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re: Imposter syndrome, anyone have it?
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:44 pm to Sao
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:44 pm to Sao
quote:
So, do you feel like a fraud even while high performing and that's holding you back? Or is the root really that you're afraid to underperform once you're in the higher grade position?
Both. I'm in a sales position at the moment and have been #1 multiple times (roughly 130 guys). Each time I felt like it was a fluke.
Then comes the promotion opportunity, salary and company shares, no sales pressure; all I can think about is why me and what happens to the family of I crash and burn when we're living comfortably right now.
3
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:44 pm to AUbagman
I’ve gotten over it by just realizing everybody is putting on a facade. At least in most job roles. I doubt our VP of Sales is some amazing genius. Our accounting team, likely also feeling the imposter feeling. It doesn’t matter as long as we hit our goals somehow
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:46 pm to AUbagman
quote:
all I can think about is why me and what happens to the family of I crash and burn when we're living comfortably right now.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:47 pm to AUbagman
Have you always had low self-esteem? And no, that's not an insult
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:47 pm to AUbagman
Keep your dick out of your secretary and it sounds like you’ll be fine.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:50 pm to AUbagman
Doesn't sound like you have true imposter syndrome. Sounds like your just a grown man with a rooted family that doesn't like major change.
Imposter syndrome would be if you were continually named/reviewed as a top performer, but you still had anxiety attacks every performance review due to self perception.
Imposter syndrome would be if you were continually named/reviewed as a top performer, but you still had anxiety attacks every performance review due to self perception.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:51 pm to boosiebadazz
quote:
Keep your dick out of your secretary and it sounds like you’ll be fine.
but where's the fun with that?
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:58 pm to AUbagman
quote:
large moves with 3 kids
That’s no small thing. Obviously doable, usually, but it’s tough.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 8:59 pm to Sao
quote:
Have you always had low self-esteem? And no, that's not an insult
Yes, was a chubs in my younger days that was picked on (3rd/4th grade), hit a growth spurt and worked out hard, became desirable to girls and excelled in school, sports, and the military, but the chubby kid mentality didn't leave if I'm being honest.
I still do what it takes to excell, but once I hit that point of fruition of putting in the effort and reaching the goal I have been working towards, I back down.
This post was edited on 11/10/23 at 9:01 pm
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:03 pm to AUbagman
Just say Yes - don’t think about it - deal with the consequences or benefits later.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:11 pm to AUbagman
I’m in a similar situation. Make a large amount of money but not the 7 figure money. Been unwilling to take the big risks. Frankly, happy enough making $250k per year with maximum family time. Still feel a lot of regret for not taking the next steps. I don’t have a good solution man.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:17 pm to LazloHollyfeld
quote:
Just say Yes
Agree. Hey, AU, you consciously know you're both worthy of moving up and that you're the only person holding you back. And why. So, fight the urges and say Yes. Before and after, you likely need a bit of help w a professional to get the self-worth/esteem in check. You've proven your abilities, so no reason to cheat yourself, family and co-workers out of doing so much more. You're not a chubby kid anymore. Work it out w someone. GL
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:21 pm to AUbagman
quote:
I've been high performing my entire life (school, work, athletics), but when promotions come up I tend to start doubting everything, and in the past I've self sabotaged.
I've been offered multiple management positions with the company I work for and keep finding good reasons to turn them down (they all have required large moves with 3 kids).
For anyone that has experienced this (yeah I know, stop being a bitch), how did you overcome it. It's a company that will go public within 3-4 years so I need to get in the position to get shares for a hefty buyout.
I train and manage people as is, it just seems when the immediate prospect of the sole responsibility falling on me I falter internally.
I read this and I thought you were looking into my soul or some shite.
I'm fortunate in that I have the sort of job where I don't need advancement to earn a good living but I've been offered many advancement opportunities over the years, only to refuse them.
A big part of it is I just don't think I have what it takes to be the boss. I'm a good advisor or consultant but not really a leader.
I tend to want to please people more than lead them and wanting people to be happy is just my nature. That's who I am. So I have a tendency to use the word "yes" more than I should.
Well if you decide to pursue leadership, just know this. People want and even crave structure and a measure of discipline. Provide that and they'll stay calm, not stir too much shite and follow along.
It's easy and somewhat lazy minded for me to say that you should simply believe in yourself. Be a bit more practical about it than that.
When you take a leadership role, just remember. It's already been mapped out for you with every policy and procedure you could imagine to address any leadership situation you may encounter. Focus on the left side of your brain, follow the corporate blueprint given to you and you really can't fail.
Once you realize and accept your thinking has been done for you by those you report to. It's all cream cheese.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:34 pm to Sao
quote:
Sao
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:37 pm to AUbagman
Never move for a company. Bitch move. Make them move for you.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:40 pm to Korkstand
Or is the root really that you're afraid to under perform once you're in the higher grade position?"
"The Peter Principle"
The Peter Principle is promoting someone simply to force them to either excel or fail.
"The Peter Principle"
The Peter Principle is promoting someone simply to force them to either excel or fail.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:43 pm to Pandy Fackler
quote:
tend to want to please people more than lead them and wanting people to be happy is just my nature. That's who I am. So I have a tendency to use the word "yes" more than I should.
Mirror image of me. Great explanation.
quote:
When you take a leadership role, just remember. It's already been mapped out for you with every policy and procedure you could imagine to address any leadership situation you may encounter. Focus on the left side of your brain, follow the corporate blueprint given to you and you really can't fail.
100% true. What I did leave out is my best friend is a national manager, which obviously makes this worse, but I think it adds the dynamic of wanting to be positive of myself so I don't let him down. He preaches to me it's just business and just play the part until you get a buyout.
But yeah, you and I are very much alike.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:45 pm to AUbagman
A guy in my office had it. Ended up committing suicide over it when he was put over a team for a project because he didn’t think he could cut it.
Probably didn’t help that the contractor he worked for has a nasty habit of working people like a slave during crunch times, as at least one other person who worked for them out of our office killed themself and others quit because they couldn’t take the stress, such as working 70-80 weeks while their wife was stuck in an unfamiliar town with no one they knew.
Probably didn’t help that the contractor he worked for has a nasty habit of working people like a slave during crunch times, as at least one other person who worked for them out of our office killed themself and others quit because they couldn’t take the stress, such as working 70-80 weeks while their wife was stuck in an unfamiliar town with no one they knew.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:46 pm to AUbagman
I sort of am an imposter because I have to pretend I have any real interest in, much less love and passion for, what I do. I know I am good at it but don’t have the desire to take it to some other level.
There are a few careers/arenas where I know I would do that, but I’ve waited too long to switch, I’m afraid.
There are a few careers/arenas where I know I would do that, but I’ve waited too long to switch, I’m afraid.
Posted on 11/10/23 at 9:53 pm to AUbagman
I have been offered numerous management positions and have turned them down because I have zero desire to be a manager.
I can barely tolerate working with idiots, I have no desire to be responsible for their performance.
Besides, in my profession we make more than the managers.
I can barely tolerate working with idiots, I have no desire to be responsible for their performance.
Besides, in my profession we make more than the managers.
This post was edited on 11/10/23 at 9:56 pm
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