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Totally scientific ranking of all 50 states by not Yahoo
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:22 am
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:22 am
I ranked all 50 states by completely scientific and totally not arbitrary guidelines, the meathodology of which I cannot share due to err...journalistic integrity. Here we go:
50. New Jersey: by all accounts, this state should be in the top 25. They have beaches, mountains, the beautiful Pine Barrens, great cities, convenient location, ect. However, Newark may be the worst city in America, and it's airport the worst major one in the world. The people of New Jersey are it's true enemy. They suck, plain and simple. Pushy, rude, loud, obnoxious, and hateful.
49. South Dakota: Is there anything here other than Mount Rushmore?
48. North Dakota: thank goodness for Fargo. You were ranked higher before the oil bubble popped. Well, it was fun while it lasted.
47. Ohio: this state should be ranked higher. They're home to an iconic college football venue, tons of pro sports, multiple major cities, and Cedar Point. Like New Jersey, people ruin this state...that and Cleveland. I've met a lot of people from Ohio and know many quite well. This state produces douchebags at an alarming rate.
46. Iowa: why should a bunch of corn and pig farmers on the government tit get to decide the presidential nominees?
45. Kansas: even your best city fled across the border to Missouri. That's a sign.
44. Indiana: It's like Illinois, but Indianapolis is no where near as dynamic as Chicago. Plus, Gary drags them down.
43. Nebraska: Omaha keeps you out of the bottom 10. Be thankful, jk. Nothing can save you.
42. Delaware: The first state, home to incredibly lenient corporate tax laws, and Joe Biden. Wow, that's literally everything anyone knows about this state.
41. Connecticut: just big enough to hate slightly more than Rhode Island.
40. Rhode Island: too small to love or hate.
39. Idaho: Boise is a pretty cool place and not nearly as cold as one would expect in the winter. Tons of natural beauty to boot in the many National Parks and forests.
38. Vermont: Maple Syrup, fall foliage, mountains, and...wait, where's the people?
37. New Hampshire: Vermont with a beach.
36. Arkansas: What a strange state. Is it southern or western? The Northwest resembles silicon valley, the southeast looks like Mississippi, the North looks like Missouri, ect. Hot Springs is cool, NWA is rapidly becoming a hot spot, and even Little Rock has it's charm. This state may be underrated, but I think mid 30s is about right.
35. Minnesota: home of the Twin Cities and a population with a sense of humor great enough to elect Al Frankin Senator. The summers here on their 1000 lakes are a thing of beauty, but f*%k winter in that annual wasteland.
34. Wyoming: Whole lot of nothing, but some seriously awesome National Parks.
33. Oklahoma: besides the droughts, floods, tornados, and flat nothing, OK City is rapidly becoming a pretty cool place to be. Bricktown, OU, and T. Boone Pickens make this state inhabitable.
32. New Mexico: if you don't love verde chile, then don't even bother coming. They're also home to Santa Fe, the oldest capital city in North America.
31. Wisconsin: Annoying accents and winter aside, this place has its priorities in order, and they go: Cheese, beer, football, baseball, everything else. Home to some great people, breweries, dairy, the Packers, and everything else. Winter keeps this state out of the top 20, but it could probably stand to be higher, don'tchaknow.
30. Kentucky: Great people, great scenery, the Kentucky Derby, UK, Louisville Slugger, and the National Corvette Museum. This state is probably under-ranked, but despite all of these things, I managed to have a really, really bad time here.
29. Massachusetts: home of Boston, the start of the Revolution, Cape Cod, and the Red Sox. A whole lot of crazy in one small state.
28. Nevada: Vegas, baby! Then what?
27. Illinois: the opposite of Georgia. The rest of the state (plus Winter) drags Chicago down. Really cool city with great people, way better than LA transplants or New Yorkers. The rest of the state is just corn...f&%king corn.
26. Georgia: Atlanta and bro country, drag this state down, bad. The rest of the state, especially Savannah are pretty cool. Athens is probably the best college town in America.
