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Started By
Message
re: Wife had a miscarriage..This sucks
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:22 pm to Leonard Threenette
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:22 pm to Leonard Threenette
Here's the thing. Despite what the doctor says, she will think it is her fault. It is not. And if you ever make her think that, you are worthless (not saying you will just make sure you don't). She will need time.
Remember the date of the DNC and the expecting due date. On those two days for the next few years, she will be upset. She might also get upset if you don't remember. Write those dates down and buy her flowers or something. If she asks why on those days, just say just because and not bring it up. But she will know.
You are her best friend. You need to be even more so. Step it up a notch. Yes, you lost a baby as well and will be sad... but this is the time to make sure it's about her and not you. That doesn't mean you can't be sad, because you should be. Be open about it, but don't make it about you. Give her everything she needs and asks for in the next few weeks.
Seek Counselling if needed. Do not be ashamed to go.
And finally.. do not be afraid to try again. Just make sure it is on her time and not yours.
I know TL:DR
Remember the date of the DNC and the expecting due date. On those two days for the next few years, she will be upset. She might also get upset if you don't remember. Write those dates down and buy her flowers or something. If she asks why on those days, just say just because and not bring it up. But she will know.
You are her best friend. You need to be even more so. Step it up a notch. Yes, you lost a baby as well and will be sad... but this is the time to make sure it's about her and not you. That doesn't mean you can't be sad, because you should be. Be open about it, but don't make it about you. Give her everything she needs and asks for in the next few weeks.
Seek Counselling if needed. Do not be ashamed to go.
And finally.. do not be afraid to try again. Just make sure it is on her time and not yours.
I know TL:DR
2
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:23 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
I guess the only thing I can do is to be there for her.
and be patient. This likely isn't something she'll get over in a couple of weeks or even a couple of months.
This post was edited on 1/28/15 at 4:24 pm
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:23 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
That sucks, but don't post this shite here. There are some things that should remain personal between your loved ones.
This is an anonymous forum. The topic matter is not easily discussed in public, despite being a rather common issue. Many people feel like there's something wrong with them, and they don't know how to express their feelings or even tell anyone.
The OP feels pretty bad himself, I'd imagine. I know I did. It's a lousy feeling, and not something both the man and the wife experience in the same way, so it can also be confusing. Be caring, be there, and give it time.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:27 pm to Leonard Threenette
We had a miscarriage with our first pregnancy. Very upsetting especially for women because they question if they'll ever have children. My advice, try again as soon as possible. We got pregnant 6 months later and now have a healthy beautiful 2 yr old daughter and a son on the way this year!
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:28 pm to sportsaddit68
quote:
Write those dates down and buy her flowers or something. If she asks why on those days, just say just because and not bring it up. But she will know. You are her best friend. You need to be even more so. Step it up a notch.
This post was edited on 1/28/15 at 4:30 pm
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:33 pm to Shexter
We had a miscarriage with our first. Went in around 12 weeks. They couldn't find a heartbeat and sent us down to ultrasound. I still see the images of nothing. There was absolutely nothing in there. Doc said it most likely happened between 2-5 weeks and it got absorbed into the wall. My wife has a baby footprint tattoo on her foot with a halo on it. We refer to the baby as Embry. We now have two very awesome sons.
My advice is based on things I did wrong and things I did well to help her.
My advice is based on things I did wrong and things I did well to help her.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:33 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
That sucks, but don't post this shite here. There are some things that should remain personal between your loved ones.
Its an anonymous board dumbass. The OP is very confused and is looking for advice on how to comfort his wife. How many threads are started here about divorce, custody battles, and health problems.. a lot.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:34 pm to Leonard Threenette
Sorry for your loss.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:35 pm to Leonard Threenette
Was there less than a year ago. It sucks very bad. Just be there for each other. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better
Prayers
Prayers
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:36 pm to Leonard Threenette
why do you have the need to tell this to a bunch of strangers on the internet?
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:36 pm to Leonard Threenette
Sorry to hear about that. At least she didn't have to get a d&c done bc of a missed miscarriage
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:38 pm to sportsaddit68
quote:
Here's the thing. Despite what the doctor says, she will think it is her fault. It is not. And if you ever make her think that, you are worthless (not saying you will just make sure you don't). She will need time.
