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Started By
Message
re: Proposal etiquette when SO isn't close with father
Posted on 7/24/16 at 8:58 am to dualed
Posted on 7/24/16 at 8:58 am to dualed
I'll tell you what I did
my wife's relationship with her father is off/on
he was a terrible parent and was not in her life growing up
she had moved back to nola when I met her which is where he lives
I told him we were getting married (not asked) and invited him to do his fatherly duty and provide his daughter with her wedding. He accepted and that was that. Had he declined it would have been fine by me
this was ten years ago and we are cordial and friendly but I would never forgive any man for abandoning a daughter. It is man code 101...
my wife's relationship with her father is off/on
he was a terrible parent and was not in her life growing up
she had moved back to nola when I met her which is where he lives
I told him we were getting married (not asked) and invited him to do his fatherly duty and provide his daughter with her wedding. He accepted and that was that. Had he declined it would have been fine by me
this was ten years ago and we are cordial and friendly but I would never forgive any man for abandoning a daughter. It is man code 101...
This post was edited on 7/24/16 at 9:05 am
0
Posted on 7/24/16 at 8:59 am to dualed
My step daughter has the same type of relationship with her real dad. When she got married her husband asked me. Her real dad was pissed when he found out She told him , you were never there for me he was... And that's why she told him to ask me for her hand
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:18 am to dualed
Sounds like your SO's mom is the one pushing the hate agenda. I get that the cheating was terrible, but after 10 years there should definitely be some healing.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:19 am to dualed
Don't ask him. He doesn't own her. If you want to let him know your intentions man to man, call and tell him and let him voice his opinions about it.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:19 am to dualed
quote:
mean I wouldn't go as far as to say he wouldn't give a shite. He'll definitely be there and be a part of it. I've seen them interact in person and can tell he loves his kids dearly, he's just not the best role model I guess you could say
Because he cheated or because of other things you're not saying?
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:21 am to Balloon Huffer
quote:
It's her father --- like him or not. He is the father.
He does not get the rewards of being a father if he has not accepted any of the responsibility. He is a bum.
quote:
Ask him for his permission. Its really a no lose situation
I would do this anyway. If he says no, he needed a few knots on his head anyway, for the way he has treated your future wife. Use this as an opportunity to let him know that you are aware of what a bum he has been and that his opinion means jack squat. That is for his future opinions as well.
quote:
Our world is falling apart. This is one of the few traditions we need to hold on to.
This tradition is earned, not given. Her father was not there to earn anything and sees his kids as ATM's. Screw him and his welfare persona.
quote:
If you ever have any daughters --- you will understand.
I have one that is on the verge of growing into an awesome adult. She is a great kid. My wife and I have been there and molded her. We have put in the time to earn the courtesies.
OP, how long has the stepfather been in her life?
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:21 am to tiger91
Her stepdad, or even brother, uncle, or grandfather. Either one will do.
If the relationship isnt there with her actual dad. Why try to force things all in the name of tradition.
If the relationship isnt there with her actual dad. Why try to force things all in the name of tradition.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:22 am to Brosef Stalin
quote:
Its 2016, you don't need anyone's permission to get married
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:23 am to dualed
Do it for you, not for her.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:28 am to QJenk
quote:
Her stepdad, or even brother, uncle, or grandfather. Either one will do.
If the relationship isnt there with her actual dad. Why try to force things all in the name of tradition
I agree, but it would depend on why that relationship is bad.
I would find out why it's bad other than him cheating. There could be some crazy going on with the mom out of spite.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:30 am to dualed
In a somewhat similar situation, I asked my wife's grandfather. He is a great man. Her father is just not a good parent. Worked out great, we are both really close with her grandparents. Since I asked his permission, he's always made me feel like one of his own.
I did not mention a word to her mother and I think that was a good idea bc she probably would have spilled the beans. And she was mad that I didn't ask her permission. IDGAF. My wife loved the way I did it.
I did not mention a word to her mother and I think that was a good idea bc she probably would have spilled the beans. And she was mad that I didn't ask her permission. IDGAF. My wife loved the way I did it.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:39 am to dualed
Make a move on the mom and if she lets you screw her, then do not marry this girl.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:42 am to dualed
I would ask her mom. We had the same situation. Thats what I did.
Wife wouldnt let him give her away either. He came to the wedding but she walked down the aisle alone.
Wife wouldnt let him give her away either. He came to the wedding but she walked down the aisle alone.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:44 am to dualed
Why ask anyone? Is she someone else's property and needs permission before she can move forward?
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:45 am to Whoopdedo_LSU
quote:Gotta love traditions like this.
Gotta ask him. Although his approval or disapproval doesn't mean shite
His answer is irrelevant, thus there's no point in asking him.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:46 am to dualed
I am an old guy by OT standards and I sure don't understand the "asking permission" ritual. You are marrying an adult and this is the first decision yo make as a permanent couple. I also didn't "pop the question." We had several conversations about marriage and looked for rings together. We then told her parents.
I highly recommend the join ring shopping step. Let your wife-to-be pick out a few settings and stones and you make the final choice. That way, she will get something she really likes and there is still some element of surprise. Still make a special event out of the "formal proposal" take her to a location, restaurant, etc. that will always remain "your place."
I highly recommend the join ring shopping step. Let your wife-to-be pick out a few settings and stones and you make the final choice. That way, she will get something she really likes and there is still some element of surprise. Still make a special event out of the "formal proposal" take her to a location, restaurant, etc. that will always remain "your place."
Posted on 7/24/16 at 9:49 am to dualed
I didn't ask anyone when I asked my wife... 
Posted on 7/24/16 at 10:39 am to dualed
quote:
I get along great with her mom and step dad and though she may hate to refer to him as her step dad, he's a great guy and does a lot for her.
what does she call the step dad then? If he is a father figure to her and she is close to her mother then ask them.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 10:47 am to Warfarer
Get the damn ring today. If she is the one put her on lock, today.
I am 59 years old. Most guys let one get away and regret it for the rest of their lives. They are usually ready before us. Don't tarry.
Picking the right partner is the main factor in YOUR future happiness. I out kicked my coverage. He generosity of women is amazing. The main thing that screws it up is guys waiting too long.
I am 59 years old. Most guys let one get away and regret it for the rest of their lives. They are usually ready before us. Don't tarry.
Picking the right partner is the main factor in YOUR future happiness. I out kicked my coverage. He generosity of women is amazing. The main thing that screws it up is guys waiting too long.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 10:54 am to zeebo
If my son in law had asked me I'd have asked him if he'd asked her yet.
If the answer was no, I'd have said no, cause you asked the wrong person first.
He just knows I'll happily gut him like a fish if he mistreats her. So we get along just fine.
If the answer was no, I'd have said no, cause you asked the wrong person first.
He just knows I'll happily gut him like a fish if he mistreats her. So we get along just fine.
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