NFL logos as Hipsters

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Boston? Feh. I’m from Foxboro. You’ve probably never been there, it’s way out of the way in the middle of the woods. Only the right people get invited

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Yeah, I know you like that other New York Team. The Big Blue whatevers, but we’re totally the cool ones, ya know. We were kissing reporters before it was cool.

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Yeah, I used to go to the super bowl a lot, back when it was interesting. It sold out, man, I’m not going back.

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Land is too mainstream

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I only drink this during parties man, you have any idea how good this beer is? Of course you don’t. Go watch Blue Velvet and tell me this isn’t the best beer ever

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So what if I don’t wear actual vintage shoes? What of it? Real vintage falls apart and I want to be comfortable while I disappoint my parents.

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[quote]used to live in Baltimore, back before it went all “The Wire”. I heard the meth was better in Indy so I hitched a ride one night. You should have seen how mad my friends were.

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Nobody roots for us, and that’s just the way I like it. No crowds, only raw football. Plus, I totally know Chad Henne, he can hook us up, know what I’m saying

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I’ve gone to the playoffs these past few years, but if you ask me man it’s gotten too big for itself. Too much glitz, all the celebrities got involved and pushed out all the smaller acts. Screw that.

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I cannot believe plaid went out of style, it’s like a bunch of morons run the planet or something. It’s like they hired some beautiful man to create a new fabric, then fired him after just one year. What’s wrong with this story, man?

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I came to Baltimore for some real grit, also because my girlfriend dumped me and I was homeless. She kept asking for me back but I said no way, time to set out on my own and find B-More’s sweet underground hip hop scene. I don’t like hip hop, but that doesn’t matter.

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When I hang out in other people’s gardens eating their flowers nothing sets me straight like a great IPA. Hops just set my love for life on fire, man, especially if it comes with a subtle citrus finish.

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Instagram literally runs my life. I can send Becki every single breakfast I eat for eternity why would anyone ever deny themselves such pleasure. Hold on, I need to check my tumblr

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This ink on my neck represents my love of the obscure indie band Whiskey Anus. They broke up after one song but they will live forever.

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I lived in San Francisco for a while, but I got tired of paying $3,700 a month for 2 square feet in the Mission. Oakland is way more laid back, you just gotta get past the death and all

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Of course it’s Helvetica, what do I look like, some plebe? Alright fine, it’s Arial. I’m a poser. Let me go commit suicide by placing my head inside a subwoofer during a bass drop.

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Why would I throw batteries at people? I’d rather hit them with free range goat’s milk.

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What do you mean you have an android phone? We can’t be friends

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