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re: Give me your best dad joke

Posted on 8/7/23 at 9:57 pm to
Posted by East Coast Band
Member since Nov 2010
64410 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 9:57 pm to
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.

I said it must be my weekend immune system.
Posted by yakster
Member since Mar 2021
1862 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:03 pm to
Guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. Bartender says I’ll serve you but don’t try and start anything.
Posted by Eighteen
Member since Dec 2006
35285 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:31 pm to
Two peanuts were walking alone down a dark alley.

One was a salted.
Posted by Eighteen
Member since Dec 2006
35285 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:35 pm to
I have a lot of Elevator jokes I keep on hand. They work on a lot of levels.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five beers, please”

You’ll never starve in the desert because of all the sand which is there

Indoor fish tanks have a calming effect on your brain...because of all the indoor fins

Everytime I ask what LGBTQX stands for, I never get a straight answer

Did you know dogs can’t operate MRI machines? But cats can

Oh Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah he woke up eventually

Did you hear about the new poll that came out about the Dwarves? Turns out 6 out of 7 weren’t happy

Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France? Yeah, it was actually cooked in Greece

What did Yoda say when he first saw Star Wars in HD? HDMI

Did I tell you about the time I burned my Hawaiian pizza? I should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature

Do you know the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi? (both in United Arab Emirates) People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do

Do you know the actual definition of a will? Oh cmon it’s a dead giveaway

I asked my North Korean friend how it was living there. He said he couldn't complain...

One time my friend threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said what the Hellman

Did you know they banned the orchestra from Public TV? Had too much sax and violins

One of my friends was balding so he went to the dollar store and grabbed a wig. It was a small price toupee
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 10:38 pm
Posted by GasMan
north Mississippi
Member since Sep 2003
1151 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:55 pm to
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!

Why did the blonde nurse always carry a red sharpie?
In case she had to draw blood!

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
Posted by Eighteen
Member since Dec 2006
35285 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 8:44 am to
Had to quit my construction job a few days ago. I put in my too weak notice
Posted by LanierSpots
Sarasota, Florida
Member since Sep 2010
64259 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 8:47 am to
Pull my finger
Posted by Belaire Buck
Not in Bama
Member since Nov 2011
107 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 3:04 pm to
quote:

What do you call a deer without eyes?

- no eye deer

What do you call a deer with without legs and eyes?

- still no eye deer



For when the kids get older or you just DGAF:

What do you call a deer with without legs, eyes, and gentelia?

- still no f*cking eye deer
Posted by Wraytex
San Antonio - Gonzales
Member since Jun 2020
2451 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 3:18 pm to
Due to the recession Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig were laid off from acting and subsequently turned to crime. They hit several gas stations before hitting a warehouse full of liquor one night. As they loaded the getaway vehicle at the warehouse, Porky asked: "I-i-isn't th-this w-whiskey? Elmer replied: "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank...."
Posted by Sus-Scrofa
Member since Feb 2013
8832 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 3:24 pm to
If they haven’t heard it before, the knock knock interrupting cow joke is always a winner.
Posted by Shanegolang
Denham Springs, La
Member since Sep 2015
3928 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 4:14 pm to
A Mexican train derailed today. Detectives found no suspects but suspect there were locomotives.
Posted by cajuntiger1010
Member since Jan 2015
10721 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 4:41 pm to
Anytime someone says they are cold in a room……

“Go stand in the corner.. it’s about 90 degrees”
Posted by yakster
Member since Mar 2021
1862 posts
Posted on 8/8/23 at 4:45 pm to
A guy is walking down the sidewalk and passes by the insane asylum which is surrounded by a large wooden fence. He hears them yelling on the other side 12!12!12!. He walks a little further and comes to a peephole in the fence and peeks inside. When he does he gets poked in the eye with a stick. Then he hears 13! 13! 13!
Posted by tss22h8
30.4 N 90.9 W
Member since Jan 2007
18747 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 7:45 pm to
Politics and the milk business are pretty much alike.
They both depend on the amount of pull you have.

Did you ever hear of a cow that just gives buttermilk?
What else can a cow give buttermilk?
Posted by Tomatocantender
Boot
Member since Jun 2021
5040 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 7:51 pm to
How does the mermaid wash her fin?



with Tide
Posted by FightinTigersDammit
Louisiana North
Member since Mar 2006
37255 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 8:22 pm to
So, this dyslexic walks into a bra...
Posted by CAD703X
Liberty Island
Member since Jul 2008
82072 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 8:31 pm to
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
127369 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 8:33 pm to
Did you hear about the man crushed by 10000 cheese wheels?

There's Stiltons of DeBrie on him
Posted by TigerFred
Feeding hamsters
Member since Aug 2003
27416 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 8:33 pm to
I do not find that funny!
Posted by CAD703X
Liberty Island
Member since Jul 2008
82072 posts
Posted on 9/19/23 at 8:36 pm to
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