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Started By
Message
re: Give me all of your stupid jokes
Posted on 1/23/19 at 6:48 am to X123F45
Posted on 1/23/19 at 6:48 am to X123F45
A guy is speeding and gets pulled over.
The cop says "sir, I have you going 68 in a 55"
The guy replies "could you tweak that a little so it will sound cool in court?"
The cop then says "no problem, I got you."
The guy shows up in court and the judge asks "how in the hell were you doing 420 in a 55?"
The cop says "sir, I have you going 68 in a 55"
The guy replies "could you tweak that a little so it will sound cool in court?"
The cop then says "no problem, I got you."
The guy shows up in court and the judge asks "how in the hell were you doing 420 in a 55?"
1
Posted on 1/23/19 at 7:26 am to LSUsuperfresh
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Hose A and Hose B
Hose A and Hose B
Posted on 1/23/19 at 7:53 am to foshizzle
quote:
Three guys are walking on a beach and find a lamp. They rub the lamp, the genie appears, and grants each of them three wishes.
Guy #1 says "I want the best-looking woman in the world to fall in love with me and be my wife forever". Instantly an OT 12 appears, gazing at him lustfully.
Guy #2 says "I want to be so good-looking that every woman in the world wants to be with me". Instantly, women start converging on him.
Guy #3 thinks carefully. After some time he says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise forever without tiring." Immediately, it begins to do that.
2nd round: Guy 1 says "I want a billion dollars". Guy 2 says "I want ten billion dollars". Guy 3 says "I want my right arm to rotate counterclockwise."
Final round: Guy 1 and 2 wish for stuff. Guy 3 wishes for his head to start bobbing back and forth.
The genie grants all the wishes and disappears.
A year later, the three men meet in a bar to catch up on things. Guy 1 says "My wife is even more beautiful than when we met, and with my billion we travel all around the world."
Guy 2 says "I have a different woman every night and with all my money I have the best doctors to keep me disease free."
Guy 3, head nodding and arms whirling around, says "Guys, I think I might have fricked up."
I wasn’t sure what this punchline was going to be but it was definitely unexpected
Posted on 1/23/19 at 8:01 am to deeprig9
quote:
deeprig9
You win. What's the smallest thing you have in your kitchen?
A microwave.
Posted on 1/23/19 at 8:26 am to OysterPoBoy
quote:
Is this thing on?
Do they do comedy here?
If you're going to play golf in the next few days,
make sure you wear two pair of pants.
In case you get a hole in one.
Posted on 1/23/19 at 8:33 am to LarryDavid
What is a ghost's favorite theme park ride?
A roller ghoster.
A roller ghoster.
Posted on 1/23/19 at 8:59 am to X123F45
An Irishmen is sitting at a bar in a small mountain town. After a minute or two he calls the bartender over.
"You see that bridge over there", he says, pointing out the window, "I built that bridge with me own two hands...but do they call me Brady.. the bridge builder??...No they don't."
"What about that church up on that hill over yonder. I alone built that church from the ground up, carrying every stone and every beam on me own back up that steep hill....but do they call me Brady..the church builder?...No they don't."
"But if you frick one goat!!"
"You see that bridge over there", he says, pointing out the window, "I built that bridge with me own two hands...but do they call me Brady.. the bridge builder??...No they don't."
"What about that church up on that hill over yonder. I alone built that church from the ground up, carrying every stone and every beam on me own back up that steep hill....but do they call me Brady..the church builder?...No they don't."
"But if you frick one goat!!"
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