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Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:16 pm to KG6
quote:
We didn't even tell family until 12 weeks. I know people who had miscarriages telling people like the day they found out.
After seeing what my friend has gone through....I would wait to make it official on social media until I'm 12 weeks. However, I would likely tell our immediate family right away, just because they know we are trying and ask us about it anytime we see them now. And my coworkers would likely find out sooner than later, depending on how sick I was to get with morning sickness.
As for my friend, I don't even think she is gonna keep trying now. She is my age and our window of opportunity is shrinking fast. She is still very emotionally scarred from the miscarriages and I don't think she could handle a third one. I can certainly understand that....I don't know how I would handle one myself.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:16 pm to Yellerhammer5
quote:
People used to be smart enough to not announce pregnancies until further along.
We were totally committed to the 3 month rule. We didn't even tell our parents until we passed 3 months.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:17 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:20 pm to ell_13
quote:when a fat gut chick walked down the aisle
there wasn't always a facebook. I wonder how people found out about pregnancies back then
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:20 pm to kywildcatfanone
quote:
I think when he tells you, you just offer condolences and comfort.
No reason to feel bad about your own pregnancy, but I would be subdued around this couple when it comes to baby conversations.
Exactly. Though I have to say, this advice seems like it should be just basic common sense.
As far as the Facebook issue is concerned, I will never understand why people put such sensitive and personal information out there for everyone to see. Clearly if they are doing so they are seeking attention.
As for the OP, don't post anything on Facebook. Just be a friend and offer heartfelt condolences. Otherwise, enjoy the pending new addition to your family. Don't be an inconsiderate arse to your friend. But also don't sacrifice your family's happiness because you are worried about hurting someone else's feelings.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:21 pm to USAF Hart
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:23 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:22 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
How can I help him and his wife in this troubling time? Flowers, Candy, Card? I've never experienced a miscarriage this close to someone I know. Also, how can I help myself and my wife not feel guilty about our pregnancy but still be mindful of our close friends?
Just donate one of your little crumb crunchers to them. Problem solved.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:32 pm to lsunurse
My wife and I are waiting until Halloween to announce ours. I am going to take a picture of the piss stick and post the tag: Trick or Treat?
Then in the spirit of football, we will do a little photoshoot of the announcement. We just had our ultrasound appointment this morning. The wife is due May 23rd, and the baby had a heart rate of 166.
Given that we are 8 weeks now, our friends are at roughly 9 weeks. I've told my friend that if he or his wife needed anyone to talk to, that they could come to us. I know from a military standpoint there are agencies out there that they can seek counseling from, and I will make that information readily available when/if the time comes. They do have an almost two year old already, so this will/would have been their 2nd child. What is the probability that one miscarriage could result in future miscarriages?
Then in the spirit of football, we will do a little photoshoot of the announcement. We just had our ultrasound appointment this morning. The wife is due May 23rd, and the baby had a heart rate of 166.
Given that we are 8 weeks now, our friends are at roughly 9 weeks. I've told my friend that if he or his wife needed anyone to talk to, that they could come to us. I know from a military standpoint there are agencies out there that they can seek counseling from, and I will make that information readily available when/if the time comes. They do have an almost two year old already, so this will/would have been their 2nd child. What is the probability that one miscarriage could result in future miscarriages?
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:43 pm to USAF Hart
I think you should just offer to come over one night and get his wife pregnant for him. Y'all should get together and grill steaks and watch football and during the evening, Maybe halftime, you just take her in the back and beat it up and then come back and watch the game.
But…I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just look at it like borrowing a saw or weedeater or something.
But…I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just look at it like borrowing a saw or weedeater or something.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:44 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:45 pm to lsunurse
quote:
So all you can do, is just be a friend at this point. No need for flowers, etc imo, just your friendship and support.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:46 pm to tigerman03
quote:
First, wait for confirmation.
Secondly, be respectful in front of them, but you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed.
This. and OP needs to tell his wife the other lady knows his wife is pregnant and does not want to be treated with kids gloves, yet, needs emotional support. So, just do things like make dinner for them and let them know you are there.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:51 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
What is the probability that one miscarriage could result in future miscarriages?
