re: A friend of mine is getting disowned by some family members for divorcing wife that

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So they will either learn that their father’s love & respect is conditional on their appearance or they will learn that the only people who have a certain appearance are valuable and worthy of their love and respect.

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A lot of people in here are making assumptions that this is all about appearances only. Maybe it is, but we don't know.

When I first met my wife, she was on the thick side. I dated her because I found her attractive and liked her personality. I found out her dad pushed her abusively hard in high school athletics causing her to have some poor binge eating habits, and when she no longer competed she gained weight. Once I witnessed these habits I was alarmed and brought them to her attention as being damaging. I helped her get to the root of her issues and she has been a slim woman ever since then.

I would never have left her over her looks -- after all, I met her that way and fell in love with her that way -- but had she continued to binge eat in unhealthy ways I would have lost respect for her, and been unwilling to commit to marriage with someone unable to free herself from such a condition of self-harming habits. It wouldn't be over "appearances", it'd be over behaviors.

The woman described in the OP is said to be 100lbs overweight. That doesn't just happen. We obviously don't have all of the facts here, but it is entirely within the realm of reason that the woman's weight problems are the result of a series of poor behaviors. If I am her husband and I continue to watch her engage in unhealthy eating behaviors, and I continue to plea with her to lose weight, and still I witness her make the same poor choices, I can easily see losing enthusiasm and morale in our relationship. Believe me when I say it's a boner killer to witness someone eat with a spoon out of a jar of cake frosting. And I don't think that is unfair to feel that way. It's hard to commit all of your effort and energy into a relationship with someone else when they won't put forth all of their effort and energy in response.