Sperm whale attributes its weight loss to President Trump's reign

So she is only a deuce and a half now?

Well......my dick is purely for show now

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Like it's been said, Trump was able to get more fat women out walking in a day than Michael, I mean Michelle, Obama was in 8 years. They should all be grateful instead of whining.

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I noticed so many fat women in those marches. They must not be vegetarian. Hopefully they will march 50 miles for the next carbon pollution, I mean global warming meeting. I mean ice age. Wait, climate change. Geez, they change it up so often I can't keep up.

But please remember, cow poop was the latest theory on..... Climate something or another. Actually, lets be honest here. In the 1970's we were indeed headed for an ice age. Farmers with cattle saved us because cow poop warmed us up. I'd personally like to thank our cattle guys for my life. Now we are warming the shite up. Feeling hot anyone?

Of course in the early 1800's we warmed up good. There weren't any automobiles or aircraft (not to say Al Gore isn't an alien and left his personal carbon print on earth at the time in his spaceship).

But I have my own theory which is as good as any. BEER! That's right, we drink a shite load of beer and we all know what happens later after that fuel passes through the body - beer farts.

That's right, beer drinkers are actually responsible for the decline of our planet. Feel bad yet? Well, you should.

My study suggests that the total global warming emissions from one Superbowl weekend of beer gas is equivalent to 5 years hot air from Al Gore. This means we will burn alive by 2022.

I try to pay my carbon offsets everytime I fly at the airport kiosk which Al Gore set up. Not sure it does much but I always feel better convincing myself I made some difference.

I used to cup my farts and put them in my little brothers face. Ever done that? Had no idea I was killing the planet. Today I bag them and zip loc them and as a responsible flatulence offender and mail them to the GCEP
(Governmental Carbon Elimination Plant) and I do feel as if I am making a difference.

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“Donald Trump became president and I stopped being able to eat food,”

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Excellent...now give up water as well and in a few weeks...problem solved for the rest of the sane world!!

I said it better lol

That's one thing I really didn't need to see.