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re: Being present at the end for a loved one. What's too young?
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:16 pm to mahdragonz
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:16 pm to mahdragonz
0
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:17 pm to bamarep
That's about the age I started to lose grandparents. I remember my mom and dad asking me if I wanted to go to the hospice, go in the room after they died, stuff like that.
I probably said yes to some and no to others, I think your kid is probably old enough to decide.
I mean, if the grandmother is asking for the kid or something, you might lean one way or another, but looking back, it's not like any of my decisions about those situations haunts me or anything.
I probably said yes to some and no to others, I think your kid is probably old enough to decide.
I mean, if the grandmother is asking for the kid or something, you might lean one way or another, but looking back, it's not like any of my decisions about those situations haunts me or anything.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:20 pm to Pettifogger
I lost my first grandparent about that age. He had been sick for a few weeks, seemed to be getting better, then took a turn for the worse and died. It was a big shock to me because it was unexpected. Whatever you decide, keep your child informed of what's going on.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:22 pm to mahdragonz
quote:
Your ex sounds like a real fricking winner.
She actually just sent me a text not to bring him that he didn't need to see her that way.
I'll reserve comment on the quoted statement to a more respectful time.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:22 pm to Walt OReilly
quote:
Let the kid be there
Builds character
Hell, let him actually pull the plug!
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:23 pm to bamarep
I grew up in the country, and have killed many animals. Watching something die is hard. I thought I would be able to take it, but I watched my great grandmother die from Alzheimer's when I was 19. Terrible. When I think about her, it is while she was in bed. Wish I hadn't seen it. I think 13 is way too young, unless it is a parent. If you allow him to be around that, it will change him.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:25 pm to Jim Rockford
Saying goodbye to a loved one is not traumatic. You want to shelter him, but he knows she is dying. Let him go. He may decide when he gets there that he can't do it, or he will go in and see her one last time.
But let him make that choice.
But let him make that choice.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:26 pm to lnomm34
It should be the child's choice. He is old enough to choose.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:29 pm to bamarep
13 is old enough to handle that. That's the perfect age to be old enough for the two of you to have some important and necessary conversations about the brevity of life, afterlife etc.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:33 pm to bamarep
First, are we talking about watching them die (being there when it happens) OR going into a room to say good byes before the actual death?
I was just with my 82 year old father when he died and while he was on a lot of morphine, it was not pretty.
13 is old enough to have a discussion about if what they want to do. Hell, some of my father's friends (in their 70's and 80's) did not want to be around - they wanted to remember him the way he was.
Regardless, sorry for the situation you are facing.
I was just with my 82 year old father when he died and while he was on a lot of morphine, it was not pretty.
13 is old enough to have a discussion about if what they want to do. Hell, some of my father's friends (in their 70's and 80's) did not want to be around - they wanted to remember him the way he was.
Regardless, sorry for the situation you are facing.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:37 pm to bamarep
I was that age and saw both of my grandmothers die within 5 months of each other. It fricked me up for a while. I had nightmares for months and couldn't ever sleep.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:40 pm to captainahab
Is the grandmother still lucid? Does she want to see her grandson? I'd take that into consideration too. My grandmaw was in the hospice when I was 17 and it was nice being able to spend some quality time with her, tell her I love her and reminisce about all the good times. I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Every person is different, but I would hate to rob a dying relative of being able to say goodbye because I don't want my son to see him/her in that condition.
Every person is different, but I would hate to rob a dying relative of being able to say goodbye because I don't want my son to see him/her in that condition.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:42 pm to bamarep
It's his grandmother dumbfrick. Are you serious?
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:43 pm to bamarep
In hindsight, I don't think I was mature enough to experience something like that when I was 13.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:45 pm to The Mick
Thanks for the input, even the ones that took the opportunity to be a jackass.
She is on morphine.
She is on morphine.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:47 pm to bamarep
quote:
Thanks for the input, even the ones that took the opportunity to be a jackass.
She is on morphine.
having witnessed that, I wouldn't think that would be a good last impression for the kid, best of luck
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:48 pm to bamarep
(no message)
This post was edited on 1/10/21 at 8:56 am
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:50 pm to bamarep
quote:
She actually just sent me a text not to bring him that he didn't need to see her that way.
I wasn't there for either of my grandparents death and I was ok with it. I don't have any regret and I remember them fondly.
I don't need to see people actually dying. If they're on their death bed and they explicitly ask for me then that would be another thing.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:57 pm to bamarep
I wouldn't bring the 13 year old. Its hard to rank family, but if they didn't spend a lot of time together (a lot of time= Seeing them more than holidays and an occasional visit) then it's better they don't go. It'll mess your head up at that age. Maybe not therapy messed up, but something that will sit with them awhile.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 1:00 pm to bamarep
Do you mean present by she's in the room when her grandmother actually passes away? I would say no to this. Watching someone or something die often isn't like it is in the movies where everything just becomes very still. When a person or animal dies there are often agonal, gasping breaths and a "death rattle" (sound of respiratory and nasal type secretions) that can be heard and seen after they've passed.
I'm now in my 30's and I don't want to see a person do this ever again- much less one I'm related to. Could be traumatic and witnessing that won't build character, help them grow up... whatever people want to say.
They could come in shortly thereafter and I think that is appropriate if the kid agrees to it and is not forced.
I'm now in my 30's and I don't want to see a person do this ever again- much less one I'm related to. Could be traumatic and witnessing that won't build character, help them grow up... whatever people want to say.
They could come in shortly thereafter and I think that is appropriate if the kid agrees to it and is not forced.
This post was edited on 2/13/15 at 1:01 pm
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