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Annual The Office Quotes Thread
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:04 pm
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:04 pm
Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
9
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:09 pm to Memphis
I..... DECLARE..... BANKRUPTCY!!!
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:12 pm to Memphis
Michael Scott: Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:14 pm to ell_13
Jim: Um, well, we are all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. Fight... Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, I'm coming, fight...
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:17 pm to Memphis
Pam: There is a master key and a spare key for the office... Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:20 pm to xenythx
Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!
Posted on 7/27/13 at 1:59 pm to Memphis
Michael: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 2:11 pm to Memphis
This one is still my favorite
Dwight Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
Dwight Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 2:56 pm to Tactical1
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 3:12 pm to Memphis
I can't find the exact quote but I love when Michael is considering who to promote and he's like "Dwight is a great salesman, a good friend, and an excellent employee. On the other hand...he is an idiot"
Posted on 7/27/13 at 3:13 pm to Memphis
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 3:15 pm to Memphis
"Myth: rabies kills three people every year. Fact: rabies kills four people every year."
Posted on 7/27/13 at 6:02 pm to beaverfever
Michael: What do I put for 'Reason for visit'?
Jim: Concussion.
[Michael crosses something off]
Jim: What did you write?
Michael: Nothing... I wrote, 'Bringing someone to the hospital.'
Jim: So, you thought it meant your reason for visit.
Michael: No, Jim- this isn't about me anymore.
Jim: Concussion.
[Michael crosses something off]
Jim: What did you write?
Michael: Nothing... I wrote, 'Bringing someone to the hospital.'
Jim: So, you thought it meant your reason for visit.
Michael: No, Jim- this isn't about me anymore.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 6:45 pm to Memphis
quote:
Michael: Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And... I have a great one [types]. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 8:27 pm to UMRealist
Michael: OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 8:44 pm to UMRealist
Michael: OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 8:44 pm to UMRealist
Michael: OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 8:44 pm to Memphis
I was hoping one of these threads would pop up. I have been rewatching and I heard this one from Michael
quote:
I have been saying the word manager a lot. So whenever Jo thinks manager she thinks of me. Camel Cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel, by making him look like a penis. I can't even go near a cigarette now, without thinking of a penis, and vice versa.
Posted on 7/27/13 at 10:29 pm to LSU_CRAIGERS
quote:
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
I just re watched the series a few weeks ago. When I got to this, I fricking died. The delivery is just so money
This post was edited on 7/27/13 at 10:30 pm
Posted on 7/27/13 at 10:32 pm to LSUSoulja08
I loved the part when they are picking a new health insurance plan and Dwight is reading off their illnesses
Inverted penis
Inverted penis
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