Remember the date of the DNC and the expecting due date. On those two days for the next few years, she will be upset. She might also get upset if you don't remember. Write those dates down and buy her flowers or something. If she asks why on those days, just say just because and not bring it up. But she will know.
You are her best friend. You need to be even more so. Step it up a notch. Yes, you lost a baby as well and will be sad... but this is the time to make sure it's about her and not you. That doesn't mean you can't be sad, because you should be. Be open about it, but don't make it about you. Give her everything she needs and asks for in the next few weeks.
Seek Counselling if needed. Do not be ashamed to go.
And finally.. do not be afraid to try again. Just make sure it is on her time and not yours.
I know TL:DR
Wow. Thanks for that.
Seriously.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:41 pm to MasCervezas
quote:
why do you have the need to tell this to a bunch of strangers on the internet?
He's gotten real advice and answers from people who have been there. (By the way the OP feels very upset himself). When you tell your friend about it, you simply believe they're being biased and saying things will be okay just because they're your friends. The OP is looking for successful stories after a miscarriage to ease his own worry and his wife's.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:41 pm to Leonard Threenette
I feel you man, My wife has had 2 ectopic pregnancies over the last 5 months. If you dont know what that is, they had to cut the baby out of the tube because it didnt reach the uterus like it should have. It has been really rough on her. i was pretty strong until after the 2nd surgery, she woke up and immediately started crying. she said "we have 2 babies in Heaven."
I would say, like many others here, just let her cry, talk, scream, etc. It will take time and she will have good days and bad days. I think the only thing that will really do it for us is when we finally have our first child. Good luck man. You guys arent alone.
I would say, like many others here, just let her cry, talk, scream, etc. It will take time and she will have good days and bad days. I think the only thing that will really do it for us is when we finally have our first child. Good luck man. You guys arent alone.
This post was edited on 1/28/15 at 4:56 pm
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:44 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
Any other advice?
quote:
Not take it to this board.
Weird some people feel the need to post this kind of information on here.
Sorry for your loss but still do not understand why you came here.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:44 pm to Leonard Threenette
I had one before my first child and two before my second child.
To echo everyone else, be there for her - especially as a "screener".
My husband was awesome in keeping well meaning but super aggravating family from being all up in my business.
I found out later he kept his mom from coming up and staying with us because he knew that even though I love his mom, I wouldn't want her in our home during that time. The only people I wanted to be around were him, my parents, and my sister.
One thing that was really hard for me was to be around pregnant women. I felt like I was being unfair and irrational but it really hurt to see pregnant women for a while. I would think I was fine and then I would go to a party and see a friend who was pregnant and I would get super sad.
I have two teenagers now and my first miscarriage was almost 17 years ago but I sometimes still think about what that baby would have been like now.
To echo everyone else, be there for her - especially as a "screener".
My husband was awesome in keeping well meaning but super aggravating family from being all up in my business.
I found out later he kept his mom from coming up and staying with us because he knew that even though I love his mom, I wouldn't want her in our home during that time. The only people I wanted to be around were him, my parents, and my sister.
One thing that was really hard for me was to be around pregnant women. I felt like I was being unfair and irrational but it really hurt to see pregnant women for a while. I would think I was fine and then I would go to a party and see a friend who was pregnant and I would get super sad.
I have two teenagers now and my first miscarriage was almost 17 years ago but I sometimes still think about what that baby would have been like now.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:45 pm to Winkface
quote:
Let her talk. Listen. Be encouraging. Hold her. Let her cry. Tell her how you're feeling. If she doesn't want to get out of bed for a day or two, it's fine. After that, try to get her to go sit outside or something. Just be with her as much as you can. She didn't do anything wrong although she most likely feels that way. It might help if she tells some people. She'll be shocked by how many other women have gone through it but don't talk about it. It sucks. Good luck.
This...
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:45 pm to purpleleaf
so who is the butthurt poster that has downvoted every post in this thread?
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:47 pm to ashy larry
quote:
so who is the butthurt poster that has downvoted every post in this thread?
was just wondering that myself.
Posted on 1/28/15 at 4:47 pm to Leonard Threenette
quote:
I kind of feel helpless because I can't fix this, but I guess the only thing I can do is to be there for her.
I've never been through this, but remember that you are a party to this as well. Don't hide your sadness. She probably will do much better with someone sharing the grief vs. someone who is just there to support her.
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