re: Crackpot ASOIAF Theories SPOILERS

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How are the audio books?

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I don't own any, but I have to say the TOJ passage read by Roy Dotrice (sp? - he played the part of the pyromancer on the Blackwater episode) PISSED me off...he swung and missed on two quotes that I just can't get past:

"...Or Aerys would yet sit the Iron Throne, and our false brother..." (sit ON the Iron Throne, he said.) And:

"...and Redwyne bent the knee to pledge us fealty" (bent THEIR KNEES, per Dotrice.)

I'm not being the purist police here, it's just the poetry and flow of the language in that scene is unrivaled in any other book in the series, and to screw with it is like that is just...blasphemy. Besides that, messing up these two common phrases irks me anyway.

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didn't appoint him Hand

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Sigh. I was afraid so...still, Mace had alot to risk, and doing the deed himself doesn't feel right...besides, he's not supposed to be the brightest cookie in the jar.

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i guess the backup plan for Tywin makes sense.

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Well, Varys surely wanted Tywin gone before Aegon landed. If Tyrion failed, he wouldn't get another chance...but he did stick around for Kevan...damn, Varys really cleaned House (Lannister)

some say he is, others say he isn't. my guess is that he's somewhere in the middle and is pushed by his mother

the depth of the subtleties GRRM puts into these books is amazing

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Tywin Lannister: Dead Man Shitting?

“Where will I find my lord father?”

“In the solar with Lord Tyrell and Prince Oberyn.”

Mace Tyrell and the Red Viper breaking bread together? Strange and stranger.

—Jaime and Ser Meryn Trant, upon Jaime’s return to King’s Landing

“Widow’s blood, this one is called, for the color. A cruel potion. It shuts down a man’s bladder and bowels, until he drowns in his own poisons.”

—Grand Maester Pycelle, during Tyrion’s trial

“To be sure, I have much to thank your sister for. If not for her accusation at the feast, it might well be you judging me instead of me judging you.” The prince’s eyes were dark with amusement. “Who knows more of poison than the Red Viper of Dorne, after all?”

[…]

“Your father,” said Prince Oberyn, “may not live forever.”

Something about the way he said it made the hairs on the back of Tyrion’s neck bristle. Suddenly he was mindful of Elia again, and all that Oberyn had said as they crossed the field of ashes. He wants the head that spoke the words, not just the hand that swung the sword. “It is not wise to speak such treasons in the Red Keep, my prince. The little birds are listening.”

“Let them. Is it treason to say a man is mortal? Valar morghulis was how they said it in Valyria of old. All men must die. And the Doom came and proved it true.”

—Prince Oberyn Martell and Tyrion, in Tyrion’s cell

He found his father where he knew he’d find him, seated in the dimness of the privy tower, bedrobe hiked up around his hips.

[…]

For once, his father did what Tyrion asked him. The proof was the sudden stench, as his bowels loosened in the moment of death. Well, he was in the right place for it, Tyrion thought. But the stink that filled the privy gave ample evidence that the oft-repeated jape about his father was just another lie.

Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shite gold.

—from Tyrion’s assassination of Tywin during his escape from the black cells

The King’s Hand was rotting visibly. His face had taken on a greenish tinge, and his eyes were deeply sunken, two black pits. Fissures had opened in his cheeks, and a foul white fluid was seeping through the joints of his splendid gold-and-crimson armor to pool beneath his body.

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Damn. This just blew my mind.

I'm into my reread now. Read this chapter last night, and this dream of Jon's gave me chills. I guess having read all 5 books and knowing what all is to come, I could see the foreshadowing of Winterfell being taken.

Before long he found himself talking of Winterfell.

"Sometimes I dream about it" he said. "I'm walking down this long empty hall. My voice echoes all around, but no one answers, so I walk faster, opening doors, shouting names. I don't even know who I'm looking for. Most nights it's my father, but sometimes it's Robb instead, or my little sister Arya, or my uncle." The thought of Benjen Stark saddened him; his uncle was still missing. The Old Bear had sent out rangers in search of him. Ser Jaremy Rykker had led two sweeps, and Quorin Halfhand had gone forth from the Shadow Tower, but they'd found nothing aside from a few blazes in the trees that his uncle had left to mark his way. In the stony highlands to the northwest, the marks stopped abruptly and all trace of Ben Stark Vanished.

"Do you ever find anyone in your dream?" Sam asked.

Jon shook his head. "No one. The castle is always empty." He had never told anyone of the dream, and he did not understand why he was telling Sam now, yet somehow it felt good to talk of it. "Even the ravens are gone from the rookery, and the stables are full of bones. That always scares me. I start to run then, throwing open doors, climbing the tower three steps at a time, screaming for someone, for anyone. And then I find myself in front of the door to the crypts. It's black inside, and I can see the steps spiraling down. Somehow I know I have to go down there, but I don't want to. I'm afraid of what might be waiting for me. The old Kings of Winter are down there, sitting on their thrones with stone wolves at their feet and iron swords across their laps, but it's not them I'm afraid of. I scream that I'm not a Stark, atht this isn't my place, but it's no good, I have to go anyway, so I start down, feeling the walls as I descend, with no torch to light the way. It gets darker and darker, until I want to scream." He stopped, frowning, embarassed. "That's when I always wake." His skin cold and clammy, shivering in the darkness of his cell. Ghost would leap up beside him, his warmth as comforting as daybreak. He would go back to sleep with his face pressed into the direwolf's shaggy white fur.

Olenna Tyrell (possibly using Margaery) in a plot with littlefinger

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Can't decide if this takes the umph out of the prophecy fulfilled theory or not:

Ser Patrek of King's Mountain

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well he's not a red star

i like how he was ripped apart by giants. very clever

i don't remember the conversation that specifically but i did find this which i think is a likely connection given GRRM's NYG fandom

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And Wun Wun is a "Giant" who kills this allegorical Dallas Cowboy - which I assume is intentional as Martin is a monstrously huge Giants fan. So does Wun Wun's short-form name mean anything? It sounds suspiciously like "One One" and if that is true, the obvious reference there would be Phil Simms, legendary Giants QB with number 11 (a number that is now retired so it cannot refer to any current Giants players).

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