An accounting of the season, and the Death Valley Rally, in Rhyme

Posted on 10/22/17 at 8:23 am

Posted by fr33manator

Baton Rouge

Member since Oct 2010

124251 posts

Posted on 10/22/17 at 8:23 am

The season had turned dismal for the Fighting Tiger clan,
Whose high hopes had been shattered, No, it hadn’t gone as planned,
They struggled where they shouldn’t have, and in a crushing blow,
Mississippi State had gone and laid the Tigers low,
Anemic against Syracuse, even though they got the win,
But what would happen next, most said, would do the Tigers in,
Homecoming in Death Valley, unbelievable to some,
A night game ‘gainst a rent-a-win, alas, no win would come,
They plunged right out the rankings, as well they should, but boy,
Most felt the season over after they were slain by Troy,

“Fire Canada! Aranda!” Many times the ranters said,
But the seat that sat the hottest was the arse of somber Ed,
Maligned by many Tiger fans (and much of it deserved),
Who didn’t enjoy tasting the shite sandwich they’d been served,
For years they’d been bled dry, it seems, by schemes of Worthless Joe,
And in the wake of that loss many said they would not go,

But the Tigers trudged to Gainesville, (though at home we should have played),
Braced for losing to ranked Florida, pitchforks sharpened, torches made,
But then, some magic happened, (although some were surely pissed),
As the Tigers squeaked one out, you see, an extra point was missed,

“A fluke!”, most rantards murmured, calling still for Coach O’s head,
“We won’t even get a bowl! The season’s shot. All dreams are dead.”
For you see, Auburn came next, a solid team in the top 10,
And the way that they’d been playing there was no way we could win,
On that scorching Saturday on campus in the bleak October,
Most Tiger fans, (the good ones) were prepared to be bent over,

And after that first quarter, as the sun was blazing hot,
The hopes of fans were melting, as it seemed all hopes were shot,
Being thrashed at all positions, Auburn pushing us at will,
With nearly half the game gone, Plainsmen 20, Tigers nil,
Then suddenly amidst the heat, from somewhere came a spark,
A pass down to the red zone in the able hands of Chark,
It wasn’t much, but ‘twas enough, to soothe the rising rage,
As the Tigers scored a touchdown with a diving leap from Gage,
The Tigers gave no quarter, some would say they heard Mike roar,
They battled down the field and then produced another score

Beleaguered still at halftime, it was 23-14
But the thing that happened next was something that is seldom seen,
A different team came out that half, like LSU of yore,
Clipped the wings of that war eagle so that it would fly no more,
Though bloodied, but unbowed, it seems, the Tigers battled back,
75 yard punt return, now dubbed the “Chark Attack”,

And thus momentum shifted, and the defense made them pay,
With Key and White and others zeroing in on each play,
With Etling at the helm and Guice and Williams making gains,
They fought for every inch and down the field they moved the chains,
Then in those moments clutch, capable Connor Culp did kick,
Through the uprights, telling Auburn, they could suck this Tiger Dick,
And when the dust had settled, and they showed the final tally,
Those present could say they were there for The Death Valley Rally,

And thus the hope that once seemed lost to fans like you and me,
Glimmered once more in eyes, for we controlled our destiny,
But still the negatigers griped, and curled an angry fist,
We’d be exposed, upon the road, by Coach O’s former Miss,
To Oxford went the Tigers, leaving old losses behind,
(Are they rebels? Black bears? Landsharks now? Wish they’d make up their mind)
And in a forceful showing, which admittedly was nice,
The Tigers pounded Ol’ Piss down, (much thanks to healthy Guice),

Though the stain of early losses is sure to take its toll,
The Tigers seem alive again, (at least we’ll get a bowl)
The magic once again feels real, the hope, it hasn’t died,
Though the odds aren’t in our favor, soon we’ll face the Crimson Tide,
And if, by chance, some miracle, the Tigers should prevail,
(Although, his soul to Satan, Saban’s surely made a sale),
All Gold and Purple Tiger fans should make their roars quite heard,
Although we’ve found our stride,
That Joe Alleva’s still a turd.

TL;DR version

There once was a loser from Duke,
Whose entire career is a fluke,
Though the Tigers are back,
He can suck my ballsack,
Alleva’s worse than shite covered puke.

This post was edited on 10/22/17 at 9:38 am