Let's write the World Cup | TigerDroppings.com

Posted byMessage
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

Let's write the World Cup


I think this could be a fun SB cooperative endeavor.

This is what we do: take a group, any group, and say what happens in each game. Who wins? Who loses? Are there injuries? Subs? Who gets screwed by the refs? Where does the drama come from? How does your group play out, ideally, in your mind? The WC makes for the craziest of stories, so let's write one.

I'd like to see us write one out for every group, and from there maybe move on to the knockout rounds if people are up for it. I know we have plenty of great writers here, and some comedians too: WSE, Leauxgan, BEAST, Hendo, wm72, and hell, I would even love to see one written in Dandy's crazy variation of English

So, without further Adu (SWIDT?), I present Group A, as I see it happening:

Despite the great expectations of seeing the Joga Bonito from Brazil, the Seleção comes out flatter than expected in their first match, against Croatia. The match goes back and forth for the better part of 90 minutes, until quite late Neymar wins a corner for the blue and yellow. Neymar sends it in, and after a scrum in the area it comes back to the top of the 18, and Hulk smashes a half volley that looks like its headed for the top corner. Mandzukic dives and deflects the ball with his nose, preserving a point for Croatia, much to the chagrin of the Brazilian fans.

The Mexico-Cameroon match was a farce, as many expected it would be. Flopping, face grabbing, jersey pulling, tripping- no flow could be established and the match had little rhythm. Early on the Mexicans go down a man after Marquez gets a fifteenth minute red card for slapping Alex Song in the face following a crunching tackle. Yes, it was a slap. The ball is put back into play, and surprisingly the Mexicans put together a beautiful set of one-twos that results in Javier Hernandez being put in one v one with Cameroon's keeper. He rounds the keeper... and misses the empty net! Oh how could he?!? Frustrated, two minutes later Chicha makes a cynical tackle on Alex Song who, instead of giving an inch, stared straight through the Mexican- one might even say penetrating his soul, filling it with the hardened sorrow of growing up fatherless in war torn Africa. Hernandez immediately pees himself before seeing a yellow. In the 25th minute, Mexico were amazingly handed another straight red after Andres Guardado was caught injecting himself with chicken steroids. The game then became whack and hack, as the Mexicans knew it was all they could resort to. Cameroon gave it back in turn. In the most egregious play of the match, Eto'o got so annoyed with the Little Pea being a Little Bitch that he ran over and grabbed his crotch in an effort to rip his balls off. To the surprise of no one, in the place of two testicles Eto'o found a vagina. Even more irritated, he immediately ran to Dos Santos and ripped off his one descended testicle with a single, swift motion. Koman Coulibaly, who was reffing that day, was no more than five feet away from the incident, but rather than sending off Eto'o he called a foul on Dos Santos. When asked after the game as to why he did so, Coulibaly gave no explanation. Final score: 13-0.

In the next set of matches Croatia tied Cameroon 1-0, and Brazil beat Mexico 1-0 in what the British papers called "a dour affair." After scoring on Mexico in the fastest goal scored in WC history, all of El Tri spontaneously collapsed to the ground in tears. Once order was restored and the ball put back in the center circle, the Mexican team, in a show of solidarity, walked to the locker room holding hands, refusing to succumb to the hurt of their own disgrace. Before they got off the pitch, though, they were all given yellow cards and ordered to resume play. Play was resumed and the ball was immediately stolen by Neymar, who in an effort to impress his home fans performed youtube tricks around the crying Mexicans for the next 89 minutes. The Brazilian fans were so thrilled by the display that they did not realize, in fact, that this was incredibly stupid.

It all came down to the final day. Brazil, Cameroon, and Croatia needed a result to advance, and even Mexico was mathematically still in it. The pressure finally got to Brazil and they were only able to eek out a 1-1 draw against an overmatched Cameroon. It was out of their hands now. Mexico had to tie 0-0 or beat Croatia for Brazil to advance on goals scored, or to advance on GD, respectively. Mexico, desperate not to leave the WC with nothing to show for it, played their hearts out against Croatia. Then, in the 90th minute, Croatia subbed on Luka Modric for an offensive spark. Mistaking him for Graham Zusi, the Mexicans immediately kneeled before him in prayer. Croatia walked in a goal and the game ended, with Brazil crashing out without a win and with Croatia and Cameroon advancing.

The outrage was unlike anything ever seen in Brazil. The riots that proceeded were ten times those seen at the Confederations Cup the year before. The rage was concentrated at two organizations... the CBF and the FMF. In short time the Brazilian team went missing, and the bodies were never found. The hotel that the Mexican team was staying at was burned to the ground, killing everyone inside. In an amazing coincidence, both Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini were in the hotel to present El Tri with their participants medals, and also perished.