50. New Jersey: by all accounts, this state should be in the top 25. They have beaches, mountains, the beautiful Pine Barrens, great cities, convenient location, ect. However, Newark may be the worst city in America, and it's airport the worst major one in the world. The people of New Jersey are it's true enemy. They suck, plain and simple. Pushy, rude, loud, obnoxious, and hateful.
49. South Dakota: Is there anything here other than Mount Rushmore?
48. North Dakota: thank goodness for Fargo. You were ranked higher before the oil bubble popped. Well, it was fun while it lasted.
47. Ohio: this state should be ranked higher. They're home to an iconic college football venue, tons of pro sports, multiple major cities, and Cedar Point. Like New Jersey, people ruin this state...that and Cleveland. I've met a lot of people from Ohio and know many quite well. This state produces douchebags at an alarming rate.
46. Iowa: why should a bunch of corn and pig farmers on the government tit get to decide the presidential nominees?
45. Kansas: even your best city fled across the border to Missouri. That's a sign.
44. Indiana: It's like Illinois, but Indianapolis is no where near as dynamic as Chicago. Plus, Gary drags them down.
43. Nebraska: Omaha keeps you out of the bottom 10. Be thankful, jk. Nothing can save you.
42. Delaware: The first state, home to incredibly lenient corporate tax laws, and Joe Biden. Wow, that's literally everything anyone knows about this state.
41. Connecticut: just big enough to hate slightly more than Rhode Island.
40. Rhode Island: too small to love or hate.
39. Idaho: Boise is a pretty cool place and not nearly as cold as one would expect in the winter. Tons of natural beauty to boot in the many National Parks and forests.
38. Vermont: Maple Syrup, fall foliage, mountains, and...wait, where's the people?
37. New Hampshire: Vermont with a beach.
36. Arkansas: What a strange state. Is it southern or western? The Northwest resembles silicon valley, the southeast looks like Mississippi, the North looks like Missouri, ect. Hot Springs is cool, NWA is rapidly becoming a hot spot, and even Little Rock has it's charm. This state may be underrated, but I think mid 30s is about right.
35. Minnesota: home of the Twin Cities and a population with a sense of humor great enough to elect Al Frankin Senator. The summers here on their 1000 lakes are a thing of beauty, but f*%k winter in that annual wasteland.
34. Wyoming: Whole lot of nothing, but some seriously awesome National Parks.
33. Oklahoma: besides the droughts, floods, tornados, and flat nothing, OK City is rapidly becoming a pretty cool place to be. Bricktown, OU, and T. Boone Pickens make this state inhabitable.
32. New Mexico: if you don't love verde chile, then don't even bother coming. They're also home to Santa Fe, the oldest capital city in North America.
31. Wisconsin: Annoying accents and winter aside, this place has its priorities in order, and they go: Cheese, beer, football, baseball, everything else. Home to some great people, breweries, dairy, the Packers, and everything else. Winter keeps this state out of the top 20, but it could probably stand to be higher, don'tchaknow.
30. Kentucky: Great people, great scenery, the Kentucky Derby, UK, Louisville Slugger, and the National Corvette Museum. This state is probably under-ranked, but despite all of these things, I managed to have a really, really bad time here.
29. Massachusetts: home of Boston, the start of the Revolution, Cape Cod, and the Red Sox. A whole lot of crazy in one small state.
28. Nevada: Vegas, baby! Then what?
27. Illinois: the opposite of Georgia. The rest of the state (plus Winter) drags Chicago down. Really cool city with great people, way better than LA transplants or New Yorkers. The rest of the state is just corn...f&%king corn.
26. Georgia: Atlanta and bro country, drag this state down, bad. The rest of the state, especially Savannah are pretty cool. Athens is probably the best college town in America.
