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Message
How to politely tell a neighbor you're done helping them
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:41 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:41 pm
Long story short, we've got neighbors that moved to Hill Country almost 3 years ago. The husband doesn't know how to do anything electrical or mechanical.
In the last year I've put in knobs on all their kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hanged multiple televisions, put together their outdoor furniture and fireplace, put together a new bed frame, installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, watched their two huge dogs for weeks at a time, etc.
I've been as neighborly as I possibly could, yet this weekend has got me to my breaking point. His wife is pregnant so she doesn't want to use the neighborhood pool so he bought a 14 foot one to put on his concrete slab so she can enjoy the water this summer. I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Well, I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30. Not a text asking for assistance, just when they would be home. I went over and helped as I always do, but my patience is wearing thin.
I've got three kids of my own and I'm tired of helping them out at every turn. How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
In the last year I've put in knobs on all their kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hanged multiple televisions, put together their outdoor furniture and fireplace, put together a new bed frame, installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, watched their two huge dogs for weeks at a time, etc.
I've been as neighborly as I possibly could, yet this weekend has got me to my breaking point. His wife is pregnant so she doesn't want to use the neighborhood pool so he bought a 14 foot one to put on his concrete slab so she can enjoy the water this summer. I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Well, I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30. Not a text asking for assistance, just when they would be home. I went over and helped as I always do, but my patience is wearing thin.
I've got three kids of my own and I'm tired of helping them out at every turn. How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
38
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:45 pm to TideSaint
quote:
and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Quit offering to help.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:51 pm to TideSaint
Feign diarrhea.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:53 pm to TideSaint
quote:
I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
quote:
I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30
That’s just good communication on their part.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 7:54 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:17 pm to TideSaint
I do the same for my adult kids. But they're family.
I'd just let them know you're busy, tired, or not interested.
Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do. – Henry Ford
I'd just let them know you're busy, tired, or not interested.
Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do. – Henry Ford
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:19 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
You don't have a friendship. You are being used.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:26 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
"Look dude, I have a family. You've been mooching for years and you haven't learned shite. Figure it out yourself."
If he's really a friend than no way that would ruin a friendship.
You shouldn't be doing anything for him. He should be trying himself and learning. If he's such a lazy no count frick that he will just watch some other dude do work on his house for him for free, frick him. He ain't worth having as a friend.
I'm not God's gift to hospitality by anybodys definition, but there's no way in frick I would a friend come do work on my house without me doing the grunt work and them drinking beer and teaching.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 8:29 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:37 pm to TideSaint
Text him a task rabbit link...
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:38 pm to TideSaint
What do you get out of the relationship?
For example, I help my older neighbors out with projects fairly often but they constantly bring over food, baked goods, call and ask if we need things from the store, etc.
For example, I help my older neighbors out with projects fairly often but they constantly bring over food, baked goods, call and ask if we need things from the store, etc.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 8:39 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:55 pm to TideSaint
Tell him you are thinking of starting a handy man business on the side and ask what he thinks a good hourly rate would be
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:08 pm to TideSaint
quote:I don’t think you have to do anything harsh or rude (yet). You just need to be prepared to beg off the next 10 or 12 times he is in need, and not with any elaborate excuses.
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
“Oh, sorry, I promised the kids I’d spend time with them.”
“Working on the ‘honey do list.”
“Dude, so sorry, I am really tired.”
“Hey, I’ve got plans. Another time.”
“Saturday night? Sorry, I have to wash my hair.”
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:55 pm to TideSaint
Just stop doing things for him. If he’s not taking it upon himself to learn anything while you’re doing all of this then he’s useless.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 10:26 pm to TideSaint
Is he handicap? If not, tell him to
Get on YouTube next time he realizes he isn’t man enough to do something.
Get on YouTube next time he realizes he isn’t man enough to do something.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 11:03 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over
Quit doing this
quote:
told him to let me know if he needs help.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 11:08 pm to TideSaint
Tell him to YouTube whatever he wants to work on.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 11:43 pm to TideSaint
quote:
In the last year I've put in knobs on all their kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hanged multiple televisions, put together their outdoor furniture and fireplace, put together a new bed frame, installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, watched their two huge dogs for weeks at a time, etc
I can understand installing light fixtures and fans (although it's ludicrous to expect a neighbor to come do it for free). That's daunting for anybody that's never done it, and not a good idea anyway if you don't know what you're doing around electricity.
But for God's sake, he can't put together some furniture and bed frames? Like we're not talking about building furniture from scratch, right? He can't read some instructions from ikea and use the supplied Allen wrench to screw a few pieces together? I know not everyone's handy, but good God, man. Does he need help cutting his grass too?
Posted on 5/29/22 at 12:26 am to TideSaint
Just tactfully tell him that your kids are starting to ask why you are gone so much.
Posted on 5/29/22 at 2:19 am to TideSaint
You messed up when you did more than wave and nod.
Posted on 5/29/22 at 4:45 am to TideSaint
Learn how to say, "No." It's difficult for a lot of people to say no without thinking they're being rude, but it's better to politely decline than do something while harboring resentment.
Hey man, can you give me a hand with putting together this patio furniture?
No.
Oh, okay, tomorrow maybe?
"No." Then, politely wave bye and go inside.
Hey man, can you give me a hand with putting together this patio furniture?
No.
Oh, okay, tomorrow maybe?
"No." Then, politely wave bye and go inside.
Posted on 5/29/22 at 6:21 am to TideSaint
Tell him you are quarantining every time he asks.
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