re: Actual Resume Submitted for Guard Duty Position

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When faking English, you don't use a lot of misspellings.
Most use a English translator software that at least spells correctly, albeit with comical word choice.
This looks woefully bad in attempt of humor.

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You did not say this right, but u get your drift.

When faking English you will
Use a lot of misspellings to throw off those you mean to deceive. The reality is when foreigners try to speak English they tend to be wrong as far syntax, and subject verb agreement, but they don't misspell, and they don't use slang.

He probably still knows how long it would take to get 80 miles if you are driving 80 mph.

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Where in the world did he get pants for a 7 footer?

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Probably his private school uniform.