DAT 7/21 Cleveland (Morgan) @ Astros (LMJ) 7:10

TD.com - (DAT news service) - 21 July 2021

The night was all about Jose Altuve. Ten glorious years as a Major League Baseball second baseman for America's Favorite Team, the Houston Astros. The mega-Star belted 2 home runs to lead the team to a 9-0 win over the Cleveland Indigenous Peoples.

Michael Brantley congratulates Jose Altuve on his second homerun of the game.

"Just the things he does. He's a quality person, a great teammate and everybody respects him.", lamented Astros Manager, frick off, Dusty Baker.

With the game tied at 0-0 in the bottom of the first, Altuve put his team in the lead for good with a moonshot that could still be flying, if it were not for gravity and Minute Maid Park's confines.

Rookie of the Year lock, Luis Garcia pitched 6 shutout innings of 3 hit ball. The budding star struck out 8 while issuing no walks.

The Astros belted 14 hits, and even the 300 million dollar man got into the act, breaking his 1,129 game hitless streak with a pedestrian double. Ms. Texas is going be mighty pleased there Big fella!

Despite the game results, the night was all about Jose Altuve. When he was asked about the accomplishment of 10 years in the majors, Jose responded with, "I didn't do it to prove people wrong. I did it to prove people right. All the people that believe in me." He later added, "I have such a huge following in this country. Everywhere you go, people want to have sex with Jose Altuve! Even when I'm not playing in their stadiums, they're still yelling that they want to have sex with me. What a beautiful country!"

In the bottom of the 5th inning, the Astros star returned some of the love. Right in the middle of running from second to third on a Brantley 2 run single, Altuve stopped running halfway to 3rd base. Apparently, the Cleveland's SS had asked for an autographed baseball. What a gem!

Kyle Tucker darts home for a score!

The Astros bullpen threw 2 shutout innings for Manager Dusty Baker. And Joe Laforce also appeared in the game. When the Astros Manager gave the ball to Joe, you can clearly see that Dusty tells him, "Joe, close this game out, I really want a shutout today." Mr. Laforce's soft gaze was almost as soft as his fast ball as he whispered, "ok, skipper". (later, Dusty was overheard in the dugout asking the bench coach 'who the hell is this skip fella?').

Naturally, Mr. Force saved his answer about shutout ball with the only exclamation he knows, giving up 4 hits and 3 runs and recording only 1 out. And a very hearty,

Joe Laforce blows the shutout in the 8th inning.

frick off,
Dusty Baker