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Started By
Message
Joke Thread: Bring your best!
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:35 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:35 am
Where do rainbows go when they are bad?
Prizm, it is a light sentence.
Prizm, it is a light sentence.
26
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:36 am to LSU Coyote
Your autism isn't light
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:40 am to LSU Coyote
How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen???
4 in the seats
10million in the ashtray
4 in the seats
10million in the ashtray
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:40 am to LSU Coyote
you're an idiot
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:40 am to LSU Coyote
Gentleman goes into a bar and sits down. Pulls out a small piano and puts it on the bar. He then pulls out a small pianist and he begins to play.
Guy next to him, says "wow, where did you get that guy?"
Gentleman says "I found a Genie in the alley and he granted me one wish."
Guy goes out in the alley to find the Genie. Genie pops up and says "I'll grant you one wish."
Guys say "I want a million bucks".
Genie says "ok" and disappears. Then a duck pops up, and another, and another. The alley fills with a million ducks.
Guy goes back into the bar and tells the Gentleman "That Genie was bullshite. I asked for a million bucks and got a million ducks".
Gentleman says "What, you think think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?"
Guy next to him, says "wow, where did you get that guy?"
Gentleman says "I found a Genie in the alley and he granted me one wish."
Guy goes out in the alley to find the Genie. Genie pops up and says "I'll grant you one wish."
Guys say "I want a million bucks".
Genie says "ok" and disappears. Then a duck pops up, and another, and another. The alley fills with a million ducks.
Guy goes back into the bar and tells the Gentleman "That Genie was bullshite. I asked for a million bucks and got a million ducks".
Gentleman says "What, you think think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?"
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 9:51 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:41 am to PaulBurbank007
When the US was trying to figure out how to efficiently handle Covid deaths,
Germany:
Germany:
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:43 am to LSU Coyote
What do you call a North Korean with more than two dogs?
A rancher.
A rancher.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:44 am to LSU Coyote
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
For those who are not aware, vans are a shoe brand.
What up Yote?
White vans.
For those who are not aware, vans are a shoe brand.
What up Yote?
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:44 am to LSU Coyote
So a teenage boy goes into a confessional and says “Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
From the other side of the partition, the voice of the priest comes back, “Is that you young Pat MacNamara?”
“Yes father.”
“And who was this girl you committed this sin with?”
“I cannot say father, I don’t want to sully her reputation.”
The priest asks “Was it Mary O’Reilly?”
“I cannot say father.”
“Was it Betsy Moignahan?”
“I won’t tell.”
“Was it Bridget McDowell?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Agnes O’Toole?”
“I will not say.”
“Kathy MacDougal?”
“I am sorry Father, but I refuse to speak her name.”
“Well son, it is admirable that you won’t say it, but I’m afraid you cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Go and sin no more.”
He leaves the confession and his buddy in the pew asks him “so what did you get?”
He says,
“4 months off and 5 good leads.”
From the other side of the partition, the voice of the priest comes back, “Is that you young Pat MacNamara?”
“Yes father.”
“And who was this girl you committed this sin with?”
“I cannot say father, I don’t want to sully her reputation.”
The priest asks “Was it Mary O’Reilly?”
“I cannot say father.”
“Was it Betsy Moignahan?”
“I won’t tell.”
“Was it Bridget McDowell?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Agnes O’Toole?”
“I will not say.”
“Kathy MacDougal?”
“I am sorry Father, but I refuse to speak her name.”
“Well son, it is admirable that you won’t say it, but I’m afraid you cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Go and sin no more.”
He leaves the confession and his buddy in the pew asks him “so what did you get?”
He says,
“4 months off and 5 good leads.”
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:46 am to LSU Coyote
What do you call a guy who is really loud?
Mike (as in Mic)...
Mike (as in Mic)...
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:47 am to OweO
Never explain the punchline of your joke. You lose respect that way.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:48 am to OweO
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 9:49 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:48 am to upgrade
quote:
You lose respect that way.
That's the point. You think I don't know how to tell a joke?
There was a plane crash and every single person died. Who survived?
Married couples.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:49 am to OweO
quote:
You think I don't know how to tell a joke?
Apparently not a good one
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:50 am to PaulBurbank007
quote:
How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen??? 4 in the seats 10million in the ashtray
I am ashamed to admit that I laughed out loud to this and gave you an up vote
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:50 am to OweO
quote:
You think I don't know how to tell a joke?
ETA: Chris, you are about as funny as a leukemia ward for orphaned puppies
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 9:52 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:51 am to LSU Coyote
How is broccoli like anal sex?
If you are forced to have it as a kid, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.
If you are forced to have it as a kid, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:52 am to LSU Coyote
So, this dyslexic walks into a bra...
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:54 am to LSU Coyote
In a company meeting recently the person speaking quoted that famous quote about surrounding yourself as a leader with intelligent people. “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”
I stood up after that during the meeting, looked around, and said “shite I’m in the wrong room”
Some thought it was funny some didn’t
I stood up after that during the meeting, looked around, and said “shite I’m in the wrong room”
Some thought it was funny some didn’t
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:54 am to LSU Coyote
A man is shipwrecked on a remote island with only a dog and a goat. He builds a shelter, learns to fish and forage. Life becomes more stable as he learns to survive.
Time passes and he has become more sexually desperate. It occurs to him that he could frick the goat but is repulsed by the thought. Finally overwhelmed by lust he heads towards the goat with the intention of fricking it and the dog runs in front of him and beats him to the punch. He's frustrated and repulsed but can't bring himself to frick the goat after the dog.
Weeks pass and the same event repeats itself. Just as he's about to screw the goat the dog runs in front of him again. His frustration builds further.
Then a storm hits the island and another boat is blown onto the shore. He swims to the wreck and finds a half drowned but beautiful young woman.
"Are you okay?" He asks
"Thank God. Save me and I will do anything you desire." She replies
"Anything?" He queries
"Anything" She repeated
"Would you hold that dog for me?"
Time passes and he has become more sexually desperate. It occurs to him that he could frick the goat but is repulsed by the thought. Finally overwhelmed by lust he heads towards the goat with the intention of fricking it and the dog runs in front of him and beats him to the punch. He's frustrated and repulsed but can't bring himself to frick the goat after the dog.
Weeks pass and the same event repeats itself. Just as he's about to screw the goat the dog runs in front of him again. His frustration builds further.
Then a storm hits the island and another boat is blown onto the shore. He swims to the wreck and finds a half drowned but beautiful young woman.
"Are you okay?" He asks
"Thank God. Save me and I will do anything you desire." She replies
"Anything?" He queries
"Anything" She repeated
"Would you hold that dog for me?"
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