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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom

Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:31 pm to
Posted by asurob1
On the edge of the galaxy
Member since May 2009
26971 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:31 pm to
run
Posted by asurob1
On the edge of the galaxy
Member since May 2009
26971 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:33 pm to
Honestly, if the daughter doesnt deal with this shite now you are in for a bad time.

My first wife's parents were very involved with her after we got married.

There is a reason she is my "first wife".

Posted by vodkacop
Louisiana
Member since Nov 2008
7852 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:33 pm to
Damn some of just got parents who really don't give a shite about you. I'm 42 and still get the occasional "lecture" about i need to stop my drinking and smoking. Sure its tiresome but by no means do I hold it against them and think they are overbearing. Some of you are childish and just need to grow up. I know when my parents give me advice its because they love me and want to make sure I live a long prosperous life. Still drink and smoke though. I don't know what kind of cold and uncaring parents y'all have/had but I'm a better person in life because of those lectures/advice.


Posted by tduecen
Member since Nov 2006
161244 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:34 pm to
My girls mom hates me, mainly because I don't make enough according to the mom
Posted by vodkacop
Louisiana
Member since Nov 2008
7852 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:36 pm to
Oh if you plan on sticking with her and get married do not move into her house. Y'all buy a house far away and this eliminates drop ins. Never ever ever ever never get a house near your in laws, you are screwed for sure.
Posted by jg8623
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2010
13531 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:39 pm to
quote:

Damn some of just got parents who really don't give a shite about you. I'm 42 and still get the occasional "lecture" about i need to stop my drinking and smoking. Sure its tiresome but by no means do I hold it against them and think they are overbearing. Some of you are childish and just need to grow up. I know when my parents give me advice its because they love me and want to make sure I live a long prosperous life. Still drink and smoke though. I don't know what kind of cold and uncaring parents y'all have/had but I'm a better person in life because of those lectures/advice.


Giving parental advice is one thing. Telling your 28 year old daughter who can or can't sleep at her own house that she bought is a completely different matter

The people saying "she's just being a mom" need to re read the part that said she's 28 years old and has her own life

If at 28 she can't tell her mom to atleast call before stopping by her own house, which isn't a big deal at all, then you should think about running.... Fast.
This post was edited on 3/1/14 at 4:40 pm
Posted by Pettifogger
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Member since Feb 2012
79179 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:40 pm to
We're all reading different things into this.

I agree if the mom said "you can't have him spend the night" that is weird. If she said "you know how i feel about it, I'm old fashioned, etc." and the girl took it and decided she didn't want to let down mom, that's totally different.
Posted by lsuwontonwrap
Member since Aug 2012
34147 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:44 pm to
quote:

Oh if you plan on sticking with her and get married do not move into her house.


Oh that would NEVER happen.
Posted by jg8623
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2010
13531 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:46 pm to
Whichever one she said, the girl still followed thru on it as to not upset her mom. She's either scared of her or worried too much about making her mom happy instead of herself

I could be wrong, just going off my own experiences
Posted by LSURussian
Member since Feb 2005
126962 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:51 pm to
Everybody Loves Raymond
Posted by tduecen
Member since Nov 2006
161244 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:51 pm to
Screw the mom as long as dad likes you
Posted by ZZTIGERS
Member since Dec 2007
17074 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:59 pm to
Posted by tigers win2
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2009
3837 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:00 pm to
quote:

Just live with it. It's no big deal and she's jut being a mother. My mother was the same towards her daughters and my wife's mother was the same as well. Go sleep at your house. What's the problem?



Good answer. Better that mom cares in the long run. Just move further away if you marry her.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128969 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:02 pm to
So the whole "mom drops by unannounced all the time" doesn't strike you as strange?


Posted by S
RIP Wayde
Member since Jan 2007
155540 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:04 pm to
quote:

I have no issue with that, but is this a red flag that her mother has too much control over her? I


kinda went through something similar a couple years ago. we were both 26.

she is close w/ her mom and doesnt want to 'duaghter i am disappoint' her. just have to hope it gets to a point where she starts living to please herself and not so much her mom.

if it happens again you should definitely bring up how you guys ar ein your late 20s and independent and can basically do what the frick you want.
Posted by EmperorGout
I hate all of you.
Member since Feb 2008
11267 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:06 pm to
quote:

Damn some of just got parents who really don't give a shite about you. I'm 42 and still get the occasional "lecture" about i need to stop my drinking and smoking. Sure its tiresome but by no means do I hold it against them and think they are overbearing. Some of you are childish and just need to grow up. I know when my parents give me advice its because they love me and want to make sure I live a long prosperous life. Still drink and smoke though. I don't know what kind of cold and uncaring parents y'all have/had but I'm a better person in life because of those lectures/advice.



Yes, you're clearly a better person for sitting through harangues and being given advice you admit you don't follow. At some point I would hope that any parent respects their grown children enough to treat them as adults who can make their own decisions and live their own lives.

I don't need my parents offering me lifestyle pointers and if they attempted to do so it wouldn't go well.
Posted by EmperorGout
I hate all of you.
Member since Feb 2008
11267 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:08 pm to
quote:

So the whole "mom drops by unannounced all the time" doesn't strike you as strange?


the OT is evidently filled with man-children who are A-OK with being treated like overgrown doofuses who need constant redirection despite being in their 30's
Posted by jg8623
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2010
13531 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:11 pm to
Yea, I guess everyone else's parents don't love them as much
Posted by auyushu
Surprise, AZ
Member since Jan 2011
8594 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:17 pm to
quote:

So the whole "mom drops by unannounced all the time" doesn't strike you as strange?




Yeah, the rest of the situation is fairly normal. But he needs to talk with the GF about telling the parents to call before swinging by. That stuff is just uncalled for no matter how close you live to the child.

I have a good friend who had parents like that and he and his long time GF/now wife just dealt with it. It blew my mind to see it happen, and I remember talking with my mom about it and it blew her mind as well. That's just overbearing.

The lecture about having the guy spend the night is somewhat expected from old school parenting however, and I see no problems with that at all. The mom is just concerned with her daughter's well being there.
Posted by asurob1
On the edge of the galaxy
Member since May 2009
26971 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 5:19 pm to
quote:

Still drink and smoke though. I don't know what kind of cold and uncaring parents y'all have/had but I'm a better person in life because of those lectures/advice.


It's called being a grown up. My parents still give a shite about me, but lecture me about my life? As if. At some point you have to let go of the tit. You should try it.

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