For the ranters-The Day the Hamsters Died: an original TD parody

Posted on 8/13/15 at 11:39 am

Posted by fr33manator

Baton Rouge

Member since Oct 2010

124251 posts

Posted on 8/13/15 at 11:39 am

To the tune of Don McLean's " American Pie"

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember when the posters,
Bitched about Les Miles,
Every day they'd go on rants,
Some would post banana dance,
And then they'd rip on Chavis for a while,

But then one morning I was online,
Refreshed but I just saw a stop sign,
I tried to find the OT,
I couldn't (sad emoji)

I can't remember if I cried,
In traffic on my morning ride,
To log back in I tried and tried...
The day, the hamsters died...
So

Oh why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

Well do you show your TD love?
And did you downvote the post above,
'Cause it's frickin' lame I know,
Well do you believe pre-season polls,
On who will score the most field goals,
Can you teach me, 'bout hookers and blow?

Well I know the site is down again,
Hope it don't get sold to ESPN,
Where else will I get Tiger News,
I got the the TD stop sign bluuuuuuees,

Well I keep tryin' to log in but no luck,
As I bang my head here in my truck,
The interstate won't move and here I'm stuck,
The day, the hamsters died...
I started writing

why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

Now for ten years plus the site has grown,
It's the best sports site the world has known,
But that's not how it used to be,

When the members numbered in the teens,
And the site said "poop" on the home screen,
With a server on LA property,

OH but now the site is frickin' down,
All, hamsters dead in Houston town,
All their little bodies burned,
Will the Dhillips never learn?

I can't read a thread on who did what,
WYHI or PIIHB
Or about the latest teacher slut,
The day, the hamsters died
We're all saying

why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

Harris, Jennings, who cares if we're winning,
Since we're all out of baseball innings,
Been too long since we won last,

If we can only make the pass,
Keep the defense honest, hold them fast,
With Fournette we'll, knock the others on their arse,

Now the half-times will be 'neath the moon,
Let the band play on, no piped in tunes,
They'll try to post on the rant,
But no Wi-Fi so they can't,

And the players all will take the field,
And our defense will refuse to yield,
Miles secret playbook is revealed,
But now, the hamsters died,
And we're all asking

why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

Well on TD we're all in one place,
SEC fans in cyberspace,
It's better than ESPN

So come on Chicken hurry, fix it quick,
Putting gerbils in might do the trick,
Oh god, will this stop sign, never end,

Oh and as I watched it on the page.
My teeth are clenched in a fit of rage,
This site's set up so well,
And browsing reddit's hard as hell...

And as the posters wait with bated breath,
And crying over hamster death,
Oh why did Fred give them all meth,
The day the hamsters died...

Oh why, why did chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

The site's still down, I've got the blues,
Now I'll have to watch TV for news,
But who wants to watch that all day?

So I went down to the corner store.
The clerk there had a herpes sore.
I just casty-ed, looked at him and said

Now just this stop sign on my screen,
All my awful rhymes cannot be seen,
And not a gif is posted,
[This image no longer hosted]

And the admins I admire most,
(Except for Kalunda, he doesn't post)
All let down the whole southern coast,
The day, the hamsters, died,

Oh why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?

Oh why, why did Chicken let 'em die,
Did Kalunda spill his soda and did they all get fried?
Did all the "Good Ol' Baws" make them commit hamstercide,
Or did they just hear one too many "Roll Tide"'s?
Oh why oh why did the hamsters die?