TL;DR: The US somehow wins this thing and Sunil Gulati becomes the next head of FIFA and immediately revokes the WC from Qatar and relocates it to.... 'MURICA.


The end.







Back to top
Share:
theOG
Oklahoma Fan
Member since Feb 2010
4320 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


how long did that take?





Back to top
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


Longer than I should have spent on it





Back to top
BraveTiger225
LSU Fan
Atlanta, GA
Member since May 2008
13609 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


Dude. Really? I'm all about wasting time on something no one will read, but it's fricking Sunday.





Back to top
rockchlkjayhku11
Georgia Fan
Athens, GA
Member since Aug 2006
23239 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

Croatia subbed on Luka Modric

frick that






Back to top
Bho
USA Fan
The Good Ol' US of fricking A
Member since Dec 2007
23149 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

TL;DR: The US somehow wins this thing


Good story






Back to top
PrimetimeDaBoss
Columbia Fan
We call it that BOOT
Member since Oct 2008
3448 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


I scrolled all the way down to the tl;dr, and just by reading that it's a good story.





Back to top
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

Dude. Really? I'm all about wasting time on something no one will read, but it's fricking Sunday.

I wrote it a few days ago in response to Dandy saying he hoped Brazil would epicly crash out in the group stages. I was stuck in a hospital bed so I guess I had time to burn.






Back to top
Xenophon
LA-Monroe Fan
Aspen
Member since Feb 2006
33080 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


The whole thing is pretty great.





Back to top
Bottom9
LSU Fan
In Jarvis Landry we trust!
Member since Jul 2010
5144 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


Group E. Honduras shocks the world and beats FONNNNNNCE.

Proceeds to make it to the quarters






Back to top
cigsmcgee
Arkansas Fan
LR
Member since May 2012
2787 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

In the 25th minute, Mexico were amazingly handed another straight red after Andres Guardado was caught injecting himself with chicken steroids.




well done.






Back to top
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

Group E. Honduras shocks the world and beats FONNNNNNCE.

If I had to bet on any upset this WC, that's the one I'm going with. Honduras in a hot, humid environment vs a very questionable French side? I think there's a chance.






Back to top
fightingtigers98
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
Member since Oct 2011
9170 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


Group G

USA Roster
GK- Howard, Guzan, Rimando
DEF- Cherundolo RB, Chandler, Lichaj, Brooks, Gonzales CB, Besler CB, Cameron, Beasley, FJ LB
MID- Donovan RM, Zusi, Diskerud, JJ CM, Bradley CM, Holden, Dempsey CAM
FWD- Jozy ST, Bacon LM, Boyd

It starts off with a hyped up match of Germany vs Portugal. In 32th minute Phillip Lahm's and Ronaldo's knees bang into each other and both are carted off the pitch. Both play a man down until half. In 48th minute Ozil strikes a ball from 27 yards out and it looks like it is going in, but the goalies finger tips knock the ball off of the crossbar. 7 minutes later Nani draws a PK and Portugal convert going up 1-0. Mario Gotze is brought on as a sub and in the 86th minute Ozil sends a ball into him and he scores off a header. Game ends 1-1.

USMNT plays Ghana and obliterates them from the start, with Bradley scoring off a volley from the top of the box in the 3rd minute. KPB turns the ball over at midfield allowing Besler to send a ball to Aron Bacon who makes a brilliant pass to Jozy who slides it into the goal. Things get chippy when Gyan shoves Cherundolo to the ground and is sent off in 79th minute. On the Free kick Dolo sends a ball to donovan who passes it to Diskerud(SUB for JJ) and he passes it back to a darting Donovan down the line who cuts back into the box and finds an open T. Boyd(SUB for Jozy). Game ends 3-0

Next is Ghana vs Germany
Ayew gets a break after Jerome Boateng slips on the turf and gets an easy goal putting Ghana up 1-0 through 12 minutes. After that Germany's talent takes over and use their technical ability to overpower Ghana and win 2-1.

USMNT vs Portugal
Since Ronaldo tore his MCL and is out for the tournament JJ is dropped from the midfield and Bacon is brought up to striker and chandler is inserted at LB pushing FJ to LM.