Really hard to say since many times you don't even know the exact reason why you miscarried. Honestly the only way you can look at it without driving yourself insane with guilt over it is that for whatever reason....the pregnancy was just not meant to go to term. Many times a miscarriage is just our body's way of knowing that something was just not right with the pregnancy. And that every couple will deal with it in their own way, as it is just as much a loss as if they had lost a child that was already born.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:35 pm to USAF Hart
I've been that guy before, while I cant speak for him I can tell you about our experience. My wife was pregnant with our #3 and some friends of ours were pregnant with their #3 as well. We both have two other boys of the same ages. We unfortunatly lost ours and they carried to term and now have their 3rd son. We never resented them, though my wife blamed herself. Nothing was held against them, but we did try to avoid reading their posts on facebook. This happened almost 3 years ago and it still hurts like yesterday sometimes. I would never want to detract from your happines of having a child, even though we weren't as fortunate. My advice would be to keep them in mind, but dont let them make you want to hide your joy.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:39 pm to USAF Hart
The other couple will understand as long as you don't post this one Facwebook:
"WE'RE EXPECTING!!!!!! And lolz at the Phillips who baby took a dirt nap"
Seriously, they will understand.
"WE'RE EXPECTING!!!!!! And lolz at the Phillips who baby took a dirt nap"
Seriously, they will understand.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:39 pm to USAF Hart
A miscarriage in the early weeks usually means somethings was wrong the child an nature had to step in. In the middle of the second trimester IMO is a child lost. They will be able to recover in time just don't harp on it in their presence.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 3:41 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:44 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
we've already called our immediate family (both sets of parents), and immediate local friends. However, I have family that is overseas that I don't talk to on the phone that I am sure would love to know the news. So, while I understand your snide remark, I am still searching for some other logical advice.
If yall are close and worried about the other family, isn't it worth it to skip the facebook announcement and communicate another way?
I wouldn't call you an a-hole or anything if you didn't do that, but given the predicament not posting it on social media seems like a pretty easy and low-downside choice to make.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:52 pm to Pettifogger
We are sorry.
We are here if you need us.
That's all you can say or do.
Give them space after. They will come to you when ready if they were good friends. Friends don't begrudge others joy. They may want to lay low from your happiness for a while. But they'll get over that like they will get over the entire event.
We are here if you need us.
That's all you can say or do.
Give them space after. They will come to you when ready if they were good friends. Friends don't begrudge others joy. They may want to lay low from your happiness for a while. But they'll get over that like they will get over the entire event.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 3:55 pm to USAF Hart
Sorry to hear that....
Now to use some NCO knowledge and concentrate on the AF 4 pillars of wellness, and what you've learned through all your resiliency training....you know what to do
Now to use some NCO knowledge and concentrate on the AF 4 pillars of wellness, and what you've learned through all your resiliency training....you know what to do
Posted on 10/13/15 at 4:11 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
How can I help him and his wife in this troubling time? Flowers, Candy, Card? I've never experienced a miscarriage this close to someone I know. Also, how can I help myself and my wife not feel guilty about our pregnancy but still be mindful of our close friends?
My wife miscarried last year, a week after her best friend announced on Facebook. Their due dates were a week apart from each other.
Honestly, I would be lying to you if I said my wife wasn't angry and jealous of her friend. She was mad at the world, and everyone around her. I can easily see how women commit suicide over this sort of thing. Wife went through all the classic steps of grieving- depression, despair, anger, loneliness etc.
With all that said, it also seems like everyone reacts differently to miscarriages. I would reach out and just try to talk to them. Don't assume (or say) you know how they feel. Just ask how are they doing today. Ask if they want company. Try and get the guy out for a beer and feel out how his wife (and he) is doing. I know that worked for us. Good luck.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 4:15 pm to lsunurse
quote:
ny times a miscarriage is just our body's way of knowing that something was just not right with the pregnancy.
This.
We found out he/she (we didn't check the sex) had a terrible trisomy that would have made his life extremely short, painful and cruel if born. I wouldn't have wanted that for anyone.
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