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Post 9/11 Seinfeld script, pretty dark
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:10 am
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:10 am
LINK
Later
later Jerry Elaine
quote:
THE FIREFIGHTER AND OFFICER NOD. “WHAT IS THIS GUY?”
GEORGE: So, an INTERESTING week.
FIREFIGHTER These have been the worst four days of my life.
GEORGE Horrible, horrible. And yet, it must be just a bit exciting.
POLICE OFFICER Excuse me?
GEORGE Well, men in your profession - you want to save lives, face danger head on. If ever there was a time...
FIREFIGHTER Buddy, I watched the South Tower collapse on half of my engine. You saying I wanted that to happen?
GEORGE No no, I’m just SUGGESTING -
POLICE OFFICER Suggesting WHAT?
FIREFIGHTER You’ve got a big mouth, you son of a bitch! HE SWINGS AT GEORGE WITH HIS GOOD ARM. GEORGE DUCKS AND THE FIREFIGHTER FALLS FORWARD ONTO THE TABLE, COLLAPSING IT. HE MOANS. THE ROOM IS STUNNED.
Later
quote:
JERRY It must be EXCITING? EXCITING? “Hey, I’m sorry you watched thousands of people die, but boy! That must have got the old adrenaline pumping!”
GEORGE They don’t know how good they have it! My whole life I’ve wanted to be a hero. Here it just falls into their laps, and they don’t even appreciate it!
later Jerry Elaine
quote:
ELAINE Jeeze, can you believe how quickly they got this place cleaned up? This entire block was covered in dust!
JERRY I know, it’s immaculate! It’s like they made a blood sacrifice to Mr. Clean. Hey, by the way, I am so, so sorry about that guy you were seeing.
ELAINE Meh?
JERRY What do you mean, meh? He was murdered by terrorists.
ELAINE I was gonna break up with him anyway.
JERRY I thought you liked him.
ELAINE He was nice, but in conversations he was just so... animated. It was like I was dating a radio sound effects guy. Anyway, saved me an awkward dinner.
JERRY Well as long as it worked out for you.
quote:
KRAMER You remember my crazy friend Mo Atta?
ELAINE The guy you fish-sit for when he goes to Florida? What about him?
KRAMER Look at this! KRAMER HANDS ELAINE A NEWSPAPER. SHE READS.
ELAINE “The leader of the hijackers has been identified as Egyptian-national MOHAMED ATTA.” GET - OUT! ELAINE SHOVES KRAMER FROM ACROSS THE TABLE.
KRAMER You know he was always talking about how evil America was? Eventually I told him, “Why don’t you do something about it?” I thought he’d write to his Congressman!
JERRY Kramer, he just crashed a plane into the World Trade Center! He slit the pilots’ throats with a box-cutter!
KRAMER Not “a” box-cutter - MY box-cutter. He borrowed it last week!
16
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:12 am to Kujo
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:19 am to Kujo
Obviously never would have aired, but damn Jerry
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:24 am to Kujo
quote:
Not “a” box-cutter - MY box-cutter. He borrowed it last week!
Gold Jerry! Gold!
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:27 am to Kujo
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:27 am to speechles
This was written by some random comedian. Not Jerry Seinfeld
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:29 am to Kujo
Didn't click on the link, but has to be fake .... right?
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:31 am to speechles
quote:
Obviously never would have aired, but damn Jerry
quote:
(Billy) Domineau, a freelance joke contributor for Weekend Update and former Onion News Network writer, wrote the script as a lark and uploaded it to Google Docs
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:32 am to GeorgeTheGreek
quote:
Domineau, a freelance joke contributor for Weekend Update and former Onion News Network writer, wrote the script as a lark and uploaded it to Google Docs — you can read it here or embedded below — and it’s currently blowing up amongst comedians on Facebook
Since y'all are so damn lazy and are apparently gonna call out Jerry Seinfeld for this shite
Posted on 8/4/16 at 12:48 am to monkeybutt
Seinfeld ending 3 years prior to 9/11 should've been a decent clue.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 1:19 am to saintsfan22
quote:
Seinfeld ending 3 years prior to 9/11 should've been a decent clue.
I was about to point that out. Besides, while Seinfeld was actually way darker than lots of people realize, they weren't that dark. Their primary audience would have revolted, and very loudly. It could have aired in 2011. Closer to 2001? More than one comedian's career was derailed by 9/11 jokes.
OTOH, if it's still around, the Onion issue a couple weeks after 9/11 -- entitled "Holy fricking shite" iirc -- was a slice of fried gold. Not sure how they did it, but they pulled it off.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 6:45 am to Kujo
That can't be real.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 7:03 am to saintsfan22
This was bad but doesn't hold a candle to the sandy hook episode of the Honeymooners.
This post was edited on 8/4/16 at 7:05 am
Posted on 8/4/16 at 7:05 am to Kujo
That's worse than Elaine's Murphy Brown script.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 7:23 am to Kujo
The most redeeming value that Seinfeld holds for me is that it never had one "serious" episode/moment. All comedy, all the time.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 7:34 am to Kujo
Did anyone actually READ the whole thing...because it's fricking hilarious! Yeah...it's dark as shite, but it's spot on and you can literally hear and see this episode playing out. It's really pretty brilliant.
As with all episodes of Seinfeld, it paints them to be horrendous even at one of the worst times ever.
As with all episodes of Seinfeld, it paints them to be horrendous even at one of the worst times ever.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 7:57 am to GeauxTigerTM
Ok, i read it based on your post. You're right--ALL THINGS CONSIDERED REGARDING SEINFELD STORYLINES--it's really fricking funny.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 8:03 am to Honest Tune
They did get pretty far into an episode about Elaine getting a gun. They decided against it.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 8:09 am to Honest Tune
quote:
Ok, i read it based on your post. You're right--ALL THINGS CONSIDERED REGARDING SEINFELD STORYLINES--it's really fricking funny.
It just feels like EXACTLY the way they'd have done that had they still been on and they could legitimately have gotten way with it.
Reminds me of the episode where Kramer won;t wear the Aids ribbon. Sure...they poke fun at the activists, because they ARE funny at times. But it's not about making fun of them. And if people can be honest, the over the top level of patriotism at the time that faded away over time was sort of like that. You see that a bit in this script.
But the real take away is, as always, these characters are TERRIBLE. Everything is ALWAYS entirely about them...even 9/11.
Posted on 8/4/16 at 8:19 am to GeauxTigerTM
I mean, they made making fun of a sick kid in a bubble a totally relatable experience.
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