re: Give me your best dad joke

Guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. Bartender says I’ll serve you but don’t try and start anything.

I have a lot of Elevator jokes I keep on hand. They work on a lot of levels.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five beers, please”

You’ll never starve in the desert because of all the sand which is there

Indoor fish tanks have a calming effect on your brain...because of all the indoor fins

Everytime I ask what LGBTQX stands for, I never get a straight answer

Did you know dogs can’t operate MRI machines? But cats can

Oh Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah he woke up eventually

Did you hear about the new poll that came out about the Dwarves? Turns out 6 out of 7 weren’t happy

Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France? Yeah, it was actually cooked in Greece

What did Yoda say when he first saw Star Wars in HD? HDMI

Did I tell you about the time I burned my Hawaiian pizza? I should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature

Do you know the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi? (both in United Arab Emirates) People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do

Do you know the actual definition of a will? Oh cmon it’s a dead giveaway

I asked my North Korean friend how it was living there. He said he couldn't complain...

One time my friend threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said what the Hellman

Did you know they banned the orchestra from Public TV? Had too much sax and violins

One of my friends was balding so he went to the dollar store and grabbed a wig. It was a small price toupee

Had to quit my construction job a few days ago. I put in my too weak notice

quote:

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What do you call a deer without eyes?

- no eye deer

What do you call a deer with without legs and eyes?

- still no eye deer

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For when the kids get older or you just DGAF:

What do you call a deer with without legs, eyes, and gentelia?

- still no f*cking eye deer

If they haven’t heard it before, the knock knock interrupting cow joke is always a winner.

A Mexican train derailed today. Detectives found no suspects but suspect there were locomotives.

A guy is walking down the sidewalk and passes by the insane asylum which is surrounded by a large wooden fence. He hears them yelling on the other side 12!12!12!. He walks a little further and comes to a peephole in the fence and peeks inside. When he does he gets poked in the eye with a stick. Then he hears 13! 13! 13!

How does the mermaid wash her fin?



with Tide

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.

I do not find that funny!