This post was edited on 7/1/15 at 11:27 am
8
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:22 am to brodeo
25. Pennsylvania: I really like Pittsburgh, the rest of the state, not so much
24. Missouri: stole KC from Kansas, has every pro sports franchise imaginable. They also seem to have a complete lack of Hipsters or anything resembling downtown revitalization movement we've seen in every other city over the past decade in St. Louis. Literally, the town looks frozen in time from about 2002. Missouri is also home to lots of great scenery.
23. Maryland: A few years ago, this state would have ranked higher, but Baltimore, long buoying its rankings is now dragging it out of the top 20. Get your shite together people! You have crabcakes, football, and Camdon Yards. You should be better than this!
22. Virginia: a history buff's wet dream. Tons of historical sights everywhere. They also have picturesque mountains, beaches, and everything in between. North of Richmond is pretty much DC, but it's still a really unique state...ish.
21. West Virginia: simply some of the most beautiful wilderness I have ever traversed. Massive green mountains and forests and rolling hills. The people leave much to be desired, but if you don't want to, you can ignore them and just take in what nature built here.
20. Montana: like West Virginia but more remote, fewer incinerated couches, and geographic diversity.
19. Arizona: is anyone else hot. It seems pretty hot. Is anyone else's shoes melting? Thank god their football stadium is indoors. There really is plenty to do in this state from Scottsdale to the Grand Canyon.
18. Utah: everyone is really nice, too nice, creepily nice. Did someone slip something into my drink? Was I not supposed to eat the saltwater taffy? AHHHHH!!!! Also nice mountains.
17. Mississippi: people shite on Mississippi all the time, and it often deserves that reputation, but there are many redeeming qualities to this state. The gulf coast is beautiful, the hunting and fishing is game, the people are kind, and Oxford is absolutely charming. It's probably over-ranked on here, but I actually like this state.
16. Alabama: similar to Mississippi except Birmingham>>>Jackson, and one trades Oxford for Huntsville, home to NASA. Also, they have the other half of the Flora-Bama.
15. Maine: this is the place that screensavers were made for
14. South Carolina: Charleston rocks, college football rocks, BBQ rocks.
13. Alaska: The opposite of Hawaii except in isolation. Beautiful, wild, pristine. If you want wide open spaces, there are none more wide or open than Alaska.
12. Hawaii: paradise on earth. It's complete lack of road infrastructure, high cost of living, threat of volcanic death, sheer remoteness, and population distrustful of outsiders keeps it out of the top 10.
11. New York: NYC is incredible, a marvel of man, Niagara is a marvel of nature, but New Yorkers, the Yankees, and winter hold this state back.
10. Michigan: UP is gorgeous, the lakes are great, summers are perfection, but Detroit and Winter keep it out of the top 5.
9. Florida: Sure, it's weird, soul less, and riddled with sink holes and tourist trap beach shops, but it's also home to NASA, Little Havana, Disney World, Islands of Adventure, countless bowl games, endless beaches, Jimmy Buffet, and half of the Flora-Bama.
8. Texas: another soul less hub of capitalism that suddenly has a ton going for it as far as quality of life. They have beaches, the best jobs market in the country, BBQ, Austin, outlaw country, wine country, hill country, Mexican country, San Antonio, and TCU girls.
7. Oregon: truly beautiful place filled with beautiful women, craft breweries, beavers, and weird white people. This place is white, I mean, blacks weren't even allowed to live here until the 1930s. Still, a fun state filled with natural riches, just don't try to go East of Bend. There's nothing to the East. The world ends, it's weird, trust me. Don't go there.
6. Washington: very similar to Oregon, but trade Seattle for Portland plus grunge and legal weed.
5. Colorado: Rugged beauty, professional sports franchises, micro and macro brews, film festivals, skiing, and legal mary jane.
4. North Carolina: East coast sneaking in. NC actually has everything from beaches to mountains to hippies to NASCAR to BBQ to the NFL, ect. North Carolina is literally America in miniature.
