re: Cancer has finally caught up with my family

my daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in January. She did chemo and radiation and is, thank God, out of treatment. She got her port removed in July and rang the bell in August.

Cancer has always been in my family but it was an older relative who had had it. It's something entirely different when it's your child. It's indescribable when you smell chemo in their skin and remember that smell from visiting your relative with cancer.

Best advice is extremely simple, and I didn't believe it when everyone told me, which is you're going to need to take this day to day. Sometimes hour to hour or minute to minute. I'd spiral out of control and go to the darkest places within seconds. You have to stop yourself immediately and do something to ground yourself. Keep it simple and do something like name three things you know- your name, where you are, what you're wearing. It helps reset everything.

For your sister- do things for her without her having to ask. Volunteer for stuff. Does she have kids? offer to pick them up from school on Friday and take them for the night. Offer to drive her to chemo or radiation. Go to her house and do her dishes or fold clothes. Cook for her. Do all of this and don't say "whatever you need- just let me know." Just do stuff and if she protests do it anyway.

The things things that were the most helpful were the things that people did without my knowing they were doing it. People started a meal train, began to bring my son to/from school, his friend's family took him home with them every Friday to spend the night, and my sister in law set up a go fund me. We didn't know it was happening until it was halfway to its goal amount.

Play to your strengths when it comes to helping her. What are you good at? Do that for her.

Def bring a meal to her house now. The days when I needed meals or groceries the most were the days when we first found out to her first oncology appointment. I was in a walking coma but still had kids to feed and lunches to make.

All the best to you and your family. I am so sorry for this.

eta- there are going to be times when she's very hard to deal with. Her life and her body are out of her control and that can easily make someone enraged. Just ignore it and be kind. It will be very hard to remain kind but do it nonetheless.