This Kevin Keegan parody Twitter account is solid

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@GalacticKeegan I was chuffed for Virgil van Dijk scoring against Spurs. I said to him, "your grandad, Dick, would be proud. And he was a cracking sweeper."

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Nothing winds me up more than spoilers. I was halfway through watching Jaws when Lee Clark said "the shark did it." We haven't spoken since.

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I told Bob Bradley, “over here we call it football, not soccer.” He said, “pipe down, a-hole.” I said, “over here we call them arseholes.”

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At Newcastle, Ant & Dec used to help my players decorate their houses at Christmas. I said, "Ant, you do the living rooms; Dec, the halls."

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