3. Tennessee: Just a fun state with a little of everything. Nashville, pro hockey, NFL, NBA, big time college hoops and football, Dollywood, ect. There's a ton to do and the people are friendly. Oh, and BBQ, lots of BBQ.
2. California: This state has everything. It's expensive for a reason. Beaches, mountains, Ron Bergundy, Hollywood, Silicon Valley, San Fran, Big Foot, ect. Hopefully, the drought will end soon. Their politics are crazy, but there is literally something for everyone in this state.
1. Louisiana: There may be a bias inherent in the system...
24. Missouri: stole KC from Kansas, has every pro sports franchise imaginable. They also seem to have a complete lack of Hipsters or anything resembling downtown revitalization movement we've seen in every other city over the past decade in St. Louis. Literally, the town looks frozen in time from about 2002. Missouri is also home to lots of great scenery.
23. Maryland: A few years ago, this state would have ranked higher, but Baltimore, long buoying its rankings is now dragging it out of the top 20. Get your shite together people! You have crabcakes, football, and Camdon Yards. You should be better than this!
22. Virginia: a history buff's wet dream. Tons of historical sights everywhere. They also have picturesque mountains, beaches, and everything in between. North of Richmond is pretty much DC, but it's still a really unique state...ish.
21. West Virginia: simply some of the most beautiful wilderness I have ever traversed. Massive green mountains and forests and rolling hills. The people leave much to be desired, but if you don't want to, you can ignore them and just take in what nature built here.
20. Montana: like West Virginia but more remote, fewer incinerated couches, and geographic diversity.
19. Arizona: is anyone else hot. It seems pretty hot. Is anyone else's shoes melting? Thank god their football stadium is indoors. There really is plenty to do in this state from Scottsdale to the Grand Canyon.
18. Utah: everyone is really nice, too nice, creepily nice. Did someone slip something into my drink? Was I not supposed to eat the saltwater taffy? AHHHHH!!!! Also nice mountains.
17. Mississippi: people shite on Mississippi all the time, and it often deserves that reputation, but there are many redeeming qualities to this state. The gulf coast is beautiful, the hunting and fishing is game, the people are kind, and Oxford is absolutely charming. It's probably over-ranked on here, but I actually like this state.
16. Alabama: similar to Mississippi except Birmingham>>>Jackson, and one trades Oxford for Huntsville, home to NASA. Also, they have the other half of the Flora-Bama.
15. Maine: this is the place that screensavers were made for
14. South Carolina: Charleston rocks, college football rocks, BBQ rocks.
13. Alaska: The opposite of Hawaii except in isolation. Beautiful, wild, pristine. If you want wide open spaces, there are none more wide or open than Alaska.
12. Hawaii: paradise on earth. It's complete lack of road infrastructure, high cost of living, threat of volcanic death, sheer remoteness, and population distrustful of outsiders keeps it out of the top 10.
11. New York: NYC is incredible, a marvel of man, Niagara is a marvel of nature, but New Yorkers, the Yankees, and winter hold this state back.
10. Michigan: UP is gorgeous, the lakes are great, summers are perfection, but Detroit and Winter keep it out of the top 5.
9. Florida: Sure, it's weird, soul less, and riddled with sink holes and tourist trap beach shops, but it's also home to NASA, Little Havana, Disney World, Islands of Adventure, countless bowl games, endless beaches, Jimmy Buffet, and half of the Flora-Bama.
8. Texas: another soul less hub of capitalism that suddenly has a ton going for it as far as quality of life. They have beaches, the best jobs market in the country, BBQ, Austin, outlaw country, wine country, hill country, Mexican country, San Antonio, and TCU girls.
7. Oregon: truly beautiful place filled with beautiful women, craft breweries, beavers, and weird white people. This place is white, I mean, blacks weren't even allowed to live here until the 1930s. Still, a fun state filled with natural riches, just don't try to go East of Bend. There's nothing to the East. The world ends, it's weird, trust me. Don't go there.
