In case it needs repeating…

Every year!!!!!!
The season begins in a few weeks so here is my normal disclaimer.
I’m not sorry if this offends anyone, football season is upon us and this is just fair warning. . .Since the football countdown is under one month, I guess it's time to mention the pre-college football season warnings. None of these are meant to be a personal attack, but each of you have been warned.
1. I will NOT attend ANYTHING past noon on Saturdays unless you have NCAA football on a television.
1a: Television must be a minimum of 46" diagonal with a minimum resolution of 1080p. Events containing ultra-high definition televisions within a direct line of sight will take priority over those that do not.
1b. Events with LSU football take priority over all other events, regardless of TV size and definition.
1c. Events with SEC football will take priority over all other events except 1b.
2. I will be high strung, loud, and obnoxious if you are around me while LSU is playing. Things may/may not be thrown. If any of your belongings are damaged I will repair/replace them, but I will not care until after the post-game analysis.
3. I will wear PURPLE on Friday and Saturday. *No exceptions*
4. If you somehow coerce me into attending an event by having all of the prerequisites listed in (1) above, be aware that I will chant GEAUX TIGERS wherever I am and anytime I want.
4a. In the event that GEAUX TIGERS begins during a prayer, I will patiently wait until the prayer is complete before picking up the chant. After all, Jesus was a LSUTiger.
5. Weddings are for bye weeks. It's not my fault you are starting your married life proving to everyone you are a horrible planner. I won't be there but I will wish you the best of luck as soon as the game is over.
5b. *As soon as the game and the post game show are over*
6. In the event that we are watching a game together, and you are not a LSU fan, you will not cheer against LSU and I will not cheer against your crappy team. This rule can be confusing to some, but it is explained by saying that you can make positive statements for your team while not making negative cheers against LSU.
Example for (6) above: "We need a turnover. Come on (insert your team's name here), get the ball back. We need an interception. This statement is fine.
"He will fumble or throw an interception soon. He sucks." This statement will not be fine, and could result in injury.
7. If you try be cute or funny and dress my DOG* in your teams colors on Saturday I will spray paint your face PURPLE and I will not warn you to close your eyes before I do it.
Thanks for understanding everyone.
GEAUX TIGERS!!!