the 99% of horrendously illogical bullshite that makes up the modern woman, consider only the 1%, the snatch.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:01 pm to mr. penguin
I'd vote for that man for president of the world given the opportunity.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:01 pm to Turkey_Creek_Tiger
gamma iota would not and need not release such bullshite
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:03 pm to mr. penguin
I read this in the voice of George C Scott as Patton.
It's even more epic.
It's even more epic.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:04 pm to mr. penguin
that's about as beta as it gets
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:05 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
Put two moist sponges in a solo cup and frick that until you get it right if you have to, but do not settle until you’ve done just that: gotten it right.
BRB, getting it right.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:06 pm to mr. penguin
That is not outrageous at all, IMO. It is pretty much what I expect from a frat email
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:07 pm to Tiger in NY
Yea idk what people think gets said in these type of group emails
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:07 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
Now stop. Take it all in, breath deep, imagine what kind of underwear she’s wearing, even entertain the idea she may not be wearing any at all, but stare as long as you please, they don’t mind.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:09 pm to mr. penguin
Long sleeve button down cuffed up twice
Slim fit khaki shorts that stop 4-6 inches above the knees
Boat shoes...no socks
Expensive arse watch mom bought
Dad paying notes on the foreign ride
Will have funded a few abortion clinic trips
........
Slim fit khaki shorts that stop 4-6 inches above the knees
Boat shoes...no socks
Expensive arse watch mom bought
Dad paying notes on the foreign ride
Will have funded a few abortion clinic trips
........
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:09 pm to mr. penguin
quote:
lesser sex until finally you arrive at God’s greatest gift: the box.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:10 pm to elprez00
quote:
I read this in the voice of George C Scott as Patton.
It's even more epic.
Posted on 1/29/14 at 1:12 pm to mr. penguin
Read this in Gilbert Gottfried's voice.
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