6. Washington: very similar to Oregon, but trade Seattle for Portland plus grunge and legal weed.
5. Colorado: Rugged beauty, professional sports franchises, micro and macro brews, film festivals, skiing, and legal mary jane.
4. North Carolina: East coast sneaking in. NC actually has everything from beaches to mountains to hippies to NASCAR to BBQ to the NFL, ect. North Carolina is literally America in miniature.
3. Tennessee: Just a fun state with a little of everything. Nashville, pro hockey, NFL, NBA, big time college hoops and football, Dollywood, ect. There's a ton to do and the people are friendly. Oh, and BBQ, lots of BBQ.
2. California: This state has everything. It's expensive for a reason. Beaches, mountains, Ron Bergundy, Hollywood, Silicon Valley, San Fran, Big Foot, ect. Hopefully, the drought will end soon. Their politics are crazy, but there is literally something for everyone in this state.
1. Louisiana: There may be a bias inherent in the system...
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:24 am to brodeo
Thanks, I guess.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:24 am to brodeo
1 sucks. Come at me bro.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:25 am to brodeo
quote:
Georgia: Atlanta and bro country, drag this state down, bad. The rest of the state, especially Savannah are pretty cool. Athens is probably the best college town in America.
Agree about Savannah and Athens, but you've not been to "the rest of the state" if you are saying this. Most of Georgia between Atlanta and Savannah is the pits.
quote:
2. California: This state has everything.
Drought, mudslides, wildfires, earthquakes....
This post was edited on 7/1/15 at 11:29 am
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:26 am to Tigertown in ATL
I put this in my "who gives a shite" file.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:26 am to brodeo
quote:
43. Nebraska: Omaha keeps you out of the bottom 10. Be thankful.
Um...
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:26 am to brodeo
I would put Louisiana at about 40, and I was born and raised there and actually love the state.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:27 am to BigPerm30
quote:
I put this in my "who gives a shite" file.
Apparently you, because you clicked on this thread and even commented on it.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:27 am to ellunchboxo
quote:
Um...
Obama don't lie, son.
This post was edited on 7/1/15 at 11:28 am
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:28 am to brodeo
Bookmarked so i can unbookmark something later
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:30 am to brodeo
Have you been through much of central PA? It's pretty awesome as you approach State College area and over toward the Delaware river.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:31 am to brodeo
not that this really deserves commentary but Kansas City was a city in Missouri before Kansas was even a state. The state of kansas named itself after kansas city.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:33 am to AubieALUMdvm
List is OK but would be better if Kansas was #83 because it sucks worse than you indicated
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:34 am to notsince98
quote:
not that this really deserves commentary but Kansas City was a city in Missouri before Kansas was even a state. The state of kansas named itself after kansas city.
Really, dude... It was a joke, let it go.
BTW, I'd like to thank your state for The Shaved Duck in St. Louis. It's a great feeling being able to get top-notch BBQ and live music at 10:00pm in the middle of the week.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:42 am to brodeo
They forgot to rank the German states
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:44 am to iAmBatman
DC, Puerto Rico, Guam, Deseret, Jefferson, The Virgin Islands, and Franklin?
This post was edited on 7/1/15 at 11:45 am
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:49 am to brodeo
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:49 am to brodeo
quote:
38. Vermont: Maple Syrup, fall foliage, mountains, and...wait, where's the people?
Vermont is at 39 because the population is just over 625,000?
It is an absolutely gorgeous state and you'd be hard-pressed to find any outside of Washington, Oregon, and Colorado that matches its beauty. On top of the Green Mountains, fall foliage, and the incredible location of the state's largest city, Vermont is very well-known for its quality of craft beers.
quote:
31. Wisconsin: don'tchaknow.
This is a Minnesota phrase, not a Wisconsin.
Posted on 7/1/15 at 11:50 am to iAmBatman
No, shite. So has "Who's your OT 10?", "Has anyone ever had sex with a grapefruit?", and "WOWYHI?" threads, but we still do them.
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