re: Craft Beer Mules Exposed

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In what is being called the premiere organized labor movement of the beer world in 2015, profiteering muling groups have now demanded union rights and benefits from the local breweries they patronize. “We are organized, and we aren’t going anywhere, we want medical benefits and the guarantee to buy several allocations of limited bottles, we refuse to be bullied any longer,” local foreman, Chase Bellicose noted proudly, “It is 2015 and we refuse to be beholden to 1 per person limits any more, if we can’t get cases upon cases of these sub-1000 count releases, our muling groups starve. That’s just immoral.”

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With increasing frequency, muling shitlords have assembled their diabetic laborers into Facebook groups to demand the rights to which they feel entitled. “This isn’t the gilded age, I dont work hard 28 hours a week at Office Depot just to walk away with two Hill Farmstead bottles, this is America, they need to realize what we deserve,” Daniel Jaunders stated firmly, a look of Dickensian filth upon his cargo shorts, laser printer ink smeared across his pockmarked mutton chops. “We toil under their regime, these brewery capitalists just watch on high while I neglect my family and job to stand in a single-file line for hours. Because I stood there, I deserve far more. I want triple allocations, also access to health care to provide my fiance with nuva rings,” Jaunders stated while playing Clash of Clans, standing pre-emptively in a line for a Tired Hands release he suspects is forthcoming, “Other people look at me and just see an obese man-child standing in an industrial park waiting for sugar water, sure, it’s partly that, but they don’t see 22 other hungry mouths from all over the country: MY FACEBOOK GROUP. If my muling group goes thirsty is it not right to steal a loaf of breadwater?”

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