re: Living together before marriage

I gave props where props was due for posting.

rack, yes

This is the OT. If you want acceptance, go to church. Or post about a cute nutria rat living in your sisters drawer. Otherwise, GTFO

I've lived with my fiance for a little over five years now. We've moved to two cities and been through a good bit together. Hell, we even bought a house together before I put a ring on her finger. Outside of children, there isn't much we haven't experienced on the home front. Marriage was never really something we worried about too much as we were less than 30 years old and still finding our path in life. We are getting married in two months as things have finally settled down enough for us to move forward in to the next phase of life.

It's pretty trashy to post pictures like that of your s/o. I wouldn't worry about living together.

I'm a little late to the thread, but I've been living with my S.O. for so long that we'll be commonlaw married in May. To say that I'm a bit of an expert on this would be an understatement. The situation is hard to truly assess without knowing who's house it is to begin with, the monetary situation between you both, your relationship, and her personality. I'll also add that you may THINK you know her well enough to gauge the outcome, but you don't truly know someone until you've lived with them (even if they do stay the night almost every night).

- Pros -
-Splitting the bills / condensing the amounts you both pay
-Splitting the responsibilities (upkeep, cleaning, cooking dinner, groceries, etc.)
-Always having your SO to sleep with and hang out with when bored
-Help with child/children
-Less driving to see eachother / possible less driving to & from work
-Less furniture purchases

- Cons -
-WAY less personal freedom & personal space
-Several lifestyle changes (how late you stay up, sleep, you like to watch tv while eating dinner, she takes hour long showers and spends too long in the mirror, etc)
-Any money issues now affect you both instead of just one of you
-Double the use of all consumables, from toothpaste to shampoo and toilet paper
-Sharing the TV / other devices
-Nowhere to go in the event of an argument or space needed
-Sharing your / her bed and adapting to eachother's sleep patterns
-Another person to clean up after (double the dishes used, double the trash, etc)
-Less space for your belongings / less closet room / less garage or driveway space
-Several more cons that may seem petty from the outside but start to chip away more and more after experiencing them every day for years

As you can see there's several more cons than there are pros, but if it's the right woman and combo between the two of you then you'll never want to go back to living alone. The biggie for me is the lack of personal space and freedom to do whatever you want, as I've always been a bit of a loner. You may think that your relationship is great right now and that you won't have to basically ask permission to do what you want, but you're 100% WRONG.

I did it and I'm still happy married three years later. Our main reason for doing it was economical though. We had been friends for a long time before we got together, and when we did get together we always stayed with each other, either at her place or mine. Just seemed stupid when it came time to renew leases to pay for two places when we stayed with each other every night (we were both seniors in college and working to pay our rent). Saved us a bunch of money, took our last spring break trip together (and alone) and never looked back.

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- Cons -
-WAY less personal freedom & personal space
-Several lifestyle changes (how late you stay up, sleep, you like to watch tv while eating dinner, she takes hour long showers and spends too long in the mirror, etc)
-Any money issues now affect you both instead of just one of you
-Double the use of all consumables, from toothpaste to shampoo and toilet paper
-Sharing the TV / other devices
-Nowhere to go in the event of an argument or space needed
-Sharing your / her bed and adapting to eachother's sleep patterns
-Another person to clean up after (double the dishes used, double the trash, etc)
-Less space for your belongings / less closet room / less garage or driveway space
-Several more cons that may seem petty from the outside but start to chip away more and more after experiencing them every day for years

As you can see there's several more cons than there are pros, but if it's the right woman and combo between the two of you then you'll never want to go back to living alone. The biggie for me is the lack of personal space and freedom to do whatever you want, as I've always been a bit of a loner. You may think that your relationship is great right now and that you won't have to basically ask permission to do what you want, but you're 100% WRONG.

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Solid post.

We've lived together for over a year now so a lot of these things have already been worked out. But you're on the money with the stuff I highlighted, save for the last sentence.

Neither of us feels the need to ask for permission to do anything. We give each other a heads up but I'm never going to try to control her and the inverse also applies.

Cleaning up after each other sucks but we're both pretty orderly, although she has clothes thrown all over the place from time to time.

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is if you live in a high cost of living area (SF, NYC, DC, etc)

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Someone in NYC was just telling me recently that it is common for couples to move in early on purely because of how difficult it is to afford rent alone and how much it sucks to visit each other if you both life in small spaces with roommates.

I stated why it was a bad idea in a post I made a few weeks ago and got heavily downvoted

tbh isn't everything you post heavily downvoted?