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Started By
Message
OT Parents- Battle of Wills advice
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:08 am
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:08 am
I'll preface this by saying I work with elementary aged children everyday and see first hand quite often how spoiled, rude, and disrespectful some of them can be even at such a young age. I say that because I don't know how affects (positively or negatively) my own parenting but it does make me want to do everything I can to ensure my child is not like that.
Anyway, my little turned two a couple of months ago so of course she is starting to test her limits, have an attitude, pitch fits now and again. On the whole she is still incredibly sweet but when these moments occur what's the best way to handle the situation.
Example: Yesterday she was mad about having to get dressed instead of being able to stay in her pajamas and she grabbed a ruler out of a basket and threw it across the room. After telling her firmly to pick the ruler up to which she frankly replied "No, I don't want to" I snatched her up and sat her in her timeout chair and sat with her making sure she didn't get up until she picked up the ruler. After about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like 2 hours) of crying about it she finally got up and picked the ruler up.
So did I win or is that too long to make an early 2 year old upset like that? What have you guys found is most effective at making your kids respectful and obedient without being a harsh tyrant?
Anyway, my little turned two a couple of months ago so of course she is starting to test her limits, have an attitude, pitch fits now and again. On the whole she is still incredibly sweet but when these moments occur what's the best way to handle the situation.
Example: Yesterday she was mad about having to get dressed instead of being able to stay in her pajamas and she grabbed a ruler out of a basket and threw it across the room. After telling her firmly to pick the ruler up to which she frankly replied "No, I don't want to" I snatched her up and sat her in her timeout chair and sat with her making sure she didn't get up until she picked up the ruler. After about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like 2 hours) of crying about it she finally got up and picked the ruler up.
So did I win or is that too long to make an early 2 year old upset like that? What have you guys found is most effective at making your kids respectful and obedient without being a harsh tyrant?
17
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:09 am to RandySavage
quote:As a father of a 4 year old girl, you nailed it.
Example: Yesterday she was mad about having to get dressed instead of being able to stay in her pajamas and she grabbed a ruler out of a basket and threw it across the room. After telling her firmly to pick the ruler up to which she frankly replied "No, I don't want to" I snatched her up and sat her in her timeout chair and sat with her making sure she didn't get up until she picked up the ruler. After about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like 2 hours) of crying about it she finally got up and picked the ruler up.
I'm of the opinion that kids need to learn things the hard way. I'll be more than happy to put up with a 15 minute tantrum for one day because that means they will start to dwindle and you will break them. But remember, these little shits are smarter than you think.
This post was edited on 3/5/14 at 11:12 am
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:11 am to RandySavage
she will hate you for life bro, this is what causes daddy issues.
prayers sent
prayers sent
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:12 am to RandySavage
What you did is perfect.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:12 am to RandySavage
Sounds like you did good to me!
eta - If you wanted to add to it, make sure she understood exactly why she had to sit there.
eta - If you wanted to add to it, make sure she understood exactly why she had to sit there.
This post was edited on 3/5/14 at 11:15 am
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:13 am to RandySavage
An hour in the snake pit usually improves their behavior
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:14 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
I'm of the opinion that kids need to learn things the hard way. I'll be more than happy to put up with a 15 minute tantrum for one day
Yea, they are hard but if it's the best thing to do for the long term it's definitely worth doing it. It's just hard to know how discipline a kid who doesn't totally understand reason yet.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:15 am to RandySavage
Let her pick which one she wants --
This post was edited on 3/5/14 at 11:16 am
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:15 am to RandySavage
Textbook move - congrats on being mature about it. When I was a young parent, I probably would have swatted that butt and showed more violence than necessary. The "ruler" would have gotten picked up in much less than 15 minutes, but not the best parenting style.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:16 am to RandySavage
It sounds as though you handled it well. The most important thing is to remain calm and stick to your rules even when they are screaming. Sooner or later they will get the idea that screaming gets them nowhere. Never, EVER give in to a child who is whining or throwing a tantrum. That will just teach them that such behavior works and this is where, IMO, most parents of kids with behavior issues fail.
Oh, and my kids are both in their 20s now but even in high school they were known as the kids who couldn't get mom or dad to change their minds by whining. :)
Oh, and my kids are both in their 20s now but even in high school they were known as the kids who couldn't get mom or dad to change their minds by whining. :)
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:16 am to RandySavage
Parent of two daughters here: Yes you nailed it. I don't see a two year old as having an "attitude". She's just being two. You'll both go through"the terrible twos" and your firm guidance will serve her well.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:17 am to RandySavage
quote:
Example: Yesterday she was mad about having to get dressed instead of being able to stay in her pajamas and she grabbed a ruler out of a basket and threw it across the room. After telling her firmly to pick the ruler up to which she frankly replied "No, I don't want to" I snatched her up and sat her in her timeout chair and sat with her making sure she didn't get up until she picked up the ruler. After about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like 2 hours) of crying about it she finally got up and picked the ruler up.
That is good as long as it is consistent, that's the hard part. However, the time it takes for them to understand that you're not going anywhere will get shorter and shorter over time. Just don't give up and be consistent!
Also, don't ever, EVER do the counting thing. I cringe when I hear parents doing this. All it does is tell the kid "you have 3 more seconds to continue disobeying me". It's awful.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:18 am to RebelOP
quote:Very good point. Make her tell you why she is or will be punished.
eta - If you wanted to add to it, make sure she understood exactly why she had to sit there.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:21 am to RandySavage
quote:
and sat with her
Shouldn't have sat with her. Timeout is supposed to be solitary.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:21 am to OldSouth
quote:
Also, don't ever, EVER do the counting thing. I cringe when I hear parents doing this. All it does is tell the kid "you have 3 more seconds to continue disobeying me". It's awful.
Yea this is hard not to do but I totally agree with it. I never do the counting thing.
My wife sometimes will do the "you're about to go to timeout" or "you're about to get a spanking" thing but say it like 20 times before actually doing anything. I've had to say something to her about many times but she is getting better.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:23 am to SG_Geaux
quote:
Shouldn't have sat with her. Timeout is supposed to be solitary.
Normally I would agree but she doesn't mind sitting there if you leave her alone. It has no effect.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:23 am to RandySavage
quote:Kids don't understand reason. They do understand authority, or who they trust. And they also understand consistency and structure.
Yea, they are hard but if it's the best thing to do for the long term it's definitely worth doing it. It's just hard to know how discipline a kid who doesn't totally understand reason yet.
I'm not a child psychiatrist, but I do have a four year old and I've been there. And my little one is by no means an angel 24/7, she still pitches a mean fit. But she doesn't get away with murder and she definitely doesn't always get her way. Because I'm the goddamn boss first, dad second, friend last.
This post was edited on 3/5/14 at 11:26 am
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:24 am to RandySavage
I think you handled this perfectly. The key is being consistent imo.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:25 am to Breaux
quote:
The key is being consistent imo
Good point.
At first, when she first started having them, they were easier to brush off or excuse but as they are becoming more frequent I realize it's definitely time to buckle down and nip it in the bud. As much as possible anyway.
Posted on 3/5/14 at 11:27 am to RandySavage
Not really related but I saw a teacher of mine from grade school yesterday and thanked her for keeping my arse in line. She was the only one who would snatch my ear and drag me around.
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