Game starts off slow due to a heavy rain in the Rain Forest. Portugal is sitting back trying to the catch the US on a counter. They catch us and the ball flies by a pulled out Tim Howard, but is deflected by a darting Chandler before the ball crosses the line. Howard makes an acrobatic save after a break down in the midfield. The US finally gains some momentum and Donovan sends a corner into the box and JAB(SUB for OG) snaps into the lower left corner past Portugal's keeper in 65th minute. Dempsey/Cherundolo/Bradley all pick up yellows. US wins 1-0.


US vs Germany
The US trots out the original XI for this game. The US needs a draw to play the loser of Belgium and Korea. Germany finds their grove early on, but can't convert on any of their chances. US attack is stagnant, but they get a chance in 53rd minute when Zusi sends in a cross(SUB for AJ) to Dempsey, but he narrowly misses and hits the frame. In the 77th minute Gonzales gets called for a tacky penalty in the box and stunningly the ref gives him a red card. Germany converts the penalty, now the US starts attacking Diskerud(SUB for JJ) finds space and sends a through ball to Donovan coming down the left flank who passes it to an open Clint Dempsey and he converts on the goal. The game ends 1-1. Jones/Johnson pick up yellows and OG gets a red
US advances to play Korea

US vs Korea
The surprise of the tournament is Korea who knocked off both Russia and Algeria and had a thrilling tie with Belgium, but Belgium was top seed due to GD. JAB replaces Gonzales in the lineup.

The US dominates possession but have a hard time finding chances since Korea is sitting back infront of goal. In 33rd minute the US gets a corner and Bacon ends up finding the ball and fires on into the net. The game slows down and just becomes boring, but in the 88th minute Lee Chung-Yong scores possibly the best goal in the cup, after he got the ball at midfield he took a couple of touches and flipped the ball past Chandler(SUB for Dolo) he volleys it and bends it over Tim Howard to keep Korea alive. Stu Holden makes his first appearance of the WC for a gassed Michael Bradley who is suffering from a stomach illness. The game ends up going to PKs.

Dempsey makes the first kick and Korea responds with their own kick. Altidore fires past the outstretched keeper. Tim Howard contorts in mid air to block a chip shot from Korea. Holden steps up to take the kick and he cleverly stops as he is going to kick and fools the keeper. Korea stays alive leaving all the pressure on LD to win the game. As he always does, he sinks the penalty and the US moves on.

More later



This post was edited on 12/9 at 6:09 pm


Back to top
kieper89
USA Fan
Texas Rangers Fan
Member since Dec 2011
350 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

Brazil beat Mexico 1-0


quote:

with Brazil crashing out without a win


does not compute.

quote:

Croatia tied Cameroon 1-0

huh?






Back to top
S.E.C. Crazy
Alabama Fan
Alabama
Member since Feb 2013
5383 posts
 Online 

re: Let's write the World Cup


GROUP A

Brazil rape El Tri and the other 2 minnows.








Back to top
Sheep
USA Fan
Maximizing my upside
Member since Jun 2007
15496 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

DEF- Cherundolo RB, Chandler, Lichaj, Brooks,Gonzales CB, Besler CB, Cameron, Beasley, FJ LB 


In your world, we bring more right backs to the World Cup than forwards?

Can't see how this plan could fail.






Back to top
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

does not compute.
quote:

huh?

So you thought the scores were questionable but everything else in there was ok?

FT98- thanks for the contribution. Looking forward to seeing how the US Germany game goes



This post was edited on 12/9 at 10:06 am


Back to top
Broski
USA Fan
Member since Jun 2011
18552 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


quote:

USA Roster
GK- Howard, Guzan, Rimando
DEF- Cherundolo RB, Chandler, Lichaj, Brooks, Gonzales CB, Besler CB, Cameron, Beasley, FJ LB
MID- Donovan RM, Zusi, Diskerud, JJ CM, Bradley CM, Holden, Dempsey CAM, Shea
FWD- Jozy ST, Bacon LM, Boyd


Holy shite...






Back to top
cwil177
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
9778 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


Guys, there are no rules saying it's supposed to be realistic or accurate. If you want it to be a certain way just go ahead and write it yourself.

Sheep I would love to see your take on a group.






Back to top
ShrevetownTiger
USA Fan
Shreveport
Member since Jan 2007
726 posts

re: Let's write the World Cup


While the US is laying the wood to Ghana, Alex Morgan bumps into a guy from Shreveport at the hotdog stand. Mayo flies towards Morgan as the crowd explodes to another US goal. As the guy from Shreveport wipes the mayo off of Morgan's shirt their eyes meet and she decides to break off her engagement and marry Shreveport dude. The End!

quote:

Guys, there are no rules saying it's supposed to be realistic or accurate.






Back to top


Back to top




//