Which brings us to our opponent in this game. They represent the antithesis of all that we hold dear, a once proud program that held on too long to the vestiges of its past, that went through scandal and mismanagement in a series of coaching changes. That in an attempt to rescue their past glory sold their soul to the same charlatan that once patrolled our sidelines. The resurrection was quick, and they have already anointed him as their savior and built monuments to him.

Saturday, November 5, 2011 is being billed as the new “Game of the Century”. What it really is, is a defining moment in the future of LSU and SEC football.

It is now time for every player, coach, alumni and fan that dons the Purple and Gold to take our place – to Occupy Bryant Denny Stadium and make it our own.

Such has been the patient sufferance of the Nation of Purple and Gold; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Standings of the Conference. The history of the University of Alabama is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Embarrassment to the SEC. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world:

They that comprise the fandom are primarily from two distinct yet equally offensive groups. The first is a neo-con faux-elite who refers to the school simply as “University”. Prior to 2007 they were hard to spot as their primary identification with the school on their vehicle was a barely visible, silver-gray “University of Alabama Alumni” license plate cover. Then, little “S – The Coach” stickers began populating the back windows of their SUVs in an obvious attempt at conspicuous consumption. After a win, their vehicles will also be adorned with all sorts of temporary car flags and magnets. The second group is the “dirt road” alumni, who drive around in their beat up pickup trucks and 1984 Chevy Celebrities. Prior to 2007, they were also noted for only being identified by tobacco-stained 1979 National Champion bumper stickers on their cars, but they too added the “S-The Coach” sticker to their back window in the midst of a circle where they cleared the dirt off.

They have subjected the world to the blathering idiot that is Eli Gold, whose nasally voice is an offense to the ears, whose manner of speech seems more suited to talking to children 3-5 years of age, and who seems at any moment will gleefully proclaim that he has “made a warm poopie in his pants”.

They are represented by the ilk of Scott Hunter, a washed-up drunkard of an ex-quarterback and failed sportscaster, who still regales in stories of the 1960s as if they are applicable today.

They have named their radio call in show “Hey Coach”, an apropos yet a sad reminder of the simple-mindedness of their fanbase.

They have propagated the scourge that is houndstooth print on everything.

They have given rise to fans like Chuck Floyd, who once hosted the “My Neck Is Crimson” show where he spouted such unintelligible drivel as “Rolltideroll” and “Getu Sum”

They have a vocabulary crippled to the point that they now gleefully display the profane “RMFT”

They play a song written by a notorious child molester after every win, and in a classless taunt chant “we just beat the hell out of you” - even after they ‘blow a team out’ in overtime or with a blocked field goal against a mediocre opponent on the games’ final play.

They have a fight song that sounds like it should include the words “na-na-na-boo-boo”

They have a chant in Rama Jama that makes Hotty Toddy sound dignified

They constantly feel the need to chide Tiger fans that they “stole our coach” when in fact, the man never would have left LSU for Alabama, and it seems somewhat apparent that he regretted leaving LSU and his choice to go to Alabama was motivated in his own feelings for LSU.

They are coached by the aforementioned Nick Saban, a miserable excuse for a human being who believes that he is bigger than the team, the school and the state, and who flaunts this by redressing reporters in his press conferences, and by publically belittling and humiliating his players.

They, much like maggots, first attempted to live off a dead Bear for almost 30 years, and now have ascribed the same cult-like following to Saban.

They irritate the ears by broadcasting what sounds like a constipated elephant over the loud speakers at Bryant Denny Stadium.

They have Saban’s lapdog, Paul Finebaum, and his legions of callers with “handles” to talk on the radio as if they are in a bad knockoff of Smokey & The Bandit

They have scores of allegedly grown men who wave pom poms.

They have forever ruined the song “Sweet Home, Alabama”.

They create hats with laundry detergent and toilet paper, two products they have otherwise yet to find a use for in the state of Alabama.

They boast about a “million dollar band” that, when adjusted for inflation wouldn’t be worth more than $100 K, and is obviously so tight on funds that they force some members of the dance team to share uniforms.

They have a name, that when said by Vern Lundquist as “Al-uh-bam-uh” makes him even more annoying.

They have given the world Harvey Updyke

They collectively engage in a form of penis envy that makes Texas A&M fans look normal; however, instead of being focused on an another institution as the Aggies are with Texas, they appear to be fixated upon themselves

An Institution whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an Embarrassment, is unfit to be the leader of the SEC.

On Saturday, November 5, 2011 the Purple and Gold Occupation will commence.