Top Chef: All-Stars L.A. (starts 3/19)

Kevin and Bryan could be favorites.
Jennifer is there for looks.

Thanks for this post. Love Top Chef.

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Bryan Voltaggio (Season 6: Las Vegas)

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Might as well just give him the trophy now.

Fabio said that in reference to Jamie Lauren, not Jenn. I only know that because I've been binge watching all prior seasons in preparation for this one...with the exception of Season 9 because I hate those girls so much.

I'm rooting for Kevin but I think Bryan's going to take it.

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Fabio said that in reference to Jamie Lauren, not Jenn.

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Looks like you are correct. I would have bet $50 that it was Jen slinging the scallops.

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Isn't Voltaggio considered one of the best chefs in the country already?

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I think he's had several failed restaurants that have amounted to a load of debt so he probably needs the exposure again.

Always loved this show. Love the judges even though they are crazy liberals.

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Love the judges even though they are crazy liberals.

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Well they are on TV, so this is a given.

Padma is completely lacking in any talent or charisma. She is there for one obvious purpose. But she also seems pretty genuine, so I don't mind the lack of talent.

I would say she has talent, well a set of "talents"

Anyone know what time this comes on tonight?

Episode 1: Spoilers ahead

Pornstache Joe always has to do his pasta. His quickfire contribution of Tortellono with artichoke barigoule in pancetta brodo caused Padma to exclaim, "That was a strong brodo!"

That struck me as funny. Maybe it was because I had no idea what brodo was. Turns out it's just Italian for broth. I would know that if I had been on board the big bone broth bandwagon, but it has seemed to me to be a gimmicky fad designed for people like Gwyneth Paltrow.

I think the winning team members got to pick a team for the elimination challenge, but I wasn't paying attention. Did the winning team get an actual prize? I don't recall. Maybe a bottle of Purell valued at over $9,000.

On to the elimination round. When they chose teams, Nini Nguyen was one of the last taken. She may get overlooked because she is quiet, but she was a damned strong and creative competitor in her season. She mentioned that she wants to open a restaurant in New Orleans, so she is also brave or crazy.

They have to cook seafood over fire on the beach. Lee Anne is all like, "I live in Hawaii, so cooking on the beach is no big deal." You know what that foreshadows on this show.

She cooked halibut on the grill about as well as a rookie Girl Scout on her first camping trip. Forgot to oil the grate, so the fish stuck, then glugged oil on the grate (and open fire!), which guaranteed a nice flame up that charred the fish. It looked awful, and the judges thought it tasted like the bottom of a bag of Kingsford.

But pornstache Joe was apparently even worse. He let Malarkey bully him into making flatbread with sea urchin, clams, and an aioli, which they showed him adding more and more of (foreshadowing). Well, guess what, the judges hated it and said there was way too much aioli and other wet "stuff" that made the bread soggy.

Joe said the aioli was “the glue” that held everything together. “Glue is not a good word when it comes to food,” Tom replied.

Joe's glue pizza got him sent home, but I thought Lee Anne's scorched halibut looked worse. I also wanted Lee Anne kicked off so I don't have to see her damned baby pics every week.

There were some really crap dishes on teams that were safe from elimination, but Tom did not spare them his zingers. Kevin and Angelo got brutalized in front of everyone.

Angelo made oysters with rice porridge that one judge said was like babyfood.

Kevin bragged that last time he competed he was just a cook, but now he's something beyond that. Jeremiah Tower said Kevin “forgot he was a cook” (burn!) after Kev turned in visually beautiful but overcooked swordfish. Tom said the fish was "hammered." Kevin looked shocked.

Gregory's charred salmon with grilled peaches and roasted chili dressing was the winner.

They also loved Jenn's tuna. Judge Suzanne Goins sexily commented, “I would eat Jenn’s dish for lunch any day.” Get a room, ladies.

It looks like a very strong bunch, as you would expect from former competitors who did well.

Please pray for the health of the contestants' families. I'd rather eat burned halibut on soggy flatbread than listen to a bunch of teary phone calls about a sick grandma or pregnant wife. But you know it's coming.