"4 Ridiculous Questions People Asked Me When My 11-Year-Old Came Out as Gay"

quote:

---

When my son was eleven, he came out to my husband and me as gay – or as he initially put it, “I think I’m finally ready to realize something about myself.” (He’s smart and hilarious.)

My husband and I are both queer – more on that later – so he knew we likely wouldn’t have a negative reaction. We did go out to dinner to celebrate his “realization,” but in a lot of ways, it was largely a non-event.

---

quote:

---

Even though everyone has been really proud of him for being willing to take the plunge of coming out, I have gotten some questions from people that were, um, eyebrow raising.

---

quote:

---

1. ‘Do You Think He’s Gay?’

---

quote:

---

I completely understand the impulse behind this question: The asker is trying to get the perspective of an adult that spends a lot of time with him. I also resent the unspoken undercurrent of this question that somehow I would know better than him what his sexual orientation is.

---

quote:

---

First of all, we don’t default to heterosexuality as the “norm” and everything else as “other.” And he also had said and done things in the past that my husband’s and my gaydars picked up

---

quote:

---

2. ‘Do You Think This Is Just a Phase?’

---

quote:

---

No. So what if it is? Given the fluidity of sexual orientation and desire, isn’t everything kind of a phase? There is no way to use only a single word to describe the uniqueness of a person’s sexual orientation and desires.

---

quote:

---

However, in the society that we live in, calling something a “phase” is a way to delegitimize it as an identity.

---

quote:

---

3. ‘Don’t You Think He’s Too Young to Know If He’s Gay?’ This question is just straight-up bullshite. The answer is no.

---

quote:

---

4. ‘Do You Think He Came Out Because You Glorify Gayness in Your House?’

---

quote:

---

As I mentioned above, my husband and I are both queer. “How can a man and woman who are married to each other be queer?” people I barely know ask me. There’s this cool new thing (actually it’s old and not usually seen as that cool) called bisexuality! I highly recommend it.

---

quote:

---

Anyway, we both identify as bi and queer and we make sure that our kids know that. They have even been to a summer camp for kids in queer families. I know there’s a ton of privilege in being a straight-appearing couple with kids, but queerness is a really important part of our identities and the way we parent.

---

quote:

---

Katie Tastrom is a lawyer, writer, blogger, trainer, zinester, activist, and all around loudmouth who focuses on fat activism, legal issues, parenting issues, disability and queer topics. She is a content writer for The Body is Not an Apology, and her work has appeared at The Establishment, Mutha Magazine, Hip Mama, and xoJane. She is based in Syracuse, NY. Follow her on Twitter @KatieTastrom. Read her articles here.

---