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re: Has anyone here dealt with the onset of mental illness with their spouse?

Posted on 1/3/24 at 6:54 pm to
Posted by duckblind56
South of Ellick
Member since Sep 2023
1238 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 6:54 pm to
Meds for the win. Been married for 41 years and without her realizing she had an issue and needed meds (prozac) we wouldn't have made 41 weeks.

Seriously, depression is real, especially with females.
Posted by Happygilmore
Happy Place
Member since Mar 2009
1810 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 7:38 pm to
Multiple spiderman meme.

Good luck man!
Posted by Northshore Aggie
Mandeville
Member since Sep 2022
4777 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 7:44 pm to
quote:

Multiple spiderman meme

Lol what do you mean
Posted by Ghost of Colby
Alberta, overlooking B.C.
Member since Jan 2009
11295 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 7:50 pm to
Don’t try to hide it or protect her. Don’t be embarrassed. Bring in as many friends and family into fold as possible, especially from her side.

Otherwise, you will feel trapped and alone. Help is available and better days are possible, but there isn’t a magic pill or therapy session that will resolve it overnight.
Posted by MyRockstarComplex
The airport
Member since Nov 2009
3360 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 8:24 pm to
quote:

Seriously, depression is real, especially with females.


Why is that the case? Hormones?
Posted by Mid Iowa Tiger
Undisclosed Secure Location
Member since Feb 2008
18731 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 8:40 am to
quote:

Did she go extra crazy after the divorce or did you just realize how nuts she was once you were free?


Really both.

One of the big things I realized almost right away was I am a generally happy person. Over the years she sucked that happiness out of me.

Looking back, when we were dating and every member of her family I met - I mean every, single, one said “you must be super patient” I should have realized it.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67210 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 8:48 am to
My ex wife went through a lot after we were in a car accident. She was seriously injured, and it just wouldn’t heal, eventually requiring surgery and a lot of rehab. She couldn’t use her right arm much, and needed a lot of help being cared for and had to rely on me for almost everything for over a year. As a result, she fell way behind in school and fell into depression.

After she graduated, her career slapped her in the face, and she couldn’t handle it. She started drinking a lot in secret and hiding it. I could tell things were wrong, but she wouldn’t talk about it. I tried to get her to go to therapy or even just talk to her parents, and she refused. She started talking about suicide subtly, then got super abusive, trying to take everything out on me.

I eventually convinced her to get help, and she got through it, quit drinking, changed her job, stopped cutting, made some serious habit changes, and divorced me for the guy she was cheating on me with. No good deeds go unpunished, lol
Posted by duckblind56
South of Ellick
Member since Sep 2023
1238 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 10:11 pm to
Hormones and for some reason, it just seems depression is more prevalent with females. It could be men hide it better, who knows.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67210 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 11:02 pm to
Women get attention and sympathy when they talk about their feelings.

Men get shunned, discarded, and/or disrespected when they talk about theirs.

Men and women commit suicide at similar rates, but men are FAR more likely to succeed.
Posted by killedbyindians
Earth
Member since Jun 2022
1184 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 11:08 pm to
Did you read CAD703X’s thread?
Posted by Shamoan
Member since Feb 2019
9293 posts
Posted on 1/4/24 at 11:29 pm to
quote:

Bitches be cray cray




This post was edited on 1/4/24 at 11:29 pm
Posted by Kmit58
Member since Dec 2020
91 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 1:21 am to
My wife is 65 and has been diagnosed with subcortial dementia. She is adopted so we have no idea of her family background. She is aware of the diagnosis. She's lost almost all independence and cries a lot. She's still safe around the house but I can't take her somewhere and then leave her alone. We have put all of our legal affairs in order. We've been married 40 years and of course we're still together. This is just part of the deal .... in sickness and in health. Two days ago she had a full hip replacement and I'm sitting in a hospital room now at 2 am in the morning making sure she doesn't try to get out of bed. It's hard.
Posted by MonroeTigerstripes
Member since Jul 2016
536 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 7:53 am to
Prayers for you and your wife. Can’t imagine how difficult that is for you
Posted by KCkid
Kansas City, Mo.
Member since Oct 2015
134 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 9:01 am to
All the best to you. Angels on earth.
Posted by bamaguy17
Member since Jul 2022
745 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 9:15 am to
quote:

My ex wife went through a lot after we were in a car accident. She was seriously injured, and it just wouldn’t heal, eventually requiring surgery and a lot of rehab. She couldn’t use her right arm much, and needed a lot of help being cared for and had to rely on me for almost everything for over a year. As a result, she fell way behind in school and fell into depression.

After she graduated, her career slapped her in the face, and she couldn’t handle it. She started drinking a lot in secret and hiding it. I could tell things were wrong, but she wouldn’t talk about it. I tried to get her to go to therapy or even just talk to her parents, and she refused. She started talking about suicide subtly, then got super abusive, trying to take everything out on me.

I eventually convinced her to get help, and she got through it, quit drinking, changed her job, stopped cutting, made some serious habit changes, and divorced me for the guy she was cheating on me with. No good deeds go unpunished, lol



Damn bob, what a wild ride. I hope you are doing well now.
Posted by slutiger5
Parroquias de Florida
Member since May 2007
10657 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 9:43 am to
Every f-en day
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
28571 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 9:46 am to
quote:

her stepdad (had been married to her mom for a decade or so, and wasn't far from leaving her for good) came to my house. We talked for over an hour and he just told me what it was like.

Damn. Good for him to give you the talk. Couldn’t have been an easy decision.
Posted by oogabooga68
Member since Nov 2018
27194 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 9:51 am to
Sorry to hear.

Prayers for you and her.
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
28571 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 10:19 am to
quote:

many people dont even know what BPD is at all. the symptoms can indeed be very covert. it's not that it goes unnoticed, per se, it's that you dont know what the hell is wrong and what is going on in the relationship. you might even think you are the one who is crazy. it's wild man.

The thing with BPD is, it feasts on the well-intentioned and there’s often no escaping it other than literally/physically doing so.

A loving supportive spouse that isn’t aware or knowledgeable about it, or otherwise mentally/emotionally strong, will get torn up, feeling incompetent, worthless, futile, and worse. An a-hole would fare far better dealing with it.
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
28571 posts
Posted on 1/5/24 at 10:31 am to
JFC.
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