- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
The Unknown Writer - Syracuse Edition
Posted on 9/25/17 at 9:40 pm
Posted on 9/25/17 at 9:40 pm
Again, not me. Don’t know who he is. I just receive them somewhere down the line:
quote:
I began this morning like I begin every other. Before getting out of bed, I felt my face to determine whether Kim Jung Un had melted it like that Nazi’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He hadn’t. So I turned my thoughts to last night’s game against Syracuse. Tiger Stadium was not so much “electric” as it was “ox-drawn.” After last week’s beat-down by a Mississippi State team that had its collective arse handed to it by Georgia, it was difficult to convince any more than 40,000 people they were better off sweating in Tiger Stadium than they were watching the game on TV in climate-controlled comfort. This is not to suggest the slothful, homebound fans escaped the affair unscathed. No, indeed. We were plenty scathed by the incessant, often nonsensical commentary of two ESPN junior varsity blatherskites, Ahmad Brooks and Anish Shroff. For reasons I dare not consider, Brooks channeled Louis Farrakhan by wearing a dark, shiny suit and bow tie. Unlike Farrakhan, Brooks expressed an ancient Greek preoccupation with the male form, frequently analyzing and admiring the physiques of one player or another. It was hotter in the booth than it was on the field. For his part, Anish Shroff told and re-told the frequently told and re-told the story of Derrius Guice who grew up in the meaner streets of Baton Rouge and whose father was shot in the head when Derrius was seven. After the story was recounted a third time, Ahmad noted that he too had overcome a “tough home environment,” a childhood presumably marred by his mother’s insistence that he wear open-collared shirts of 100% breathable cotton. This Hard Luck Off between Ahmad and Derrius was infinitely more entertaining that the contest on the field. It was clear Coach (zer)O had made critical changes between the MSU and Syracuse games. Perhaps most obvious was his decision to dye his hair with Kiwi black shoe polish rather than Just For Men. But a lot hadn’t changed. For example, the offensive line was still terrible. Toby Weathersby blocked like Mr. Weatherbee. On defense, Cerebro hasn’t taught the young players to “wrap up” when tackling. For much of the night, those defenders tackled like wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube men, the kind you see outside car dealerships and mattress sales. Though Tiger Stadium more closely resembles Hidden Valley than Death Valley, I take comfort in the fact that our players aren’t forced to wear a heinous shade of orange from head to toe. And I know there are better years ahead, assuming I continue waking without a melted face.
Posted on 9/25/17 at 9:44 pm to BPTiger
Pretty funny. Have an upvoat.
Posted on 9/25/17 at 9:46 pm to LSUTigersVCURams
quote:
y. Have an upvoat
tue please
Posted on 9/25/17 at 9:51 pm to BPTiger
I like the part about JV blatherskites. Nice.
Posted on 9/25/17 at 10:02 pm to LSUTigersVCURams
quote:
Pretty funny. Have an upvoat.
and one moar....
Posted on 9/25/17 at 10:28 pm to BPTiger
The announcers were definitely subpar
ESPNs talent drain is real
ESPNs talent drain is real
Posted on 9/25/17 at 11:33 pm to BPTiger
Last week was better, but still intelligent and funny.
Posted on 9/25/17 at 11:50 pm to BPTiger
He could have just said it felt like a reoccurring bad dream because that what it felt like watching from my couch.
A couple times I put hands over my nine year old son's face because it was almost rapey watching the O line in action
A couple times I put hands over my nine year old son's face because it was almost rapey watching the O line in action
This post was edited on 9/25/17 at 11:52 pm
Posted on 9/26/17 at 12:23 am to rantfan
I know Aranda is using a lot of freshmen but good lord teach them to wrap and hold on the offensive player when tackling. I saw a lot of missed tackles due to not wrapping the player up. Not rocket science. Hit the player and grab onto a (legal) part of his body and drag him down or stop him long enough for help.
Posted on 9/26/17 at 12:53 am to rantfan
quote:
He could have just said it felt like a reoccurring bad dream because that what it felt like watching from my couch.
Well, naw, I doubt the writer would as he or she would likely understand the difference between reoccurring vs recurring.
Posted on 9/26/17 at 7:14 am to Gumbo1
quote:
I know Aranda is using a lot of freshmen but good lord teach them to wrap and hold on the offensive player when tackling.
Unfortunately, they're coaching strip attempts as some sort of positive stat. I want them to try to strip the ball, too, but not at the expense of tackling.
Posted on 9/26/17 at 7:16 am to BPTiger
Not bad...still in and will read next week. 100 points for blatherskites.
Posted on 9/26/17 at 9:23 am to BPTiger
quote:
frequently analyzing and admiring the physiques of one player or another. It was hotter in the booth than it was on the field.
I did a Little homoerotic vibe from them.
Plus anytime guice was on the field
“HE HAD A DIFFICULT UPBRINGING!!
AND THIS IS KIM MULKEY, HEAD BASKETBALL COACH FOR THE BAYLOR BEARS. AND KARL MALONE HAS A FLIP PHONE”
Posted on 9/26/17 at 10:43 am to Gumbo1
quote:
know Aranda is using a lot of freshmen but good lord teach them to wrap and hold on the offensive player when tackling.
Too many extra yards. Their qb hit harder than some of our young guys.
Posted on 9/26/17 at 11:56 am to dgnx6
Have you ever heard of "paragraphs", they make reading a lot easier...
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News